Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU? These 'wonderful' Nuchal test result threads, do they hurt you a little?

36 replies

ThomCat · 24/05/2007 12:35

I'm probably just being over sensitive but does anyone else feel a little.... uncomfortable with threads were the poster says 'ohhh so releived, had my nuchal results and baby is Ok, so relieved'. Does it feel a little hurtful to you?

I mean of course everyone hopes for a healthy baby, but I just feel that when the thread says 'thank god my nuchal was ok' it's like saying 'thank god my child won't have DS' and therefore I find it so hard not to be a tad defensive over Lottie and feel a bit weird about it.

It's a difficult one for me, is it for you?

Of course they are happy their child is fine and healthy but it's so hard to read 'thank god my child isn't going to be like yours' into these threads.

I know it's unresonable of me really, it's just a bit weird for me. Do you know what I mean?

OP posts:

Pamina · 25/05/2007 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 25/05/2007 12:45

You're not being unreasonable, TC, so don't let people think you are.

I also find those threads a bit prickly.

Why? Because there are so many disabilities that aren't able to be diagnosed with a nuchal or even an amnio. Like my daughter's dyspraxia and developmental delays and learning disorders, which just seem to get more and more obvious.

And hey, there are not guarantees in life, a child can be perfectly healthy and something comes along and changes that forever.

I guess I've never been one to take anything for granted.

Original poster

ThomCat · 26/05/2007 10:42

Thanks Pamina and expat

OP posts:

LadyTophamHatt · 26/05/2007 10:51

No Tc, YANBU.

I often think you all the SN ladies when theres a thread like this.
Yes of course its natural that we all want a happy healthy child but I'm not in the least bit surprised that it upsets you. I think its natural for you to feel like it....

The online picture you paint of lottie is such a wonderful one, she (and you and lots of other SN mums) and touches many many MN hearts and IMO have changed alot of peoples thinking on allsorts of special needs "topics" (sorry thats the worng word but I hope YKWIM).

eidsvold · 26/05/2007 11:51

nope - I am there with you and as only joking the pursuit of perfection is one that does not sit well with me either.

it is funny how your perspective changes - having dd1 first taught us that nothing is guaranteed in life although I have learnt that lesson all my life with things that have happened to me. I found when pregnant with dd2 and 3 - that when someone asked if we wanted a boy or a girl - you know - one reply is - don't care as long as they are healthy. You know I could not say that cause I felt I was being disloyal to dd1 - she was not 'healthy' when born but sorted after her cardiac surgery. SO I would just say I wanted a baby and that gender was not important.

long post - when really I just wanted to say - I feel as you do and the termination threads are even harder. In fact I often click on nuchal threads and wait days to respond depending on what is happening here and how I feel about life in general.

Am trying not to post on them as often as I used to - not my job to educate the world - a big lesson for me to learn - as I often feel I have to.

gess · 26/05/2007 12:00

Absolutely eidsvold and any educating you do do must never be at your expense.

tibni · 26/05/2007 19:48

pagwatch that is terrible..... more tahn thoughtless!

tibni · 26/05/2007 19:48

pagwatch that is terrible..... more than thoughtless!

gess · 26/05/2007 19:51

pagwatch just rad your 14:16 message and couldn't agree more. I always think its an odd thing to say (to me) as it seems like someone's saying "oh its ok for your children to be affected but not mine" or something. Weird. I think that's my number 1 annoyance really.

eidsvold · 26/05/2007 23:35

pagwatch - meant to add words fail me at so called 'friend'.

I had one who was absolutely gobsmacked that we would consider having more children after dd1. KNowing what she meant - I pushed her by saying - why not??
her response - well you know -

I said - umm no. DOn't see why dd1 should be an only child?!?

friend finally came out and said - what if you have another one like dd1?!?!?

I just smiled and said - I would be very lucky then wouldn't I!

Clary · 27/05/2007 01:08

TC - have just seen update on thread I think you mean.

No I think YANBU and in fact I always worry about people who seem to imagine that if their child is clear of such and such a special need (eg DS, but coul dbe other things) they will have no problems.

My DS1 is NT, well all my children are, and he certainly had problems and hurdles to face etc. All children do of course, and we as parents are there to help them in whatever way we can.

It's clear to us all that you do a great job at that but I can totally see where you are coming from on this one.

Flip

1 2