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Original poster

scratching pinching becoming frenzied

16 replies

Jimjams · 10/08/2004 08:30

The pinching is back. We have been using the usual techniques for about 5 days now but its showing no sings of decreasing. I have changed from "no pinching" to a bored "no- be nice" which has seen a minor improvement. Each day starts well- a few pinches here and there- but by the evening it is ridiculous. We had (childless) friends to stay over the weeked- ds1 took a shine to one of them and followed him round everywhere- but the guy has gone home scratched to pieces. He has scratches all down his arms and face- and does dh. I have a few, but no so bad.

I think the problem is that he is bored stiff. When he's pinched before he's been easy to redirect as he's been in a totsally structured environment for most of the day. I can't provide that at home. It's semi- structured with activities timetabled onto a visual schedule- but I can't do the 100% 1:1 thing.

We are very keen to stop this before we go to visit the in-laws next week as I know MIL will yelp and completely reinforce the behaviour. The only good thing about this level of pinching is that ds2 is so used to be pinched that unless it really hurts he doesn't bother to respond so at least ds1 isn't getting reinforcement from him.

Any ideas? This is really getting beyond a joke.

OP posts:
Fio2 · 10/08/2004 08:42

no help just lots of sympathy. DD is exactly the same but tends to self-harm instead of attacking her brother although she does bite him on occassion. I know with her its because home isnt structured enough and will never be, I am not organised enough. Does he like going for walks or in the garden (or is that too stressful or not enough distraction?) with dd i tend to take them down the beach or for a walk, to fly the kite or something similar - when the boredom levels rise. Sorry this is most probably no help whatsoever,

As for MIL maybe she ought to have a bit more compassion and actually open her eyes tothe situation. You are not there to carry her, she is going to have to get a grip. But if my in-laws are anything to go by......nothing changes

Original poster
Jimjams · 10/08/2004 09:02

Going out helps but is so difficult fio2. I have 3 friend's houses I can visit, but ds1 is very funny about going into any of them at the moment. I did used to be able to take both boys to a very quiet enclosed park, but yesterday ds1 kept trying to run off so that may be out the window now. Anywhere else (beach, moors, other parks) is just too dnagerous with both of them. I try to do something when ds2 is in nursery but otherwise we're a bit housebound. Probably a major part of the problem tbh.

OP posts:
Fio2 · 10/08/2004 09:07

I understand what you mean jimjams. I wish I had some useful suggestions

aloha · 10/08/2004 09:49

I suspect you do know exactly what the problem is - after all you know your son better than anyone - ie he is bored and housebound. My son, who is a very placid little boy, can get frenzied about silly things like using the video remote control when he is bored or we've been loafing about too much on the sofa. A trip to the park normally sorts him out. I know that's not really an easy option for you though. What a bummer. When does he go back to school??? Did you get anywhere with finding him a holiday 'assistant'?

Dingle · 10/08/2004 11:42

No help here either, sorry.
I am not really aware of your situation but I am trying, like a mad woman, to discipline my 2yr 9 mnth dd, who has DS. Having her older brother at home (aged nearly 5) is a nightmare at times. I wouldn't say it's a major problem but I am trying to nip it in the bud, as they say.
I watched a couple of episodes of "Supernanny" and I am trying the verbal warning followed by timeout. With my ds I get him to sit on the bottom of the stairs, put the kitchen timer on for 1-2 mins and only continue play when he apologises. That has worked really well for him but you do have to be consistent!
As for my dd, well she's a completely different kettle of fish! Firstly where do I put her for timeout, it needs to be somewhere safe but away from toys, tv....etc.
She was kicking out at my ds the other day, so after verbal warning I told her it was timeout and sat her up on the sofa,away from ds. Every time she moved, I sat her back up- then she started kicking out at my neighbour, sitting on the other end of the sofa. My neighbour then picked her up, warned her,and sat her on the other sofa away from everyone. She really didn't like it. I made her say (well-sign "sorry" explained that we don't kick and let her join in again. It was funny in a way because after that she thought she would do a few headstands to get back to being the centre of attention, whilst we all sat there trying not to find it amusing!
That has been the only time I have had to do it- I just warn her now "do you want timeout" and she replies "naaa.."
No use to you at all, sorry!

Davros · 10/08/2004 12:19

Well JJ, you know all there is that I could tell you. Obviously the problem is the lack of activities and ability to get out of the house (have you got the rain down there, mind you I prefer it!). Does it have only one function or is it multi-functional? Sounds like it may be a combination of attention seeking and making contact. SO the thing to do ideally is teach an alternative to fulfill those two functions but, of course, that's a lot easier said than done in normal circs, never mind during the hols.
Why not just let him give MIL a good old pinch?

Blu · 10/08/2004 12:25

JJ, I know absolutely nothing about this, so apologies in advance. Would he accept wearing woolly gloves? Would that then take away the interesting sensation of pinching for him, whilst offering protection to his targets? (and make them less likely to shriek?)

Original poster
Jimjams · 10/08/2004 14:41

He won't wear gloves Blu- am trying to keep his nails short though. Bit unsuccessfully atm - he keeps waling up when I go to cut them.

Mutli-functional Davros- ds2 gets it when he's cross. DH gets it in particular for attention seeking- and people like our visitors got it as he thinks its funny. The cross one is the easiest to deal with as there's warning its coming. I think the hardest is the one where he thinks its funny as any response becomes game like - so its a case of trying to make him realise its not on and then redirecting the behaviour immediately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimjams · 10/08/2004 14:43

Dingle- a verbal warning will stop an immediate attack- if I see it coming, but it's back to him needing full on 1:1.

Bloody social services sent me details of a playssheme for children wit physical difficulties age 8 and up today. Nice to know they have such a great handle on his needs.

OP posts:
Fio2 · 10/08/2004 14:52

have you tried contacting homestart or surestart (or are they the same thing?) I have contacted them to see if they can spare me a few hours a week. i am sure you would qualify and you could keep it going even when ds1 is at school to give you hand then?

i know it wont help the scratching and biting thing but it might be a bit of a help[

Original poster
Jimjams · 10/08/2004 15:19

We're not in a surestart area. The city I live in has some very poor bits (some of the poorest in Europe) and all their funds are centred on the deprived areas. There's even less portage for disabled children now as resources are being concentrated on breaking poverty cycles etc. (not sure that sounds very PC but you know what I mean). I think homestart is the same.....

That's partly why SS in this area is in such a state.

OP posts:
Fio2 · 10/08/2004 15:33

there is NO portage at all hereSad

I know you tried to warn me about the services in kent jimjams but i honestly didnt think they would be THIS badSad

oh dont get me started i a mdepressed as it is!

I wish I could come and help you but he would most probably start biting himself aswell!

Dingle · 10/08/2004 15:58

Down here in my part of Kent (Medway)here is what I believe to be the set up!
Surestart is for families in need in the "most deprived" areas. Homestart is there to help familys in need with children under 5- we did have their help up until about a year ago.
We also have Crossroads- which is a group to care for the carers, we have them once a week at moment. I don't know what areas they cover and I also know that their funding had stopped for children, so there was a cut back in their care- I believe funding is now back in place.
As for Portage, we come under North Kent Portage.
How come there is no portage Fio.

Fio2 · 10/08/2004 16:03

Dingle where in medway are you? (do you know any good plumbers?Grin hahaha)

we are in herne bay I think they have forgotten about us and i have , quite frankly, given up

Dingle · 10/08/2004 16:12

We are Lordswood,(between Maidstone & Chatham)
and the last plumber we had was a disaster waiting to happen, I had to point out that the radiator was sitting on the wall at an odd angle, and he left my carpet full of brick dust and soaking wet!! So I definately won't be recommending him.
If this is of any use to anyone I've found out Crossroads isn't just a local thing. See crossroad.org.uk.
Sorry if this is all old hat to you all but it's worth mentioning.

Fio2 · 10/08/2004 16:13

oh no dingle are all kent plumbers dodgy?! evryone says 'I know who not to recommend'Sad

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