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Bad behaviour getting out of hand- help!

16 replies

Jimjams · 30/07/2004 18:14

Well big change in ds1 this holiday. In the past when bored he would sit and stim- for hours. Suddenly he is looking for things to do (excellent- big improvement)- unfortunately everything he is doing is destructive.

2 days ago we visited my one remaining NT friend (that I can visit anyway). Her son injured himself falling off a bike and so she took him to hospital - leaving me with her other 3 and ds1 and ds2. DS1 was a nightmare- the other 4 were good as gold thank god. Partly it wasn't his fault- she has NT children so she doesn't have locks on the front door etc so I had to keep checking him- then when I would be looking for him he discovered throwing things into her stream- they have a kind of deck/bridge with a stream underneath. INcluding her mobile phone (!!) Anyway Her 5 year old fished it out for me and apparently it looks as if it is working.

Since then though everything is dropping down the stairs and since yesterday into the toilet. This afternoon has been ridiculous- loads of stuff gone down there- some stuff defintely flushed away before I got there- no idea what. Anyway I have now barricaded the door with a travel barrier which is working for now (although I was stunned as he looked at it then immediately went and found an "I want toilet" PECS card that has been stuck to the wall in our front room for the last year and he has never used before!

Not helped by the fact that I have a burning sore throat today and glands I didn't even know I had have swollen up - of course can't take anything as pregnant.

Is there any more I could be doing. He really doesn't understand when he's gone too far. He thinks that people are incredibly funny when they lose their temper and these things quickly become a game (this one already has).

I have a visual timetable in place every day which helps. He will sit and listen to classical music for half an hour but everything else is a bit fleeting. This behaviour sarts as soon as my attention is elsewhere- cooking tea was a nightmare today.

Long moan but any suggestions would be welcomed.

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coppertop · 30/07/2004 18:53

Could it be the sound of splashing that he is attracted to? I only ask because that's what my ds1 loved about dropping things into water. Would he be safe with a water-tray? If it's a toilet thing what about giving him some ping-pong balls so that if he has to drop something in there then at least they won't do any harm when he tries to flush them? Sorry, my brain doesn't seem to be working at the moment!

I must admit to smiling at the bit where he brought you the toilet PECS card. Cheeky little monkey.

Sorry you're feeling so cr@p.

eidsvold · 31/07/2004 00:55

no ideas - so no help there but just wanted to say sorry things are not so brilliant today

dinosaur · 31/07/2004 11:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Davros · 31/07/2004 12:01

I recognise this one Jimjams, exactly my DS's favourite activity. Anything related to pouring, dropping, sprinkling, throwing etc. Its obviously got a sensory foundation to it but is also reinforcing in other ways. As I've said before, I think it helped with toilet training so there's one good thing about it! I think the only way to deal with it, especially over the holidays, is to try to shape it into something appropriate or try to restrict it in some way (place, time, materials etc). Easier said than done of course! I can't even remember what stuff we ended up with down the toilet, toothbrushes down the sink and it had to be taken apart to get at them..... We have got locks on all the internal doors that all have the same key to make life simple (one of those long ones with ridges all round iyswim). Its anticipating what they might pick up next and where it might end up, they are so inventive! Is there any way to keep him in once place for any length of time? We've gone through phases of my DS having many baths during one day and sometimes lasting for at least an hour! Or get a cheapo paddling pool (I always buy a couple of the ELC £5 ones each year) so you can inflate them fasat, fill them fast, empty them fast and take one with you if you go visiting. Sorry if this doesn't help and hope you feel better soon. I posted a bottle of liquid melatonin to you yesterday so you could just drink the whole bottle, might be OK during pg

Jimjams · 01/08/2004 16:56

Barricading the bathrooms seems to be working well. I think this is going to be difficult to redirect as he seems to like the flush..... At the moment he's asking for the toilet, we're removing whatever he has in his hands (crisps, toy cars,balls etc) then lifting him into the bathroom- he's charging round manically picking up whatever he can get his hands on - quick tussle/wrestle and we're done.

Apparently it was a full moon last night- which could explain lack of sleep and slight manic edge......

He'll play computer games dinosaur- but can't do them by himself - that's the main problem he can't do anything by himself (except stand beneath the washing line, but he's less interested in that these days- only stays there for about 4 or 5 minutes). I've introduced classical music each day which he loves- and will actually listen to for about half an hour- an amazing length of time for him, but if left alone he tends to fiddle with the buttons then get cross when he turns it off.

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tigermoth · 01/08/2004 21:04

jimjams, I cannot offer any practical advice, though the inflatable swimming pool idea plus lots of baths sounds great. You have your hands so full. I am glad there is a change in your ds. I picked up on that bit of your message first. I could be wrong, but I feel something good is about to happen. Just a feeling, but I wanted to tell you.

Jimjams · 01/08/2004 21:13

well he did say mummy yesterday for the first time (rather than nanig which is what he usually calls me).

We took him to the outdoor pool today which he loved- was very relaxed (we go first thin when its quiet- the only other people around were another family with 2 autistic boys- so its extra relaxing- don't have to worry about being stared at).

Mind you he was completely manic this afternoon and did try to flush a huge beach towel down the toilet.

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tigermoth · 02/08/2004 18:36

Hope you got through monday without too many things disappearing down the loo.

Are you thrilled about ds saying 'mummy' for the first time? It sounds like a breakthrough to me, but of course I am an outsider.

Jimjams · 02/08/2004 18:48

how did you post this? Do you have internet access I was going to ring/text you tomorrow. Sorry being nosy......

No not really thrilled as its more of a change in pronounciation- he's always called me something before iyswim- I got quite used to nanig. DS2 has his own words for each of us as well!. He hasn't done it since either (he quite often does somthing once then never again). For example when he was 2 he said seal perfectly in the bath. I'm actually more thrilled that he stole a cake today tbh- as he's never done that (I'd told him he couldn't have it) and I think he may have copied ds2. I thought he may have copied ds2 the other day as well- but didn't want to assume iyswim.

On th other hand it took him 3 hours to move from my friends front porch into her house - he went in perfectly happily last Wednesday. One step forward 2 steps back as always!

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beccaboo · 02/08/2004 21:47

Have you got a garden hose? We've got one of those trigger-type attachments - if you set it on 'mist' then nothing gets too drenched. DS loves playing with this. We sometimes hook it up on the washing line and he spends ages running backwards and forwards through the mist. The lawn's looking lovely too!

johno · 02/08/2004 21:51

my Ds said daddee for first time today, it used to be agee lol, Dp thrilled lol, bet u was thrilled to jimjams

tigermoth · 02/08/2004 22:23

Well the copying sounds good, at least.

Thinking about destructiveness to possessions generally, I don't know if this makes you feel better but in the last 24 hours my 10 year old has wiped hundreds of pounds off the value of our car. He decided to use a scouring sponge on the bonnet to remove the dirt while he was cleaning it. He has now managed to remove the top layor of varnish. I also caught him cleaning the sink with drain cleaner - very caustic apparently. He thought it was bleach.

As to why I am posting today - we had a puncture this morning, so dh decided to drive down on Tuesday as he hates driving a long distance late in the day. Look forward to hearing from you - I am not a confident text messager by the way, but will keep a look out

Jimjams · 02/08/2004 22:30

lol- shall I text you my phone number???

TBH ds1 is very undestructive. Until recently anyway. DS2 is more curious. However the friend we visited today is the one whose mobile was chucked in the stream - she was completely unfazed. Her mobile works as well (I'm stunned it was in the stream for ages- and it had loads of grit etc in it).

Ouch @ the car! lol

Today was the first day I didn't wake up to the sound of flushing- he came straight into bed with us (and immediately pinched ds2 who was aready there!). As soon as he's up the barriers go back up so he's only managed to get a bath toy down there today.

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tigermoth · 02/08/2004 22:41

try tomorrow - I think the phone is switched off. If not try the other number - we will be there from tomorrow evening.

Davros · 03/08/2004 11:31

Jimjams, I think it is major that he has a "word" for you at all as he in non-verbal. That shows that he understands the function of some words, mine hasn't got a name for any of us! I believe that using the form of communication you understand to represent "normal" words is a big thing, e.g. mine will pick up wrappers etc and use them as PECs even though they're not PECs. I thought nothing of it but a much better informed friend was amazed and said it was great I think a lot of the "destructiveness" is experimentation and trying to satisfy sensory needs like dropping things etc.

Jimjams · 03/08/2004 12:49

Well he's kind of non-verbal. he's had words (and some set sentences) for years - its just in martian iyswim, and hasn't really move don much.So he says things like "go and see Lucy" - which is something like "ai ee mmbee". I did read a book that described children like him as "speaking" as he has sounds for words. He's definitely not verbal, but he's never been completely non-verbal either.

I was pleased the other day after the party as I said "you went on trampolines today" and he said something like 'go to birthday party'- now that was a step forward for him- as he was understanding and commenting iyswim.

He still hasn't said mummy again though- we seem to be back to nanig! Ah well

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