Very anxious about autism signs in ds

[Wwwomble]

This is going to be long, sorry. I would really like some guidance and, if any can be given, reassurance.

Ds is nearly 12 months old and I am as certain as I can be that he has autism. I know it is very early to tell, but there are too many red flags to be coincidental. These include:

He doesn't follow a gaze or point.
He doesn't point or reach out (unless it is to get something he actually thinks he can reach).
He doesn't wave, nod or any other gestures.
He started a little babbling in the last month but certainly nothing resembling words.
He has no stranger anxiety.
He makes some eye contact, but it is short lived (not when feeding for example).
He has always disliked being cuddled.
He vary rarely imitates (has occasionally clapped or banged table when we do).
He doesn't refer back to me- he can play on his own for 15 minutes or so without looking at me.
He only rarely answers his name.
He doesn't look at me when I go to get him from his cot.
He likes it when I hide things but would not play peekaboo.

On a positive note;
Physically he's fine- crawling, cruising etc
He smile as a lot at strangers, who always comment how happy he is.
He will sometimes interact.
He reaches to be picked up, but only when I am standing over him.
He's very interested in the world.

Basically I'm scared. I don't know what to do. The health visitor said to wait and see, by everything I read says early intervention is crucial. But we can't honestly afford all that. I don't even think the uk is up to a diagnosis at this age, let alone support.

It's going to be severe, isn't it? I don't know how we will cope with that, I honestly don't. And I'm pregnant with another, and although it was much wanted I'm now seriously considering talking to dh about an abortion, as this baby is likely to suffer too.

Can anyone help with where to go from here?

I found this thread by accident. Well, now nearly 7, we’ve moved on a fair bit!

Im cross with myself for the offensive way I talked about autism, and sad and angry at how scared and lonely I was during that time when I knew DS1 wasn’t developing typically and no one would take me seriously.

DS1 was diagnosed at 3 with asd, and recently with adhd. Ds2 is on route to diagnosis.

It’s also not easy for us- it’s difficult to explain the myriad of ways in which everything is just more difficult with ND kids. It’s not easy for them, either, frankly, but we are getting there.

Frankly, I still understand my early fears because I know other families who have far more complex needs to deal with, which can be heartbreakingly tough.

I’m not going to say I wouldn’t change them- I would take the asd away if I could, because it makes their lives harder. I wouldn’t swap them for anything, though.

On the off chance that anyone reads this in the early days I will say this. Our lives are immeasurably better than I feared. Yes, there are more difficult times than with your average ND kid, but so be it. My kids have bright futures and bring us laughter and pride. They love us and we love them.

Great update Wwwomble, I think people will find it helpful. I’m glad things turned out far better than you feared.

Thanks open.

I often lurk on here and post under different names (because I’m socially anxious- I wonder where the kids get it from!).

I have read many of your posts and your supportiveness to your dc, but willingness to support other posters shines through.

Thanks, that’s kind.