Help - do you think she could be Asperger's?

[Chocol8]

My friend has a 14 year old daughter. For a while now, and certainly since my ds was dx, we have thought there was a strong possibility that her daughter was too.

She lives with her Mum and her brother as her dad left years ago and lives up North. She is collected each fortnight by him or his family to visit for the weekend. She didn't visit for a while as she didn't like his new g/f (with good reason), but she has began to visit again. This weekend she told her dad that she didn't want to go home. This is unusual, as she actually thinks her dad is a "prat" (he is).

For a long time now, she has been saying that she hates herself, she is worthless, she doesn't want to be here, she hates her body, her looks etc, etc, etc.

She is an extremely bright girl academically, one of the top set, however she lacks a certain amount of common sense. She is an attractive girl who looks older than her years, as she is tall, leggy and has a big bust. She can often turn on her Mum and her brother (6) and nothing is ever her fault.

She has no special close friend, they come and go though she has had a few boyfriends.

Her Mum has spoken to the school because of her behaviour and contacted Connexions so that she can receive counselling at school, which she is currently doing, fortnightly. She also received counselling at her middle school.

Her Mum is increasingly worried that she will do something stupid. What do you think, is she being a typical teenager or is there something else?

Sorry Dinosaur, yes I have the same problem as I don't know what teenager AS are like. I perhaps didn't explain myself very well as I wanted to run this past my friend to check and she was having problems with said dd.

Ahh, where to start? She lacks empathy, she expects you to know what she is feeling (and like any teen, the world revolves around her, and no one else!), she needs alot of reassurance, she is ADDICTED to reading (getting through at least 10 books a week - she has nearly read the local library dry), her eye contact is not great, her motor skills are terrible - she cannot catch a ball and she hates competitive sports.

There is probably more, but will speak to her Mum tomorrow. My friends xh is now shouting the odds saying that she should be taken to the doctor (perhaps for anti d's, which my friend is opposed to).

My friend's Mum had a nervous breakdown at the age of 11, so it possibly is a family trait as her brother and sister suffer from bouts of depression on and off. My friend and I think that her brother could be AS, though he is in his 40's.

Hi, she does sound like she could be AS to me. My DS1 has mild AS and they seem to pick up on it a lot earlier nowadays. I think she should try and get some kind of assesment / diagnosis, because depression is something totally different. I beleive it is hereditary but is not always diagnosed if they are only mild AS. My son will never have an official diagnosis because he is only slightly , but the signs are there ... hope all goes well ....

Agree that AS and depression are totally different but people with AS often are depressed as they know they don't fit in but don't quite know why or what to do about it. She sounds rather like my AS sister, especially the "everything is always someone else's fault"!! I do think its worth getting a diagnosis if it is AS rather than just thinking, well what difference would it make? Its only knowing what is wrong that means you can do anything about it and it could definitely help with the depression. My sister also reads voraciously, absolutely anything (in her own world?), has poor eye contact, never says hello to anyone, can't hold a conversation, is clumsy and unsporty unlike the rest of the family, has awful handwriting unlike the rest of the family, can't spell but is very clever......

Oh, I forgot to say seems really tactless but we now know she doesn't understand "the rules". She lost several jobs in the past through saying the wrong thing to people. She also has no long lasting friends and goes through obsessions from tap dancing to greyhound racing to name a couple!

Thank you so much for your help, I will pass your comments on to her.

Dinosaur, yes I think the books you suggested would be a good idea. I went to buy Martian in the Playground last week, but it is now only available through one publisher and has to be specially ordered. I am going to borrow Freaks, I have heard it is excellent. She did read my copy of The Curious Incident and she enjoyed it.

I just wanted to add that the comment I made about her looking older than her years, means she can receive unwanted attention sometimes and she was infact approached by a pervert 3 years ago when she was alone at a bus stop. He made lewd comments and tried to entice her into his van, but she fled back to the school and they alerted the police. The guy was eventually caught and sent down as he had done it to several other girls in the area and she had to attend an ID parade. Do you think this could have a long term effect? From what I gather, she has not mentioned it since, but I wonder....?

Hate to say this, but in some ways she sounds a lot like me as a teenager. I loathed myself physically (though was actually slim and attractive), am ludicrously, exceptionally uncoordinated - my husband thinks it is very funny that I can't catch a ball - and read and read and read. I don't think I have Asperger's syndrome. But you know her better then I do. I think her depression should be taken seriously though. The teenage years can be really hard and her behaviour sounds at the slightly extreme end but not very abnormal for a troubled teenager with a family breakup in the background. I'd look at counselling for her if I were her mum.