Aspergers "tendencies"... any advise?

[flamesparrow]

Hiya,

My sister is HF/borderline or whatever the right term for it is Aspergers syndrome.

From day one my DD (3.6) has been very similar to DSis, and as she gets older she is seeming more and more like her w/r the aspergers side of things.

She does have empathy though. It is more the things like needing routine, order, things how she has decided/been told will happen - any wavering results in a complete meltdown.

I was putting it down to just a strong willed 2-3yr old behaviour, but as time is going on it is seeming different to that.

She definately isn't full AS, but I get the feeling she isn't completely NT either.

She is a lot better when I have her on a very strict non-processed diet.

What I'm really wanting is advice for making life smoother - to avoid the meltdowns etc.

I am trying at the moment to keep things to a strict routine, to let her know well in advance what will be happeneing when (and sticking to it), and just pretty much talking everything through with her first. Is there anything else I should be doing, or anything I can do to make life easier for her?

I remember my sister as a very very angry teen - ok, so a lot was hormone based, but I get the feeling that it was also down to not being understood etc (we only found out over the past few years) - I want to try and avoid that as much as possible for DD.

Thank you

thank you

Good point about seeing any GP. tbh I'm not too sure how well my nice little guy would do with this - he is a lovely guy but he tends to get a bit thrown when I cry on him... (I tend to talk to him about my breasts a lot too which flusters him!!)

I'll have a chat with Psychomum - she's got various issues with her children and has been at the practise for years so will know who is best.

That book should reach you today or tomorrow.

A few hints.

First don't get too upset when you see the name in print: its a good manual for any parent, OK?

Thank you - it came yesterday. Dh came home early and I took to the bath with it for a bit before I went out. A couple of things stood out and made sense of things already - which did lead to a few tears

It explained DD's meltdown a couple of weeks ago though... long story, but we wanted her to apologise because she got a bit overexcited and almost hit a friend's baby - if it had been any of the other children there they would have just said sorry and it would have been over and done with - but we had sobbing, huge tears, hiding in a corner refusing to talk to anyone and definately not say sorry. At the time it just seemed so sudden and extreme with no sense to it, but reading the book I'm thinking that she knew she hadn't actually done anything wrong, and it all got too much and very confusing (so now I'm feeling mean for pushing the issue ... we thought she was just being bloody stubborn!)

There were a few other nodding in agreement moments too... especially at a point that mentioned you wanting an off button for them when they get fixated on a topic and just keep talking and talking about it lol, but I'm guessing that applies to a lot of overenthusiastic children in general

Thank you sooo much for sending it.

The off button would be good but that's coz its one of my traits too and I know how boring I can get LOL! Its not so bad these days but in my early twenties I was obsessed by mini cars [bush]

DS1 does this thing where he tells you everything step by step- along the lines of 'thats nice sam how did you do that?'- 'well first you have to take a pair of scissors, a piece of apper'.... (two hours later....) then its done and you can select a palce to put it by checking for appropriate space

yes dear.

Middle son is ten. feel like crying as I have had my head in the sand for soo long denying that he was different and not wanting to accept that he is soo different from my other two sons, this has been so helpful to hear others difficulties (awful to say this but do you know what I mean). Bits have rang a big bell - tomorrow we will finally go to the GP. His teachers have been fab and having read a little about it just in the last few weeks I realise a lot of what we have done has been OK (social things - like others his own little world much prefered and I once said I would give him fiver if he would just play cricket for ten mins with the other children!!!) but for years I took his not being able to look anyone in the eye as rudeness, his obsessions a being awkward and stubborn. I thought, because I had a difficult pregnancy and didn't actually think he would be born OK, bond as quickly with him as I did with my first that it was this alone. It is so easy to beat yourself up as a parent. He is years ahead in terms of intelligence and as someone else here said cannot come less than first without falling to bits - recently doing tests, although has IQ of 147 couldn't accept the few that he did get wrong were wrong! Emotional intelligence test very very low - cannot read peoples faces from eyes because he looks at their mouths only he says. Won't go to sleep because "yesterday read 167 pages and today he must read 168 and tomorrow he must read 169 and that's just how it works Mum!" Would really be interested in the name of the book of strategies you mentioned PeachyClair. I am reading Born on a Blue Day by D Tammet and The Essential Difference by S Baron-Cohen. My biggest problem is what to do with school as it is a tiny school and he will be the only boy in year 6, the teacher is very girly and finds him difficult although he has been very lucky with previous teachers and the head is prepared to write a seperate curriculum for him so he is not repeating work. The next school will take hm early where there are other boys like him and although I can hear everyone saying dont do this - a disaster for him socially, he will at least be with other boys like him rather than on his own in lovely village school where he is happy but very likely to be bored and then naughty with two girls for company. I know he will sit under the tree and read. Maybe this is OK. He is a Sept baby so born eight days earlier he would have been in that year anyway. He wont cope well with the change but he wont next year either. Moving him to a differet school for one year would push him over the edge I feel. God I am so sorry - this goes on and on!!!

...one more thing ...a bit of hope...as this has been a totally selfish outpoor...he was a nightmare baby...screamed all the time and never slept and with the others I wanted them not to go to nursery and be at home with me whereas with him I knew I would put my head in the oven so he went sharpish! But as the years have gone on he has become happier and happier, as he can explain now that he will not be able to eat at someone elses house, that he has to have a certain type of food in a certain way etc and I never imagined I would see him smiling as often as he does now when he was four or five and hardly ever did.