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Original poster

Days out just don't really ever go to plan do they?

52 replies

TeeCee · 07/01/2007 21:35

My 2 best friends and myself took DD1 and DD2 to see The Gruffalo today.

Upon reflection and hindsight being a wonderful thing I should have known really, but I'm guilty of just cracking on and throwing DD1 into situations, as if she didn't have Down's syndrome and dealing with it when faced with it, whatever that might be.

I was fine until the mouse got the audience to scream. She just doesn't do mass screaming, and who can blame her? It wasn't nice and she sat on her godmothers lap with her hands over her ears and was upset. I was going to leave but then she seemed to start to enjoy it again. i could see her 'happy hands' (!) and I relaxed.

Cue the Graffalo coming into the crowd and coming straight up to DD1! I couldn't see her face but the Gruffalo's expression confirmed what I thought might happen.

I should have taken her home but we thought the planned idea of the Rainforest Cafe might take her mind off the scary Gruffalo and she said she was hungry.

On the way she was confronted by another major fear - balloons.
A group of boys wrestled a huge balloon display outside a restaurant and one popped literally right in her face!
The timing couldn't hav ebeen worse. Those little hands ddin't leave her ears and she was very stressed.

Once inside the Rianforset cafe, after 5 minutes of 'Noooooooooooooooooooooooo's she calmed down and seemed very happy with the crayons and again I relaxed.

Cue huge Rainforest Cafe thunderstorm.
She freaked she was clinging to anyone and everyone. We had ordered and other friends had joined us so we moved to a part of the restaurant that was actually not being used but our waiter agreed to serve us there. We got through a meal. Ish!

We had pockets of happiness but on the whole it was stressful and upsetting for her and in turn for everyone else.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 07/01/2007 23:09

i agree with Davros about the middle ground, but it can move!

FioFio · 08/01/2007 17:53

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Davros · 08/01/2007 21:14

OJ is so right. It is important to find the middle ground but it CAN change! Unless we test our children they'll never make progress. I know one or two parents who never do anything with their kids with SN and, as a consequence, they simply don't know how to and who knows what the kids might enjoy/tolerate. I will give the Grufalo a miss though even with DD! Love the thought of the deflated gorillas who thought they were going to be a great hig

Davros · 08/01/2007 21:14

Hit!

Jimjams2 · 08/01/2007 22:52

Always have a get out. For a while I stopped trying anything as I couldn't handle it. With dp's and an extra pair of hands we've started to do all sorts, but we've kind of learned when to bail out. Also got a better idea of things that wont work. For a momentary minute of madness we considered the cinema for the entire family this holiday (rolls on floor howling with laughter), then decided that realistically we need ds1 alone, 2 adults and to be able to bail out.

Well done for getting through the whole thing though- and for trying.

eidsvold · 09/01/2007 05:06

i think you were great for trying - we often do things with dd1 and think in hindsight - oops not quite what we imagined and it is either that she coped much better than we thought or it was a nightmare.

BUT we try with different things and as jj said - just plan a get out - if you have to bail, you have to bail.

Dd1 is finding it hard these summer holidays. As I usually do all my running around whilst she is at kindy etc, she rarely comes shopping with me BUT in the last little while I have had to take to a few places to get things and get sorted SO we go shopping. IT is a drama every time and I am coming to resent the drama BUT i have to do it and make her do it or we will never be able to do it iyswim. We just do mini trips rather than big shops.

Original poster
TeeCee · 09/01/2007 12:10

Sorry just seen all the new posts on this, only really posting on GGG's threads

Thank you for all your posts.

It's a continual learning curve aye.
I think that's the thing, try to know the limitations but keep trying new things but always with a get out clause.

Edisvold - the shopping thing is anightmare isn't it. We do it too but only in short spurts and take treats and toys and everything we can think of to ease the trip but it's hard.

Davros - Laura's Star would have been brillinat, so wish I'd thought more about the sort of show we were going to. I might book Lauras Star anyway, just to see if a show can be done without trauma and make me feel better about the whole day out thing.

OP posts:
maddiemostmerry · 09/01/2007 16:37

TC We had a nightmare in Rainbow Forest with our asd ds and to be honest I think it could be scary for many children sn or not.

Like everyone else has said plan ahead and know your exits.

For things like shows we have started small with very small church hall local shows,where it is easy to leave when things don't go quite to plan, no glares if you have to keep up and downing in and outing.

If finances allow buy annual passes for bigger days out then it's not the end of the world if you only stay for 30 mins.

Be very flexible and prepare others to be flexible, somewhere I have posted about ds4 being sung Happy Brithday to at a wedding by the bride as he got distressed and refused to accept it was a wedding. Reasoning, cakes can only be b'day cakes.

Don't be afraid of anything arranged especially for sn. Mencap cinema viewings have been a godsend same for ball pond sn only sessions, you can expand out from these things at Lottie's pace.

Look for the success in every event. I have a friend with an older sn child who told me to just keep on trying things otherwise it is too easy to become housebound and isolated. We go to parties sometimes, hand over the present and then leave and I can see the achievement in that.

Go to your friends, and measure every minute as success and if it gets too much bail out.

Finally you know Lottie and you will know when she is trying it on and when to stand your groud.

Original poster
TeeCee · 09/01/2007 16:39

Whaty a lovely post, thank you for that.

I feel like a less bad parent after this thread, it's really been nice, thanks everyone

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FioFio · 09/01/2007 19:35

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Original poster
TeeCee · 09/01/2007 19:39

LOL! Sorry mate
Can't see it showing anywhere in London anyway so it was a bloody wind up!!!!

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FioFio · 09/01/2007 19:41

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Original poster
TeeCee · 09/01/2007 19:43

Nooooo, I meant it was wind up in the sense that I was all excited about it, tried to find it and then couldn't, so ..... do u yet me? !!!!!!

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Original poster
TeeCee · 09/01/2007 19:45

I know it was on in London b ut I think it must have ended

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FioFio · 09/01/2007 19:47

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FioFio · 09/01/2007 19:49

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Original poster
TeeCee · 09/01/2007 19:50

oh you star, will call them tomorrow, cheers Fio xx

OP posts:
Davros · 09/01/2007 20:53

Grrr, I was going to take the credit I think its a good idea to try another show quite soon actually Something more suitable, maybe just the 2 of you and with the famous get out plan.

Original poster
TeeCee · 09/01/2007 20:55

LOL Davros

OP posts:
Dinosaur · 09/01/2007 21:04

Well done for getting through the whole thing, TeeCee. Dare I stick my neck out and say that although some parts of it were clearly stressful for Lottie, and for you, I reckon that on the whole it sounds like she will have got a lot out of the experience and on balance I think it should be regarded as a positive, not a negative?

Jimjams2 · 09/01/2007 21:15

god you're not a bad parent. I used to come home from every day out staring rigidly ahead in the car in tears. When we discovered the bail out clause- tbh we don;t bail out that often (sometimes even when we should), but we see reaching the end as an achievement even if it was hideous. Go in expecting the worst and you can be pleasently surprised

Original poster
TeeCee · 09/01/2007 21:38

If you were in front of me now JJ I'd give you a hug re the tears bit, and everythign else and say thanks as well xx

OP posts:
Original poster
TeeCee · 09/01/2007 21:41

Oh sorry and Dinosaur I meant to say but got post happy, that I think you're right. I have learnt some new things, seen the light a bit more, but I won't be too negative about my last day out experience.

OP posts:
Jimjams2 · 09/01/2007 22:38

I do remember those days quite well TC- Dh would be staring ahead as well, gripping the steering wheel. Ds1 was usually happy as larry in the back seat. I did go through a while of not trying much (although to be honest I also went through a year when ds1 wouldn't go into any buildings so going anywhere was hard). Now we do go out, but we take help etc. Good luck- keep doing it!

motherinferior · 09/01/2007 22:46

TC, I just wanted to add that it's not you. Neither of my daughters have SN but I quite often get it wrong when I think they will enjoy something (ie I want them to enjoy it mainly because I enjoy it) and it can go horribly pear-shaped. I'm not in any way trying to underplay your situation, just to say look you're managing fantastically well when some of us bungle it with their non-SN girls!