Anybody's child have HFA?

[pandyandy2]

Hi there.

For many different reasons I think my child (3) has ASD and my husband and I are currently perusing this with the paediatrician, our next appointment is with her in April.

Thing is, to anybody else outside our immediate family, (ie nursery, SALT, friends etc )because my DS is fully stimulated when with them (ie toys, different suroundings etc) and stimulation is something he constantly needs(!), they just don't see the 'different' and 'difficult' behaviours we see as a family inside the home when 'normal life' take place (ie cooking, cleaning, time for my other children etc)

Ie they are not there at bed time when DS needs certain things in their 'correct place' before he will settle.

They don't see him cove his ears to the hoover or hair dryer saying too loud.

They don't see that it CAN take up to 5 times for him to respond to his name and as they don't sign, they don't see that he actually hasn't picked up on many signs because his eye contact is fleeting.

And they don't hear him repeat 'juice' 15 times in the car because he just doesn't understand that i'm driving cannot just produce juice without a tap!

I could go on but you get my point!

Everybody does completely acknowledge (as it's obvious) that my son does have speech and language problems, trouble sharing and taking turns and walks on his toes but as he IS affectionate and LOVES company somehow ASD must be in 'my head.'

To those whose children were diagnosed HFA...

How old was your child when diagnosed?
Did you encounter similar issues and others think you were mad?
Are the multi disciplinary team really that great at spotting subtleties (although to me it's so obvious now?)
And is your child affectionate and enjoys been around others?

Thank you so much in advance xxx

Thank you for further responses. I find this forum so supportive.

'My child is affectionate and absolutely loves other people and other children! Looks great in a nursery setting, looks rather strange when we're in a play area and he thinks other parents are there for him too!'

The above could be my son! Grabs other peoples hands at soft play to lead them to something he wants haha! Women are always fine but understandably men look uncomfortably around for their partners/wives with a 'what do I do?' face.

So good to hear that your DS is affectionate! My son is super affectionate and it helps me get through the harder days. And yes my son loves other children also but I can never tell whether he is 'playing' or more 'copying.'

Hi pandyandy2 I think you sound very informed and whilst it's often harder at that age to rule out typical toddler behaviours, I think from the things you say, it sounds like you need to get him assessed.

We have only just had our DS privately assessed late last year and he is just turned 11yrs and until last year, we had only really looked at all of his atypical behaviours as individual behaviours. Once the paediatrician and psychologist had explained it in a more holistic way, we finally realised that yes, he has HFA.....albeit subtle and hidden....especially at school.

I would highly recommend having a private assessment for diagnosis carried out if you can afford to. it's sad but with a diagnosis, you can get much more support and understanding/empathy than without one. It means you don't have to continually feel like your battling preschool/school/friends parents/grandparents ...who are often very 'helpful' at explaining away atypical behaviour in the form of 'he's a boy/naughty' etc.

Oh and my DS is very affectionate....too much sometimes! He has good eye contact with friends and family but finds social situations complex and stressful. At school, he won't ask the teachers anything so won't ask to go to the loo, won't ask if he is stuck and won't speak up if he gets blamed for something he didn't do.

Thanks for those further replies! I find this forum so supportive!

'My child is affectionate and absolutely loves other people and other children! Looks great in a nursery setting, looks rather strange when we're in a play area and he thinks other parents are there for him too!'

The above could BE my son! When I take him to soft play he is constantly tagging on with other adults or taking somebody else's hand haha!

And my son is also super affectionate and loves been around others in general (which I am so grateful for, as on a very hard day a kiss and cuddle help sooo much!) But in regards the play, like you said, actual play or copying? I'm not sure myself!

Whoops my two similar messages show you that I was having computer trouble so thinking I 'lost' the first...I wrote another!

Thanks verbena, again positive to know the presence of affection on didn't prevent others from listening!

I too am grateful for him being super affectionate. Although the guilt when sometimes he's driven me to tears and then he'll stroke my face and tell me it's okay, don't worry, it'll be alright (words we say to him).

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