The Storm BEFORE the Calm

[mrsforgetful]

1 month on and the 'honeymoon' period of starting a new school is over!

Alex is settling in and as it is his birthday tomorrow he was called out in assembly to get a piece of cake- and then the whole school sang happy birthdy to him and the others who have birthdays. What a lovely thought.

Tom has 'gone cold turkry' on ICT...and is being buddied etc in the playground and not retreating into the ICT room at lunchtime.

BUT.......Leigh is so ANGRY after school. The most i can get out of him is that he says his teacher expects him to get everything right all the time and that just because he is great at maths (he's yr 2- and was given yr 6 maths the other day) and spelling and reading and as he says he knows all his keywords...that he is the odd one out at school as he says EVERYONE else can write neater than him.

So i have tried explaining that his teacher has to set him difficult tasks to see what he can or can't do- and also that with asperger's/dyspraxia is the difficulty with handwriting....

but what i feel most of all is HIS sheer FRUSTRATION. He likes to be perfect at everything- so anything less is failure.

wondered if any of you can help me on how to approach his teacher- as i think she needs to know this is how he interprets her "now leigh,you can do better...start again" or "write smaller" etc........as this may be a case of him misunderstanding her comments....he reckons she says he rushes his work- at home if he's writing or drawing- he rushes- he cannot write slowly etc without my constant intervention.

given that his teacher has agreed with me that he does show Asperger's/dyspraxia type behaviours- is she simply working through the 'steps' of school action plus in order for him to be assessed???

also i am in a bizzare situation in thaT at this school they have recognised he is SN- whereas at the old one they would not listen.....so I need your help in approaching the school in a 'friendly' way as for 2 years i have been fighting a losing battle...and i am not used to having the school on my side!

What about printing off some info sheets from the internet about it? You could explain to the teacher about Leigh's difficulties with handwriting etc and say something like "By the way, I found THIS today. I thought you might find it interesting so I printed off a copy for you too."

I'm so pleased little Alex is starting to settle in now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX!

I understand your frustrations Mrsforgetful. Poor Leigh...from what you said, it sounds more like a problem with the teacher and her phrasing of her instructions. She needs to be clear and concise, but not critise and condescend. He is obviously a bright pupil and sounds like my ds who HAS to get everything perfect. His writing is always rushed although legible, so there's no use worrying about it at the moment.

I think Coppertop has the right idea - there is a chapter about Teachers in the Tony Atwood book about Asperger's which may be worth copying?

As you say, you really don't want to upset the school if they are trying their best, at least in recognising there is a SN there, but the teacher, I feel should not be pushing Leigh in this way - she may be acknowledging the type of behaviour and not really know much about it?

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Hope Alex enjoyed his birthday MrsF - and that you're not too tired after it all.

Mrs F sorry to hear that you are having a few problems. I think that this is normal, had the same when dd started in the language unit and everyone was getting to know each other. Seeing as they are so approachable could you possibly set up a short chat with the teacher and just go over all of the points that you have made in your post. Even just to put your mind at rest and hear the teachers side of things. I am sure that this is just a "teething" problem and once you have spoken to the teacher it will all seem a lot clearer and you will feel relieved. Good luck Blossom Hill (formerly KPB!)

had a chat with the teacher- she reassured me that IN SCHOOL he is VERY happy and cheerful....and has infact been awarded the 'cheerful ribbon' for this week (?yet to see what it looks like!)

her thoughts are that he needs 1:1 support as she says that if he is supported and encouraged/kept focussed he produces amazing work-and the TA can keep his self esteem high- however if working alone he is often seen ripping up his own work- or scribbling out and getting frustrated. (i see this at home alot too) infact the other day he was given a yr6 maths sheet (he's year 2) and he did it all....so he has ability etc....but is distracted easily and like choc8 said is a perfectionist. we have related problems all day every day with his need to be 'perfect'....even down to how well he gets his socks on in the morning- he gets angry if he doesn't put them on 1st time perfectly- and that's before we leave the house!

yesterday i also spoke to her about my fears that i am not helping him by the strategies i am using - and i am scared that i am making him worse- she stopped me abruptly and said that i was doing a brilliant job and that i had unending patience! So was reassured that he has SN that needs assessing urgently......so am trying to get the 'crap parent' thing out of my head.

just feel a bit guilty though that i cannot help feeling that...

i would rather have an autistic child than be seen as a bad parent

...its down to the fact that parenting my sons is such an exhausting 7 day a week job that 'if' i was ever old that there was 'nothing wrong with them' then it could only mean 1 thing and that is that i was a rubbish parent.Its like a feeling of relief that 'there is a reason'.....does anyone else feel this too?

the liferaft is a brilliant way of exactly summing up how i feel!!!