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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

If I see one more thread that says "everyone is on the autistic spectrum"

32 replies

Blossomhill · 09/11/2006 21:04

I will explode

Please, there is a huge difference between someone who is on the autistic spectrum and someone that isn't.

As a parent of a child with asd I am finding this phrase offensive and needed to rant.

Thanks

OP posts:

aaronsmummy · 09/11/2006 21:16

BH where have you seen this. I agree huge difference, can't understand why that has been said. Rant away, I am listening.

Original poster

Blossomhill · 09/11/2006 21:22

Maybe I need to rant elsewhere.

I just find it so offensive....

Thanks AM xxx

OP posts:

Fattymumma · 09/11/2006 21:31

i have had a couple of people say this to me. that they are putting everything on teh spectrum nowdays....if a child is naughty then they just stick the label of ASD on him.

ERRR NOPE! its soul destroying when you think of all the hours you have spent trying to get dx and help for your child just to have all your work undermined by some ignorant person who cannot be bothered to actually research tehir opinion before makign ridiculous statements

KarenThirl · 10/11/2006 09:31

I last got it from my ds's head teacher. What bleedin' hope is there with that attitude?! Oh - and "ALL children have special needs". God give me strength!

coppertop · 10/11/2006 12:18

I must admit I hate it too. There's a massive difference between a child on the spectrum and one who isn't. It's a bit like saying we all have M.E. because we all get tired.

PIspoooky · 10/11/2006 12:33

I find it most annoying when people who have no children or children without ASD appear to know all there is to know about it and make assumptions

Jimjams2 · 10/11/2006 13:28

Agree- and I think its a big problem. IN ds1's case its ridiculous to suggest that any NT child is remotely like him. They're not. But I think its even more damaging for the higher functioning children. I have seen school after school cock up their dealing with children who are high functioning because they treat the condition as if it is behavioural rather than developmental.

Original poster

Blossomhill · 10/11/2006 14:05

Yes jj I think you have hit the nail on the head there. There is a big difference between a child with low functioning and HFA. Just as there is a huge difference between HFA and nt!

OP posts:

Blandmum · 10/11/2006 14:32

It is about as relevant and helpful as someone saying 'Everyone is on the blindness scale'

but on a happier note a RL mother friend of mine has now suceeded in getting her some 32.5 hours support. Fucking disgrace is that it took her 3 years!

PeachyClair · 10/11/2006 14:57

Oooh this drives me nuts

With ds being HFA, he is SO like other kids in some ways I know- but he's not, inside he's just not programmed like them. And me: In struggle with social interaction, breaking tules, obsessions- I was not like toher people, and I had a bloody miserable childhood as a result. It's not a puiece of cake now, the friends I have (not millions) are those who take ytime to gget to know and respect for the virtues I have, but frankly they're not there for my laugh a minute personality and chattiness

(Sis anyone guess it's been a long day at Uni? LOL)

Greensleeves · 10/11/2006 15:02

There was a poster the other day trying to find out whether her ds was on the milder end of the autistic spectrum though, and nobody seemed to think it was all that clear-cut. Some of the behaviours she described were regarded as marginal/borderline as far as I could see, there was nothing that said "Yes he definitely is" or "No, he isn't".

sorrell · 10/11/2006 15:11

PMSL at the 'blindness scale' so true!!
Yes, of course there are different types of autism, but fundamentally it is a difference in kind, not just in degree.
However, it isn't said with malice, I suppose. People are trying to be inclusive in their thinking and they mean no harm. The problem is when this view is widespread, as Jimjams says, the problems of autistic/Aspergers children are treated as behavioural rather than developmental. And that's just miserable for everyone.

sorrell · 10/11/2006 15:13

Greensleeves, that is because nobody could diagnose a child over the internet. Nobody could definitely say on MN if a poster's child had diabetes, for example, as the symptoms could mean many things. But if the child has diabetes he has diabetes and it is quite clear cut.

Greensleeves · 10/11/2006 15:16

Yes, fair comment sorrell. There were several posters on that thread though who said "it may or may not be, but if he's coping OK who cares, why bother getting a dx" or words to that effect. I think people definitely do think that the milder forms of autism are just features of a basically NT personality.

emmalou78 · 10/11/2006 17:59

I've said it before and I know i'l say it again, If everyone were on the autistic spectrum no-one would be.

And yes its a sentiment stolen from the Incredibles, I give all credit to pixar for that one.

Jimjams2 · 10/11/2006 19:28

yes GS agree- and that seeing it a personality trait almost is what has caused some friend's huge problems with schools. ONe school I know deal quite well with quite complex children on the autistic spectrum (say moderate/severe) but seem to routinely cock it up with their children with AS. They just cannot seem to get their heads around the idea that the children can't just pull themselves together. They're seeing it as behavioural rather than sensory/developmental/biomedical.

ScummyMummy · 10/11/2006 20:01

I totally agree that ASD is developmental and there is a massive difference betweeen having it and not having it. But in real messy old life it's occasionally bloody hard getting it right diagnosis wise, I think. The behaviours of a 2 year old with ASD with otherwise unworried, loving parents can be not at all dissimilar from an NT 2 year old with a severely depressed mother who is suffering domestic violence, for example. When there is a mild ASD (or ADHD) and difficult home circumstances things can get really confused, ime, and it can be really hard to pinpoint the exact cause of the child's difficulties. You can get so many professionals in the mix all with their own perspective and the poor kid and family caught in the middle. Difficult.

MrsForgetful · 10/11/2006 22:42

it annoys me too....but what annoys me more is that there are people who are 'missed' by the system because the parents are scared to admit 'failure' when they struggle with parenting...as they are critiscised for seeking a diagnosis rather than admit they are a crap parent....when if there were such a simple test as a bloodtest...then all would be easily diagnosed

I know several families where they 'thought' their eldest child was NT...cos they had nothing to compare it to...then they have a second child who is diagnosed...and as they learn about ASD...they start to recall their eldests development...and realise that there are huge similarities...etc

then there are families like mine (and i know coppertop says similar too) where there are other members who 'must ' be on the spectrum....now i'm sorry if that sounds like i am saying everyone is ASD....i'm not....but if someone is diagnosed at 50 with aspergers....they have not suddely aquired it...it has been with them all their life....it ws simply not diagnosable in their childhood....but they would have been the 'dreamy,quiet,'square peg/round hole',sensitive child'....that many of us recognise among the children around us....and just because they have no dx does not make them NT....no more than a naughty NT child is Autistic....but the fact is there ARE many children NOT diagnosed who should be.

Jimjams2 · 10/11/2006 22:45

yep- know of a man in his 40;s recently diagnosed, had/has real problems through not being dxed/recognised earlier.

MrsForgetful · 10/11/2006 22:57

thanks JJ...i was woried i had not expressed myself properly...this thread has angered me .

many of us 'expereinced' for whatever reason with ASD....DO see it in MANY people....and even get asked by proffesionals as to our opinion....

I was aked by a parent for ASD info cos she saw similarities in her son with mine...and now at age 5 he is diagnosed AS....all cos she knew my boys...nursery had labeled him as naughty...and no suggestion of help in settling at school...but cos she spent alot of time with me...she had seen my sons doing what hers did...she took it further and her HV/GP reffered him for an assesments...so HE is a lucky boy...as he has been noticed at 5...but not cos a professional picked up on it!

MrsForgetful · 10/11/2006 23:06

there are also parents who are convinced they just hve to be stricter etc with their child and they will 'conform'....when infact they have REAL problems with how they see/feel and interpret the world around them.

those parents may be proud of the fact that they can MAKE their child behave....and frown on those of us who cannot....but speaking as one who knows what it is like to be moulded by controlling parents.....just because i was moulded did not make me happy...and i wish to god i had been born now when my difficulties would have been recognised and strategies offered....meaning that i would not have spent 30 years of my life HATING my parents.

when i see a child being dragged across a shop...being forced to try on a coat ...and she's screaming....am i wrong to wonder if there's more to it than 'just' behaviour...maybe the child has sensory probs....and then i wonder if so...is it recognoised...o are her parents feeling towards her how my parents felt towards me...seeing me as a very difficult child who never 'appreciated the lovely jumpers mummy made me'

coppertop · 10/11/2006 23:13

I think it's worse since those "Supernanny" "Tiny Tearaways" type programmes came along. A lot of people are convinced that they would have the magic solution to your child's difficulties if they were in charge.

sorrell · 10/11/2006 23:48

Yes, unless you know WHY the behaviour is occurring you cannot know how to deal with it. ie if a child keeps going to the loo because they are diabetic, you need to treat them as a diabetic child, not as attention-seeker. The same with ASD. If they can't sit still or not fidget because they need the stimulation of movement, it is totally different to a child who chooses to move about to annoy the teacher. A child who cannot join in because they don't know how or takes a long time to retrieve information is different to a child who just refuses to join in or cannot be bothered to answer. Treating the former as the latter is every single bit as wrong as punishing a blind child for bumping into things.

MrsForgetful · 11/11/2006 00:15

sorrell...that is such a good post!

i often say to myself ...DS CAN'T do something...when others say he WON'T do something

and then there are times when i know he CAN and WON'T.....so i react differently!

PeachyClair · 11/11/2006 12:18

DS1 actually got smacked by an old biddy in tesco for being 'naughty' whren he was just being Sam in a supermarket

by the time he was calmed down biddy had vanished

Sam was only sitting on the trollet fencing too, I wouldn't even get narky with ds2 for that

Which is my way of saying I agree supernannny et al have backed up the just get stricter with them culture, and that it's most unfair on the kids

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