So upset for ds3, breaks my heart he is this way.

[QueenEagle]

Selective mutism has been talked about for some time now by his playgroup and SALTherapist. I agree as he chats away at home, although lots of his speech is unintelligible (sp?).

Worst part of all this has been since returning to playgroup last week. First day he walked through the door holding my hand but bent over completely double so as to avoid making eye contact with and saying hello to the playgroup teachers. Same on the way out. During the session (he gets lots of one-to-one support) they have started to refuse him toys unless he asks. He has been overheard talking freely with other kids so they have decided it is attention seeking to an extent and are refusing to allow him to get away with choosing who (not) to speak to.

Awful afternoon today, I visited my dad, ds refused to acknowledge him so we refused to let him play with any toys until he did. Cue massive tantrum which went on for about an hour, me returning him to the bottom step til he stops crying and comes to say hello to grandad and ask to play with toys.

I really feel for him as he is desperately shy but I know he cannot carry on refusing to speak with people. It broke my heart to not let him play and have him get so upset.

So, SM is anxiety based? I can draw some comfort then from the fact he talks so much at home, at least. It means we are doing something right.

ds3 stammers a lot too which I also know is an anxiety thing. He is very bad again since returning to playgroup - I have noticed this comes and goes. SALT have been very helpful with explaining how to deal with this, ie ignoring it and waiting patiently for him to get his words out. 'W' is his sticking point atm.

So, atm it's playgroup which is causing him te most stress, it would seem. I think I will explain to them that atm he doesn't need the pressure on him to speak and suggest they make some flash cards up - a hand wave for hello and goodbye and a toilet sign, perhaps?

Can someone tell me more about PECS please - I have read through this thread again and can't find what it actually is.

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QueenEagle-From what I know about SM yes it is anxiety based.
I think with my ds it has a lot to do with the sound of his voice and speaking correctly.DS is quite a perfectionist and I wonder if he knows he has problems with saying certain words and so fears that it will come out wrong.

You say your DS is reluctant to speak to the SALT so they are delaying therapy.My DS did'nt speak in any of his sessions with the SALT at the childrens center so i suggested she visit his school and observe him and then she came back to our house.My DS spoke to her on the way home and back at home and it was the first time she had heard him talk.He obviously felt comfortable in his own surroundings and i also find he will talk to his friends from school who come back for a playdate.

They say it is best to prepare children with SM for any big changes such as changing school.Could the new teacher he will be having meet with you and ds and show him round what will be the new classroom.

As for the playgroup like you said just ave a word with them and explain your DS should'nt be put under any pressure to talk.I found printing out some information on SM and taking it into schools might help them.

Good luck with your meeting with the SALT and hope you can get some support soon.

tiptoes thanks for your rpelies. I knew that it was anxiety based, I guess I was just thinking out loud really.

I should have said that one of the SALT's from the CDC has visited the playgroup to observe him and also done several sessions at home with him using play therapy. She felt she had gone as far as she could with him and has done a report.

The current major problem is his regression at playgroup. Also he has regressed at home in that he has started to wet himslef a lot and have the most awful tantrums when asked to do simple things such as get dressed.

I usually cope with all this really well and have never posted about it on the sn boards before (not to this extent). I am just finding it hard to deal with and some advice and support on here would be most welcome. dh is getting more stressed too, and I feel I should be the strong one to alleviate his stress iyswim.

If anyone can tell me about the PECS mentioned earlier, that would be great.

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Do you make your own pecs or do you order them from somewhere?

If I suggested this to playgroup would they know what I meant? I need another medium for ds3 to use but I wonder if it is still too much pressure for him?

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No you wouldn't need the formal pyramid approach - that's designed for children who need to learn via ABA, uusally with very little understanding of language. Your ds can have tha pproach explained to him.

I've just posted a load of lnks to PECS resources on this thread including a lot of free ones, have a look through those first.