Bossy Boots! What can I do?

[Eulalia]

Anyone got any advice on how to handle ds?s increasingly bossy behaviour. From the minute he gets up to bedtime I get a stream of orders. I don?t mind him asking me for something to eat and it is a bit wearing that he will expect it immediately but some requests I find unreasonable. This morning he demanded that I get off my chair and get the sticklebricks which were on the table. I said get them yourself but he just kept repeating it at high volume over and over ?get off the chair? etc. Of course it would have been easier for me to get them but I don?t want to go down that route so I just left the room.

The other day at my parents he was shouting at me to ?come here?. I was preparing his lunch. Ironically he actually showed a good grasp of language by shouting ?mummy I don?t want you over there, I want you over HERE? With emphasis on the ?there? and ?here?. My Dad told him to shut up very loudly and he did. Not terribly PC but sometimes nothing else seems to work.

Anyway how do I handle this ? as it seems to be getting worse? And it?s not just me - he does it to dd all the time, dh, the other children at nursery, anyone who he feels isn?t acting ?correctly?. Will it get better as he gets older? A reminder he is now 4yrs, 7 months. Thanks.

Hi Eulalia, I'm not sure if your is special needs or not as I don't usually post on SN threads as I've little or no advise to give.
However your young man sound exactly like our DS1 who will be 5 in April. He will ask for something and if I (or whoever the order is barked at) do not immediatley start to do what he wants he will say it again and again. He will even sometimes say it when I've got to were ever I'm going to make his drink/sandwich/picture/ etc etc etc.
It also drives me mad and I have realised that the only way to stop him asking again is to immediatley answer him, and I mean IMMEDIATLEY with whatever I need to say, be it a yes, no, maybe or later type of answer. I hardly let him finish his sentence before I answer. He is getting better and will sometimes say "Mummy whne you've done that can you....." rather than demanding it straight away.
I'm terribly impatient myself so I suppose he gets it from me,

Ds1 used to be like a mini-Sergeant-Major when it came to giving orders. I found that what worked best for us was to wait for a very short time (literally a couple of seconds) before doing whatever it was he wanted - although of course only if it was a reasonable request. It took a while but he soon realised that if he waited for those few seconds he would get what he wanted. This time period was gradually increased - we're now up to about 30 seconds. It's not a long time but it does at least mean that he waits about 30 seconds before repeating his order.

Thanks - I do try to do whatever it is quickly but not always easy with dd being demanding too and dh rarely around to help.

What did you do if it wasn't a reasonable request coppertop?

If it's not a reasonable request and I say no then all hell breaks loose. It's a case of me grabbing ds2 and running for cover! Distraction sometimes works with ds1 but it depends on how badly he wants whatever it is that he's asked for.

ds (2.5) is doing this atm - where on earth does he get it from?

what i'm doing at the moment with a reasonable degree of success is to respond to every "order" with "how do you think a polite boy would ask that question?" and give him an example. E.g. "Mummy, please could you help me get the sticklebricks from under the table?" - ok you would still have to get up... followed by lavish praise when he repeats his request politely or does it unprompted (rare).

he has picked this up pretty fast and although he still needs prompting, he's got much better.

i appreciate he could still regress by 4y 7m regardless of the progress he's making now...

hth and good luck.

oh bollocks - sorry just realised this is a SN thread. don't know if my advice will be any use...

bk - The more people on the SN threads the better! It doesn't matter if you don't have children with SN. Advice can still be useful.

i suppose i meant i don't know what kind of SN Eulalia's ds has, which could impact what sort of advice would be appropriate, but thanks anyway, coppertop

Thanks bossykate - ds has autism and I am afraid that approach would just go right over his head! He can only see his own point of view. May work for dd in due course though...

good luck, i hope you find a solution, it's very grating isn't it?