Bringing son home for lunch to help reduce 'meltdown' later...am i doing the right thing?

[mrsforgetful]

I've posted on the education area the 'latest' incidnet at school- he was pleading to not go to school today- i decided on the spur of the moment to say i would bring him home today- and i explained it was just for today and he'd miss playtime etc...and he still wanted to- however i am doubtful now if i'm helping him- or just 'reassuring me'

He seems to have greater problems in literacy as there is more 'carpet time'- and it's always before lunch- so my theory was if he came home i could do the 'social story bit' at home alone with him for 5 minutes- then he'd go back with 'the morning behind him' and if like yesterday there is an incident i can address it straight away- not at hometime.

However....my worry is that what if he has had such a bad time and i feel my spines go up and i get 'over protective'- will i be 'helping' or 'hindering'?

You may be starting something that will be tricky to undo and it could be hard to get him back to being at school at lunchtime...... BUT maybe its best to give him a break and feel better yourself. I think you need to think up a strategy either to get him back there tomorrow or soon. What about having one day a week when he comes home and then for the rest of the week he knows that on Wednesday (for instance and not a bad day to pick) he has his lunch at home with mum. If you could do it long term I think I would do that, then he can look forward to that when he's at school at lunchtime the rest of the week. If you can't do it, then I don't know what to suggest. Maybe you'll answer and say it won't be a problem getting him back there tomorrow....

that i don't know- as always i have 'run through this ' several times- each time ending with 'this is just for today'- however i have been thinking about every wednesday funily enough!!!
However ds1 heard me talking about this- and was 'jealous' and sure enough ds3 will want fair treatment too- it's so hard when there's more than one to consider. Bringing them all home on one day would be a disaster- and i doubt if they'd all have eaten in time to get back to school- and as far as each having a day each- that feels too big a commitment...bad mum i know - but to 'remedy' a difficult time is one thing- but to be commited 3 days a week - well i'll wait till the day i have to do that- not cause it!!!

i think my biggest 'hurdle' is me----I have had enough of school- and i feel i am not masking my feelings well enough!(but hopefully they won't notice- they don't normally notice my facial expression!!!)

OH! i am soooo proud of him!!!!!
i waited at the reception and i heard 'MUMEEEEEE!' and for the first time in ages he ran up and cuddled me- at 3.15 he NEVER does this.

Then as we walked home i asked him how his morning had been and what he said absolutely amazed me!

he said that when he was in literacy he decided to sit like a 'year 3 boy'....he is yr 2 but is in a year 3 numeracy group- i asked how a year 3 sat and he said 'very still and with his arms folded on his lap'

I said who's idea- he said his!!!

he is so clever!

Awwwww! That's so sweet!

well- all went ok- he went back to school and did not expect it yesterday- however mentioned it today- I just said 'not today'!!! RELIEF!!!! Yesterday i was in tears at school as he was so reluctant to go into class- ds3's teacher 'took contol' and said he could join her R/yr 1 class for a few mins- then she'd take ds2 to his own class---this was brilliant- he visibly relaxed. This anxiety had began at home over the fact that his milk went cholatey in his cereal bowl.he was silent for 30 mins and i did not handle things well- there has been too much this week.

my mental health worker visited me yesterday so i was able to explain everything- i was very relieved when sh asked for my consent to speack direct with all the people involved with our welfare and if necassary make a referal to the Child and Family team (social services) - she assures me she does not see the children as at risk- so i have to trust her. She thinks it's appauling that we have not had a 'multi- agency' meeting EVER...ie the paed,SENCO and us all in one room at the same time.

Also i wrote a reply to the Behaviour Policy STEP that ds2 was put on on tuesday.....and as i was handing it in his teacher approached me for the 1st time this week- terrible isn't it....took me breaking down INFRONT OF THE HEAD OD KEY STAGE 1 (DS3'S TEACHER) for her to talk to me. She keeps focussing on his 'behaviour not being that bad' i explained i am not talikg about his 'demonstrating' behaviours- i am concerned with his 'overload' that he manages in school then explodes at home- and that i cannot see how 'doing the cancan' in 'timeout' could ever be seen as 'ok'....also i mentioned his constand symetrical fiddling with his hands and how he almost permanently has his fingers crossed- i almost laughed when she said that 'all kids do that'....so....all her clas stim do they?????

But she did volunteer one observation which i mentioned before- in that she has noticed that looking back he will often appear very grey faced- and pale for a while in class- then later his face will resume it's normal colouring- i said that it was probably when he is anxious or feeling overwhelmed and could she look a bit futrther and see if it is followed with 'dissruptive behaviour' and is it mainly in situations that i have explained he has told me he hates- ie carpet time/singing/assembly

Finally i am 'copying' their 'Reading Record' sheet- a 25 square grid which he takes to the teacher every time he feels he has done well,apologised or shown empathy- the idea is that he will hopefully 'prove to them' what i believe- and that is he often thinks he is behaving- but infact isn't- and that is because as DS3's teacher suggested the other day he may not be able to control his behaviour without guidance- and i feel that if he is approaching them for a sticker for his grid- then a)they will HAVE to praise him- there is none of that at the moment- and b) IF he has not really been any different- or he has 'gone over the top' and appears odd in his efforts to 'be good' then they will also be able to see that his perception is 'different' to his peers.

Sorry to rant on again- but my head is finally clearing and i am finding (as Davros said ) that if i write letters/print of these posts- and i re-read them (and the replies) i am actually begining to 'verbalise' these things in a more confident way. (I would like yesterday to be my last day in tears at school)

MrsF I hope next week will be a lot better for you than this one has been.

From the sounds of things it's a shame that ds3's teacher doesn't teach ds2. She seems to understand him so much more, ie letting him get settled in her class before taking him over to his own class.

Your mental health worker also sounds really good. It's amazing how much less stressed you feel when you have someone to go out and talk to all the different groups of people involved. Our portage/Early Years worker does this for us and it feels as though a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders.

took the acknowledgement of the behaviour letter in today- and ds2's teacher spoke to me for the first time this week- telling me that 'he isn't that naughty really- i needn't worry'....WHY OH WHY do these teachers only think there is a problem if the child is naughty????? DH is finally beginning to try and understand and even he said that she was just trying to water it all down- however as i have written so many letters /accounts reacently my answers came flowing- not going to be 'diluted' this time!!!!
after school the teacher that had issued his 'red letter' came over and said that they will try my 'social story' idea to see if they can get him to apologise- and agreed to be more specific about 'praise' as he feels no one notices. She reckons he behaved this way 'just to see how far he could push her'- i laughed and said that i wished it were that simple- she said that one part of the acct ds2 gave me was not quite correct and was concerned that this would go on her file....FINALLY i have managed to do something which has made someone react!!! After she explained 'her' side of things i advised her that i would talk to ds2 and then write another note to indicate which part of the original letter i wished to retract- however i made it clear that as far as ds2 felt- she had reacted as he described- so my comments were accurate as i was describing his perception. She 'struggled' with this- but i really don't think any of the teachers there understand how specific you need to be with an AS child- they have such a stereotypical idea of Autism. (but so did i before ds1 was diagnosed)

I have TOLD them that i will be providing a 'sticker chart' for him to produce after a lesson when 'HE feels he has behaved/achieved'- i stressed that this would be as much to 'prove' his perception of his behaviours as it was to be rewarded with a 'treat day' when the sheet is complete. Ds2 understands the stickers will be for assemblies/carpet time and other 'difficult' areas...i have listed 5 'aims' - but these are not on the sheet. I have told the school that i want to work with them not against.

And finally ....wondered if this 'sudden' communication burst was anything to do with the fact that i have copied all my letters to the Child and Family Therapy Unit- and that my mental health worker isreferring us to Social services as she feels that this will enable the whole welfare of the kids to be cosidered- so no more of this...'well he's fine at school' as the Ed Psych is being requested- so i will finally get the 'unbiased' opinion- we are even getting the 'at home' observations that i am desparate for........and there is one other 'twist' that i cannot believe......a social worker who ran a course at school- who saw me b4 xmas on a real low- and has met my boys ...only turns out to be living at the end of my back garden!!!!!! Now as i have NOTHING to hide i am rather pleased about this as in the summer i spend alot of time up the garden- so she will 'witness' our dynamics in action!!!!

Oh, MrsF. I think I took that last paragraph a bit too literally. When you said you had a social worker living at the end of your back garden I thought you meant that she was living in your shed or something!!! Now I know you're desperate for a dx but I think locking social workers in your shed is perhaps a little extreme.....

Proves i don't preview my posts!!!!