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Aaaaaaaaghhhhhhh

24 replies

Jimjams · 23/02/2004 19:26

New obssession

Our stairs are divided into 2, ds1 will NOT walk down the 2nds bit unless I walk down with him holding his hand. No-one else will do. It is driving me insane. He stands at the top shouting "aye aye an" No odea what that means although an is stairs. If I don't come he comes to find me screaming, walks back upstairs dragging me with him and the walks back down the stairs holding my hand. At the bottom he stops screaming.

This came out of the blue on Saturday. He is insane!

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eidsvold · 23/02/2004 20:13

that must be so maddening -

wanna swap - we have two stairs leading down from our lounge room to our dining room and where does dd head.. not to the huge pile of toys in the lounge room but for the stairs and hangs over them... not that two are a long way down but it is down to a parquet floor - head first if she goes.......... trying to teach her to turn around and go down backwards - no success yet.....

i find it unusual that he will walk down and then take you back up and then walk down again.... very unusual.... any ideas?!?!

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Jimjams · 23/02/2004 21:26

Just that the walking downstairs holding my hand is the obsession bit, so as long as that's fulfilled it doesn't matter if he has to go and fetch me. Very strange indeed.

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coppertop · 23/02/2004 21:30

Sometimes it just feels as though no matter how many rituals and obsessions you try to head off there will always be one that creeps up behind you without you realising.

We had a similar thing with ds1 last year, only he started off with insisting that we carry him down the stairs. I thought at first it was just because he'd seen us always carrying ds2 down the stairs and that he wanted to be the same. It soon turned into an obsession and god only knows how many times we had to carry him down those bl**dy stairs. After about 2 months it tapered off into him wanting to walk down the stairs next to him each time. As with many of his other rituals this one just stopped for no apparent reason.

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Davros · 23/02/2004 21:35

Mine's done this sort of thing in the past. At one time I always had to go upstairs with him and he'd scream if I didn't. That faded. Not so long ago I could only get him downstairs for school if I carried him on my back (did this the day before having baby!). This went a while ago but lasted, probably a month or so. Who knows what its all about but its something I tend to indluge within reason as it seems to go quite quickly. SOrry, not much practicul use

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fio2 · 23/02/2004 21:40

Poor you jimjams! Had a bit of a giggle though, what is it about stairs? My dd is pretending she cant use them at all now (sigh) Knew we should have gone for a bungalow

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Davros · 24/02/2004 08:57

One thing I do try with these types of behaviours is to maybe do what he wants 2 times out of 3 IYSWIM. That way you make sure it isn't EVERY time but he gets to feel secure about doing it quite a lot. Also, if you decide you're not strong enough not to do it sometimes its not noticeable. One I remember is walking on walls and there's lots of garden walls here that are a good height to hop on to. I would say "not this one, the next one" so he could still do it but it was a bit reduced. I also used to find that "running commentary" during strange behaviours helped, e.g. I'd be babbling non-stop "we're not going on this one, we're going to the next one, the next one is the one we want blah blah blah". This then became ineffective so I completely cut out the commentary and started using more eye contact, gestures and signing. Its always a "work in progress" (with American accent)

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katierocket · 24/02/2004 09:11

just wanted to say, I just posted about DS waking up at 5.30 continuously and then I read this and thought "wise up, you have nothing to worry about".

I hope that doesn't sound patronising or insulting, I just realised that in the scheme of things being tired is bugger all.

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Jimjams · 24/02/2004 10:08

Davros the image I have of you carrying your son on your back when 9 months pregnant!

Well all your techniques sound similar to mine. I tend try to leave him to it, and make him at least wait. I know exactly what you mean about the running commentary thing. You should have heard me walking into school today "nice walking, good walking, blah blah". apparentle he used his PECS yesterday at school to ask for chasing!

Wonder how long it'll last? I'm hoping its a visual stim which will miraculously disappear now he's started vitamin A (I will be amazed if vitamin A does get rid of the visual stimming- but will report back impressed if it does).

He's very out of sorts at the moment. Has suddenly gone off his bed as well. Thanks god half term is over and we're back in routine.

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Davros · 24/02/2004 11:59

Yeah, and he was a hefty 8 year old!! Asking for "chasing" with PECs is wonderful, its not chocolate, juice, crisps etc and involves another person, quite major
Must say I'm happy that half term is over but on SUnday evening I was upset and wanted him to be at home and I miss him now!!

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dinosaur · 24/02/2004 12:43

Jimjams, it's funny that this is stair-related isn't it, as he also won't go up the stairs at your friend's house.

I have no advice I'm afraid. DS1 has been very out of sorts too, while he's had chickenpox. Why should he be more "autie" while he's ill - does that somehow confirm that autism and the immune system are linked?

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twiglett · 24/02/2004 12:45

message withdrawn

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Jimjams · 24/02/2004 13:07

Stairs mcsnares! Stairs have been a problem for years, he always gets weird things about stairs (although in my friend's house I think its the upstairs that's a problem rather than the stairs themselves). I rejected out local school becuase it had lots of stairs, his has none- bet you can understand why now!

Ds1 is always more autie when ill as well. I wonder whether its just becuase they have to work hard not to be, so they can't be bothered when ill. The "normal" emulator stops working iyswim.

Anyway he had a lovely morning at school as a fire engine visited!

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dinosaur · 24/02/2004 13:11

Doors and gates have always been DS1's worst. It used to be a disaster at nursery if some well-meaning parent arriving before us tried to hold the door open for us. I just had to ask them to go in and close the door behind them!

We don't have a car, but he had several hissy fits at half-term staying with grandparents if one of them opened the car door before he had the chance to do it. At least they are more understanding now about it - my dad used to think he was just being awkward.

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Jimjams · 24/02/2004 13:52

car doors@!!!! If someone on our street dares to open a door/boot to fill their car he goes ape. Willnot leave the car until all doors are shut. Used to be very bad about any doors but gradually that one faded.

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dinosaur · 24/02/2004 16:30

Keeping everything crossed for you that the stair one fades soon too Jimjams.

How strange it all is. Most of the time I am just enured to it but sometimes it really strikes me - how bloody strange it all is.

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Davros · 24/02/2004 18:09

Maybe a stairs thing could be related to vision and not being able to judge depth very well? Wow, where did I trawl that idea from?????

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Jimjams · 24/02/2004 20:20

think you're right davros. His depth perception is none existent. He has trouble stepping from carpet onto a wooden floor iyswim.

He loves lines though- washing lines, stairs, railway lines. Hopefully this vitamin A will improve it (can you tell I remain to be convinced!)

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Eulalia · 24/02/2004 22:03

He obviously has to redo it before he feels happy.

The stairs was one of the very first things ds did and gave me my first doubts about him around age 3. He would scream at me to come down the stairs just behind him. He still does this. Won't go down on his own and gets v annoyed if I run down past him. At night it is the other way round and he wants to go up first. What annoys me is that he won't go upstairs to get anything like a toy, I have to go with him. AND what REALLY annoys me is that he will drop something beside his chair and scream at me to get it rather than get off the chair and get it himself.

Sorry didn't mean this to turn into a rant

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mrsforgetful · 24/02/2004 23:39

ds2 (7) has always eemed to be obsessed with only me putting him to bed- stupidly i thought this was 'clingyness' though never had that with any of my boys- and he's older now etc. However 'got there' eventually last night!!!....turns out that 'I' fold his baby blanket up on his pillow the 'same' everynight- and my husband does it 'different' ! Aha! so i have 'taught' dh 'how to fold it my way' and ds2 went to bed perfectly with him tonight- the first time in years!!! This blanket has been folded on his pillow for about 3 years and as a 'ritual' it is fine ....but this has highlighted that though some rituals etc are small- and seem to be no trouble to 'indulge'- the problem is when someone else is caring for the child! 'IF'we go out- i have to write a list of 'do's and don'ts for ds1 and 2- covering every little eventuality.

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Jimjams · 25/02/2004 09:40

ds1 has got better at picking up things he has dropped. Although he generally starts screaming, but if I say "pick it up" he will. If I don't say it he carries on screaming and hitting himself!

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dinosaur · 25/02/2004 09:42

My DS1 always insists on being the first one to go up or down the stairs.

mrsforgetful - glad you figured out about the blanket!

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coppertop · 25/02/2004 09:53

Ds1's obsession is that only dh can put him to bed and go through his many bedtime rituals (switching lights on and off, walking round our romm twice, things that have to be said etc). I never thought I would say this about an obsession but......LONG MAY IT CONTINUE!!!!

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mrsforgetful · 25/02/2004 10:03

and isn't it amazing how many 'mini' obsessions that develop- i sometimes think that everytime i do something 'for the first time' and ds2 likes it - then 'suddlenly' overnight this is something he 'HAS' to have . Eg....he is ALWAYS creating new rules...he will often say 'I know, every day at ?o'clock we will do ...?...' I then forget till the next day when he says about it.

Also i do find some of his obsessions just 'disappear' and he gets 'cross' that i mention/do them- then suddenly they appear agin and i have to 'get used to it'

Remember the 'cup of teas'?....well in addition to having a 'Top up ' then a 'Top Up Up'...he now calls his 1st cup of tea of the day as his 'Top Up Down'- as this is the one he has when he has just come 'down' stairs.

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dinosaur · 25/02/2004 10:05

LOL at the "top up down" mrsforgetful!

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