food fads... and how to deal with them

[2under2]

I know I'm not the only one here with a faddy eater - how do others tackle this? I feel quite unsure about it with my dd with SN - with my other dd food fads didn't bother me as I knew she wouldn't starve and that it was just a phase. However, with my dd with DS we have been dealing with various food fads for over 1.5 years now (she is nearly 3). Her newest thing (which has been going on for a rather long 3 months) is to have an almighty tantrum - tears, screaming, hurling herself against the back of her chair when offered food that, on that day and at that moment, isn't quite what she wants. She only does this at home or when in a restaurant with us (lovely!) - at nursery she does just fine. It can be a fine line to tread - last week yoghurt with bits in was fine, yesterday it provoked an almighty outburst (and yoghurt drooled in anger all over the dining room). Also, at home she will have a huge tantrum at the sight of peas and then spend ages meticulously sorting her food with a fork, at nursery she will happily scoff the exact same meal without any problems. We're all getting very fed with ruined meal times and wasted food.
Her list of permitted foods is rather limited - it seems that for fruit & veg, for instance, only broccoli and bananas are acceptable at home. It's obviously a behavioural thing she does for me and dh, but I don't know how to tackle it. We've tried telling her off (just makes her even madder), cheering her on (works sometimes), ignoring her and removing her from the dinner table (again, just makes her even angrier). When I don't give in - which is most of the time now - she really doesn't eat anything else.
She was a total nightmare over Christmas when we had family staying with us. We're off to stay with relatives at Easter and I'm nervous about this already. She is good with all textures and has no problems at all eating - it's just this behavioural thing that I cannot solve.

Hi 2under2...she sounds just like my dd....she's grown out of the tantrums now (well she is 10) but the food fads have continued. She has a really restricted diet but will eat plenty of what she likes. I used to just put the food in front of her and then remove it a while later if it wasn't eaten and basically make no other comment other than praise for what she had eaten (if anything)Tantrums were just ignored. Also, although your dd might be a bit young, we would let her choose what she wanted to eat, but only a small choice for example 'you can have this or this'. At the end of the day if she's ok at nursery its a control thing, and she knows its getting to you

Hi 2under2, we used to have the same problems with our sn dd except it was less of tantrum throwing just more of total reluctance to eat. In the end she lost that much weight we got reffered to a dietician. The dietician was very helpful, dont know whether you could get a refferal? We had to put dd on a high calorie diet, so what she would eat had to have a maximum amount of calories for a little bit of food. Things like putting butter or cream on the vegetables, cream on cereal (instead of milk), pastries and the like, chocolate etc. She also had to have fortini drinks (which a high calorie milk drinks) for a short while until her weight went back up again.

She eats normally now, I think going full time to sn nursery has helped. Also her brother is a good eater and I think the competition makes her eat more! She just seemed to go through a stage of about a year of not eating properly. It just seems worse with sn kids doesnt it? She was always the type of child who caught everything going aswell and I always used to think if only she would eat properly her immunity would be better. Anyway I hope this helps and they do come out of it, it just takes longer than normal!

that must be sooooo frustrating 2under2 ( although what about 3 under ?)
what about going into nursery to see what they do?!?! would that be a solution...

on another note - so glad to see you popping in was wndering how life was getting on with three little ones.... sorry it was not on a more positive note

loads of eating probs in our hose- the 'choices' thing is great- offer 2 or 3 that YOU ARE PREPARD TO COOK- she will then hopefully be 'fooled' and will switch the 'control' thing to the 'choosing the meal'

I know NT parents will say @NO TOYS AT THE TABLE'- but with ds2 (who at 7 still has what has been called 'food phobia' and a sensory problem)-however at its worst when he was 3 (it HAS got better- but i do feel manipulated and controlled by him- but it is tolerable now). At that age he loved lego so we woukld have a pile of lego and give him 1 brick for each mouthful- we had to feed him (and unless it's his favourite food we still have to feed him now) Hw would be distracted by the lego and we'd sometimes 'sneak' an extra mouthfull in again.

As he grew older we'd let him build a lego train 1st then he'd sismantle it then he'd gradually re-build it mouthful by mouthful.

Then at 6 he was into 'beyblades' (spinning tops) . We'd separate the beyblade into all it's separate components and then he's get one pice back at a time- we made it harder eventually as we'd not give him them in the right order so he learnt to wait till he had the 'right' bits.

Finally.....small jigsaws (the tray type are gret) are good like this too- one pice for each mouthfull

Now at 7- he has NOTHING at the table- so contrary to what people say WE DID NOT MAKE A ROD FOR OUR OWN BACK

With ds2 as he has sensory issues- so wouldn't eat yogurt with lumps full stop- we have used tequniques such as smelling the food,touching it on lips,licking ,and nibbling/chewing and even allowing him to 'spit' out gently onto tissue- this was suggested by a book'Can't Eat: Won't eat' which is aimed at ASD...but excellent for any 'faddy' problem.

I agree that you DD may be 'just' controlloing as i said DS2 could not tolerate foods in any situation that he gags on at home- so is very consistent- however as always i bet there's a parent reading this who has a ASD child who can gag at home but eat fine elswhere!!

A parent at a group i go to had a son who still vomited at age 5 if he had anything but ham sandwhiches- the paed recommented he was given ham sandwhiches every day for a few weeks- so that the 'spasm/reflex/muscles' that caused the projectile vomiting became redundant- and 'amazingly' though now he will still protest at 'foreign' foods - he cannot 'trigger' this sickness!

thanks very much for the suggestions - much food for thought here and a few things to try out!
Eidsvold, I always whine about things here , but other than meal times everything is very good. Life is hectic with three but not much more than before! Dd got hearing aids today and has been brilliant at keeping them in and is proud as punch - keeps pointing at them and getting her kit bag - she was trying to find another pair so baby could have some, too.

glad to hear things are going well.... despite the food fads..... she sounds sooo cute

awww bless her 2under2 I can just imagine her trying to put them in his ears!

You've probably tried all these but here goes ...

special bowls/cutlery - my dd likes his banana sliced with a little fork to eat it

sauce (eg ketchup) to go with the food

a dip with breadsticks/carrot batons... sometimes having something more 'grown-up' can help... what about eating with you?

it does sound like attention seeking and I'd think she will eventually get bored with it. In some ways it was the Terrible 3's for us - I realise now that it was because ds was developmentally delayed.

Good luck