dd2 laughed at in school - dd1 v. upset :-(

[geekgrrl]

Dd1(nearly 7) and dd2 (5 with Down's syndrome and hearing loss) both attend the v. small local primary school. The school is lovely and everything had been problem-free until today.
When we got home dd1 burst into tears and said that some of the girls from her class had been laughing about dd2 in the playground. Dd2 needed the toilet and had hitched up her dress in the playground on her way to the loo. She said the girls were laughing about dd2 nastily and that it made her really sad. She said she started crying and went to sit down on a bench for a cry, because she felt so bad for dd2 who does the best she can and has to work so hard at everything.
I feel really sad for dd1, dd2, and that we have met our first problem at school. To top it off, the ringleader is a good friend of dd1's and due to come for a sleepover in 10 days' time. I don't really feel like having her here now tbh.

I guess I'll have a word with the class teacher on Monday (she's also the SENCo) and I'm sure the school will deal with it appropriately. But I feel sad for dd1. I've tried to find out about sibling groups but there aren't any in the area, and our local Carers' Resource is shambolic and amateurishly run.

You must feel bloody awful sweetheart, I'm crying and I don't even know your girls!

I wouldn't have the girl over for a sleepover, nad I'm sure your dd1 will understand, I mean how upset has this girl made her today? she obviously adores her younger sister and I'm sure she'll see that she's more important then some fickle little cowbag in the playground. Of course theres every chance that letting the kid come orund would make her more accepting and understanding, but I'd be pricklng with 'you little bag yo made my girl cry' all the whilst and it would be unfair...

Make it a special night for your girls, watch a film get some sweeties and milkshakes, make them feel as special andspoilt as all girls deserve to!

I will apologise now as I haven't read all this thread...but what I have has had me in tears. I really feel for you all, but like TC, it is almost in a selfabsorbed manner!!!

I feel I am only a short way behind all of this geekgrrl. DS is almost 7 and Amelia 4.5. DS lost his best friend this month as her moved away to Spain!! You see the looks in the playground from some of his class"mates" and I worry so much about him having friends around because Amelia won't leave them alone!

I had some info on siblings, not sure where the literature came from now. I am up to my eyes in trying to get Amelia a statement ATM, but when I come across it, I will let you know.

All I can do is send hugs!!!!

Geekgrrl, am feeling very sad for your dds. That's a horrible experience. I don't have an SN child so feel free to ignore me, but I think the people who say it might be plain ignorance could be onto something here. I happened to have a number of friends at different stages of school who had SN of varying kinds. People who didn't know them would often be cruel - I think some people react to 'difference' really badly.

I was the sort of bossy cow who would point out exactly where the aggressor was going wrong, insisted they did have to bloody behave themselves and say sorry. Usually ended up with the nasty child being very embarrassed as if they hadn't really thought about it very clearly (and weren't used to being shown up publicly by another child).

Obviously if having her in your home gives you the heebie jeebies then don't do it. And feel free to tell me to butt out. But ancient memories of being a 5yo with a deaf friend, and a 7yo with a friend with a facial deformity (sorry, don't know what the actual medical term for it was), etc. etc. I think it may be more ignorance than deliberate malice.

ah, thank you all. Really appreciate the caring and supportive replies and thank you for the book suggestion, frogs, will go and get it today.
You know, I was worried that I was being OTT feeling upset about this, so I'm really glad that others find it upsetting, too.
I'll talk to the school on Monday morning, I would think they'd crack down on this with a sledgehammer, knowing what they're like on bullying in general and how (almost) everybody is incredibly protective of dd2.
I'm still not sure on the sleepover.
I feel so angry for dd1. I don't want her to feel that she has to be vigilant at school and that this might happen. Next term she'll be on a different playground and she'll probably worry about dd2 being teased without her there to look after her.
KTeePee - in response to your post - I think this is the kind of thing that should be spoken about and reinforced at home as well as at school. It's such a big thing - and one of those 'foundation morals'. I felt all sad for the little girl in the playground. And to her mum it probably just wouldn't have occured that this would happen, that's why she wasn't paying any attention.

I think having her to stay would be an education for her rather than just keeping her away iyswim.I know it must be horrible to have your child laughed at like that but seven yr olds say silly things and it is up to us to show thwm the way.

Dead right about it being basic morality, Geekgrrrl. And relieved to check back in and find I haven't massively pissed you off - felt a bit anxious about posting given I'm not actually in your shoes.

Hi Geekgirl, I woke up thinking about this thread this morning, I didn't post yesterday because other people had said what I wanted to.

There's one other point I wanted to post though. You say this girl is the ringleader? As far as I recall ringleaders types at that age (if not throughout life) have a great deal of influence on the people around them, whether that be negative or positive (look at Grace in BB for example). Now if you could bring this girl into your lives and show her how it can be cool to befriend/lookout for someone who's "different" then she could make your girls' schoolives a lot more pleasant. I shouldn't think it would be too difficult to change her attitude. You could use the sleepover as a real positive opportunity. You'll have to grit your teeth and dig deep of course, but it could be really really worth it. If she could be made to feel special/grown up/magnaminous by being dd2's friend she and her friends would really look out for her at school. If her parents are a nice as you think, and she's been well brought up, there's a good chance she could be brought round.

Geekgirl, I suppose what I was trying to say is that I don't know if the girl's parents/school WANT the other children to know yet that she is different from her classmates in any way, which is why I didn't want to say anything to ds if it wasn't appropriate (other than being kind to every child, etc.) It would be lovely if she was treated the same as everyone else, I suppose the reality is that the other kids HAVE noticed something different about her and are perhaps treating her unkindly. Regarding her mother, the least said the better, lets just say she is the sort of person who doesn't believe in ANY of her children wearing seatbelts, let alone being in child seats

oh I am soo sad this happened but think like the others - using all their fab suggestions. Your dd1 is just a wonderful sister and would have made me so proud being her mum.

SO I would talk to school and let them know what happened. I would have her over and get in her ear as someone suggested in a sickly treacly way about how great it is to send dd2 to school with her sister and how kind ( okay try not to choke here or should that be choke her) everyone seems to be to her. And if it was my child I would want to know especially if you could give me info to help with talking to my children about down syndrome for example iyswim.

Just wanted to know and for you but [pleased] your dds have such a fab relationship.

KTP - you could say something in response to the fact that no child needs to be surrounded by a group of children chanting their name - especially when it seems malicious - they have a right to feel safe and secure not threatened. I wuold have just told them that was enough and gone to the circle and tried to bring the little girl out with me to play elsewhere iyswim. I had a go at a kid who was trying to ride his bike up a slippery slide that dd1 was trying to slide down - his little posse were in the process of climbing up ( onto a toddler fort) to approach dd1 from behind and once I told him that it really wasn't appropriate to be trying to ride up a toddler slide - then they all backed off. No comment about dd1's sn - just that that wasn't the right thing to be doing.