Do you ever feel judged by other people, esp. the school playground?

[Blossomhill]

I do.

I don't know if I am paranoid but when I go into the playground I feel like everyone looks at me (apart from my friends). As is they are talking about dd and her behaviour.

I hate it and am so glad that I very rarely go in there as usually I am picking up ds.

Horrible feeling :(

I agree about 3, DS1 is now 3.9 and I think it has just become noticeable. I let him run wild in supermarkets and spend my time chasing after him because he loves running around in shops and to be frank I am so happy that he can actually walk at last that I am not going to stop him practising wherever and whenever he wants to. I do sometimes get stares and occasionally tuts (DS1 is a very normal looking child so they probably think he is just naughty and I am a crap parent) but to be frank I couldn't give a damn. Well I do feel hurt but I think DS1 should be allowed to express himself after being immobile for so long and he doesn't do any harm except sit down in front of people's trolleys from time to time and play with the wheels.

I have noticed that the majority of people however are very kind and just say "ah" and "don't worry" when I apologise for him getting in the way.

I hope me saying "normal looking" didn't offend anyone and sorry if it did. I just meant his disability isn't obvious (but clearly it is getting more so as his behaviour is that of a much younget child).

I don't have this in the school playground with DS anymore as he's at special school...... and my crocodile skin is fully grown! But the reality is that we just don't go to many public or m/s places with him. Its too much hard work, emotionally stressful and he is much happier somewhere with people who WANT to be with him and will give him any attention he wants or leave him alone
Mind you, I've found the other mums at DD's nursery rather unfriendly. I've discovered that, unless you meet people at work or somewhere, they are generally reserved and unfriendly. I also think that parents of children with disability or SN are MUCH friendlier. THere's a coffee morning at DD's nursery next week. I put it in my diary and then thought "f+~k that! I don't care if I see those mums and DD won't be there after this term, I'll have a free morning, wahey!". I just don't fit in with them, they take one look at fat old puffing me and move on! They're all Primrose Hill yummy mummys. Mind you, I reckon some of them look like they could do with some advice on how to manage their NT children, they all seem to be at their beck and call! Having DS to deal with first means that DD is very well "managed"!!

wonders what happened that she already has crocdilian skin ....

I now meet their stares with one of my own. Had a classic yesterday - dd1 was getting annoyed at sitting still - she had already finished her drink and biscuit and dh and I were taking some time over our coffees - don't usually get to do it very often. Dd1 was sitting on the floor beside me and was doing the odd shout - every so often... well this man nearly broke his neck trying to see where the shout was coming from ... kept staring at me with the foulest look on his face..... so I just stared back and then raised one eyebrow at him. He blused and turned away. dd1 was being especially moany and I was tempted to almost dump her at his table....

But I do know how you feel - I sometimes feel like that when we are at a playground and people do the double take and then stare at dd1 and it gets to me sometimes. I just focus on dd1 and dd2 and forget the rest.

Yesterday was beautiful ( we have been away for a long weekend) and the girls were playing in this park... dd1 had climbed up into this fort/slide combo and was playing so lovely with this little lad - he just loved playing with her. When he left the slide and ran off to play somewhere else - he kept coming back to get dd1 to come with him and to climb etc... made me well up... made up for grumpy old fart!!

"fat old puffing me" what are you talking about Davros? Mind you the thought of Primrose Hill mummies makes my skin crawl.

The thing I find when we do go to mainstream places is that still people do not spot the SN- strange noises, huge meltdowns, parents holding a 7 year old's hand at all times (surely that's odd?) and people don't clock it.

Funny what you said about NT parents being unfriendlier. I've just started going to a group with ds3- not one person has spoken to me yet (and I've done the smiling etc). Any SN group I've been to everyone yatters to everyone else. ds2 is about to start school, so will compare. Parents at ds1's school are all very friendly, although there's obviously no school gates stuff.

I've perefected the art of staring right back eidsvold as well!

crocodile skin pah! i have upgraded to teflon shoulders we have had a few stares over the years, in fact we had a few the other week in tescos when Abbey wanted to buy dog food, an all on autie wail and flail took place, lots of foot stompin' screaming "i want this one" lots of audience participation of the tutting kind, wouldn't mind but we haven't even got a bloody dog what i find the hardest is when kids stare and i am not talking preschool kids but kids the same age as my lot, one boy the other week has probably got a dislocated neck from staring as he went past he swiveled his neck round to stare a bit longer and walked into a lamp post!

I've told this story before but will again.

At his last school, I turned up one day and even my best friend was avoiding me. Wasn't quite sure what was going on, so was really confused. Sam had clobbered another kid the day before so i assumed was just that but I was surprised (sam has a knack of singling out the poor kids he can get away with bullying- mean but Psychologically fairly usual I think). Anyway, walked home alone and friend took me aside. The parents had gottten up a petition asking for Sam to kicked out. Not one person had chatted to me, they didn't know that he was undergoing evaluation or anything, just that he was, apparently, weird- friend had chosen not to enlighten them (but I can understand this, as she didn't want to exaccerbate the SN factor as her dd had dyspraxia).

I turned up at school next afternoon barely holding back tears, and asked teacher in front of everyone what was going on. She was stunned. Not surprisingly, the gutless B*$tards had been all mouth, no-one had the guts to actually do one.

Not long after we had the chance to go to Uni a year early and I grabbed it.

I do still get it though- loads of parents at school stand aside from me. partly it's a not born here thing, but I know Sam is a factor- kids who come to visit DS2 never come back if Sam is around, and the most popular Mum told her DS (also poular) to avoid playing with sam as he had issue (can't remeber terminolgy Sam reported back to me- freak, not right, something like that).

We were saying yesterday, Dh and I, that if we won the lottery we'd HE Sam like a shot

Actually, have just realised the only reason I haven't had a number 4 baby is that I can't bare the oh look at her stares. I knowwe can cope and would dearly dearly love another too.

OMG peachyclair that is bloody awful, how dare these parents start up a petition against a 6 year old child, I'm truly shocked

people have no imagination, that is terrible Peachyclair.

Am absolutely infuriated at this Peachy - what a bunch of cowards. There are so many people like this though. Well done for standing up to them!

I have had this for years at DDs school. I'm not sure if it's them or me because at times I have felt so awkward when I've just heard DDs grabbed someone round the throat. I've been feeling that they must think I'm a dreadful Mum when maybe they haven't. Maybe they have been thinking I've got a lot to put up with. Anyway they have all chatted and made social arrangements and I've only got a few hellos from the minority.

Anyway, we've just moved house and schools. DD has progressed quite a lot but we're not out of the woods with her behaviour by any stretch. The problem I have now is I don't no a single soul. I can't be friendly to any of the girls in her class's Mums cos I don't know who they are. DD is always last coming out as she takes so long to get herself sorted, so everyone else is long gone.

Peachyclair, sorry if I am being dense, but why are you afraid of peoples stares if you have another baby?

coz they think Sam is naughty, not AS. e3ven the ed psych appointment turned out to really be a parenting class sales chap

(real ed Psych tomorrow, at school, but too busy to talk to us for a week)

Its funny about being a "foreigner" because I feel one reason I don't fit in sometimes is because I'm not iyswim!! In London almost every other person is from somewhere else (fine, no prob with that) but some of these stuck up cows who have moved here don't know how to take a Londoner TBH, I look at them (the yummy mummies at DD's nursery) and they're all miserable, tired etc. They could do with looking after an SN child for a day, soon stop them moaning! It always takes just one friendly, outgoing person to make a difference, that's often me, but I can't be arsed this time around as DD is changing schools in Sept. I suppose that what happens with NT children is they make their own friends and then you get to know the parents, not the other way round like I'm used to! (fat, puff, fat, puff!).

ha ha Davros :o