Getting myself so worried about DS1.

[blueteddy]

I hope it is okay to post in the special needs section. My DS1 hasn't been officially labelled with anything yet, but I feel it is only a matter of time.
There have been concerns about DS since nursery days & he has had an IEP from the age of 3.5. He has problems mixing, has several nervous tics, doesn't always seem to grasp what you are saying to him, is very lathargic and has motor & organisation difficulties. School also seem concerned that he has trouble showing his emotions.
He seemed to improve just before leaving nursery & I fooled myself that maybe everything was now going to be okay, but as soon as he started school I was alerted to the fact he wasn't mixing, was lying around in the classroom, would not choose an activity etc.
H & myself were having a very bad time last year and I put a lot of his difficulties down to that - especially as he appeared to make great improvements at the end of the reception year, but a year on & the problems are still there.
He had someone from the social & interaction services in to observe him recently, but nothing much has come of it, as he was having quite a good day.
I know the SENCO at school is thinking down the AS road & I find it all really upsetting.
I have fought against him being labelled for years, but can now see for myself that he is not like the other children. His fine motor skills are very poor & his handwriting is appaulling, he still has trouble with things like getting dressed & putting his coat on, cannot organise himself at all & although his mixing has got better, there are days where you see him walking around the playground alone, or playing in the dirt with no friends around him.
I have had moments of blaming myself as a parent, thinking it all may be due to me not stimulating him enough - but comparring him to DS2 (3) I can see there is something very different about him.
I am so worried about how he will cope with the challanges of year 2 & SATS next year.
I always get myself so upset about him.
I want to know the best way I can help him.

Excellent, Bink! What a little star!
School plays are always tough aren't they, dino? My DS will never be chosen for a part in a play & even when he is with his class singing, he will turn his back on me as he cannot stand all the people watching him.

Handwriting - it's improved a lot. We used to get really emphatic gloom from teachers about the dreadfulness of his grip etc (a bit over the top it was, but I think it was their way of trying to start a discussion about there being other problems).

My way of working with ds (and I do realise this wouldn't be everyone's way) is quite laborious - if there is something he can't do we work on it, treat it like a Project, with lots and lots of practice - like the scootering, eg. We did similar with handwriting - I think much of it is about pure strength, and the nerve/muscle links - from babyhood ds had a very odd loose-but-tense way of holding my hand, which just felt peculiar and wrong, and I think something about his hands was developmentally off. We've got him playing the piano now, and I think that's really good for the development (and lots of things follow from that).

Blueteddy, don't worry - I realised what had happened!

Hi blueteddy

If outside agencies are involved with your son, then that would put him in the school action plus stage (school action plus external support). If there are no external agencies then it's school action. I would agree with jimjams that with your son's problems, a referral to a paediatrician would be the way to go, rather than an ed psych. I would see your GP. Statements are hard to get, but a medical diagnosis can ease the process considerably.
I don't have a child with SN (that I'm aware of) but I was a SEN teacher in a mainstream secondary school. I would be wary about even a putative diagnosis from a SENCO, even an experienced one. My job was to identify that there were special needs (in partnership with parents) and support the children in their learning. I am not a clinician, and although I might recognise certain traits from my experience with children, I am not in any position to offer a diagnosis, especially in these areas which can be very difficult. I hope you get the support you need.

Bike riding is one of the activities ds avoids given the choice. He can manage with stabilisers and now a little without but too much to think about at once so he soon wobbles and can't self correct. Then he gets cross and gives up easily. He could never pedal his trike properly.

Thanks, beckybrastraps. I think I will make a GP appointment regarding DS. I will speak to my husband about it tonight.
Sounds like your DS is doing really well, Bink! My DS has a triangular grip pencil to help him in class & I know his TA does a lot of extra work with him to try & improve his writing. It has improved over the year, but is still way behind what a lot of his peers are producing. He finds the cursive script very tricky.
Very relieved you realised what had happened there, dino. I was panicking a bit there - hence the email!!

LIZS, my DS could never pedal a trike properly either!

It was only when dd could do so unprompted and naturally that we realised how lacking ds had been in certain areas. It is so hard with a first child as you have no comparison.

Just catching up with this thread - good luck with seeing the GP Blueteddy - it will help you get things sorted out in the end. My Ds2 has a lot of dyspraxic traits and also autistic ones but no diagnosis, but I always say that he is too disorganised to have a routine!

Thanks, saker. I guess it's time I took the plunge. Feel a bit wobbly about going in & admitting that DS has a problem, but I know something is not right & I want to know how best to help him. Nothing will be gained from me burying my head in the sand!

Told H tonight that I think I should talk to my GP about DS1. He asked why & I told him that I thought he needed to be looked at by a pead, as I was very worried about him & had seen a lot of things on the dyspraxia website that described DS1. I listed some to him & he was quite alarmed. (he has always told not to worry & that there was nothing wrong with him) I think he now agrees that maybe it is not a bad thing to go along to my GP & ask for a referral.

Blueteddy - I think you're doing the right thing in looking for a proper assessment from a paediatrician - at least then you will be looking at suggested help and solutions, rather than an unknown, undiagnosed problem. It must be tough, though.
Pity you can't get your dad assessed for his position on the 'lack of tact and support' spectrum!!

Glad that your H agrees, though - perhaps he can help fend off your Mum and Dad.

My parents are a nightmare, Blu! My Dad is very anti any medical conditions, he even snubbed my depression! He told me that in his day there was no AS etc - it was just called being different! I am sure he is right, there was little known about a lot of conditions in his day - but he will not move with the times at all, nor will my Mum (who just tells me DS is like me as a child & that she wished it on me!), so yes I think they are somewhere on the lack of tact & support syndrome spectrum!

Glad H was okay about me suggesting seeing the GP though, as I was very worried about how he would react.