if your child has autism what were they like when they were 2 to 3 years

[ChazDingle]

won't go into too much detail but DS has been identified as possibly having some signs of autism. I had some very slight concerns before but i'm not too sure and to me he doesn't seem that bad that he would seem that different to children of the same age. There are probably two things that he does that are more unusual and the other things i think aren't unusual for a toddler of his age- such as not yet potty trained, not always responding to name etc. The more unusual things he does is being very good with numbers and humming (although he does this much less now than he used to), oh and he also likes routine.

[colditz]

As a newborn, he didn't smile until about eight weeks old. He was a very routine baby, not driven by me.

[MerryCouthyMows]

Signs I noticed in DS3 as a baby (it's why he's going through ADOS at 27mo) :

In his baby bouncer, repeatedly waving his leg to bounce the bouncer, screaming when I got him out, but doing it whilst almost in a 'trance', hard to explain if it isn't seen.

No eye contact. Fascinated by lights and fans. Fascinated by spinning cot mobile, but would never sleep in cot.

No interest in peekaboo.

Passive. No interaction. Insisting on a bf if you tried to interact with him.

Flapping hands. As soon as he could move them, he flapped.

Spinning - as soon as his hands worked enough, he would spin toy car wheels. As soon as he could crawl, when out, he would climb out if the pram and crawl at top speed before he could walk, to get at bike wheels. When at HV clinic, he would sit at other DC's buggy wheels, and spin them until picked up.

There is more, will have to post that later as I'm fighting a post-ictal bsiu sleep thing right now.

[colditz]

Seemed not to feel pain. He once had tonsillitis that I didn't notice until he vomited, and I had a look in his mouth spot see where the smell was still coming from. I didn't notice because he didn't fuss. He never fussed. Ever. He was the most passive, accepting baby. He didn't do separation anxiety, or attachment to people, or upset about favourite toys, or irrational fears, or wanting things in shops, or objecting to anything like being wet or dirty, or actually cold, hot, bored, thirsty, hungry.....

It sounds easy, doesn't it? But actually it was so stressful. The midwife PROMISED me that babies definitely cry when they want something. But he didn't. Many times I found him with a dirty bum in the morning, because he hadn't cried when he soiled and had just gone back to sleep. He could get really quite ill without me realising, because he hardly had any behavior to show a change in. His speech was delayed, and I'm sure it's because he didn't want to tell me anything. His first proper sentence was about friction, this was before he ever said the word "Mummy" and he was about 3.9 years

[moosemama]

Same here colditz. Ds1 never once cried for a feed or a nappy change or attention or because he'd dropped something and couldn't reach it. He didn't grizzle or cry when he was ill or had hurt himself, in fact he didn't really cry at all until much later and then usually only out of frustration.

I thought I was doing so well with a regular feeding and nappy changing schedule and he didn't cry because he was so content.

His first word was vac-ni-ni, which was vacuum cleaner - quickly followed by wot-ni-ni - washing machine, then dor-dor - telephone and dor-dor-dor - stereo. He persisted with using those even when he could hold a full and complex conversation with people. I don't think he said Mummy until he was nearly two, possibly older, despite speaking in sentences well before 12 months.

He got severe strep throat, followed by scarlett fever when he was 4 and we didn't have a clue until he collapsed. It was so bad that it took months and several rounds of antibiotics to clear and he dropped off all the weight/centile charts.

I panicked when dd (now 4) started saying sentences at 10 months, but she is so different and did it in a different way. Daddy was her first word, Mummy came next (I am still a second class citizen compared to Daddy ) and her speech was all about getting attention and interacting. She has always been really talkative and mega-demanding and is soooo nt.

Another thing I've remembered is that he would watch programmes with actions to do on CBeebies eg Boogie Beebies, but just sit there and watch, never once attempting to join in. Dd started joining in as soon as she was mobile - she felt the urge to interact, he never did.

[MerryCouthyMows]

DS2 was like that too. Until he was 6yo tbh. Then he started having spectacular meltdowns.

[JustPondering]

DS3 is 22 months old at the minute and is being assessed for autism, he likes to be alone, won't play with anyone, won't comply with any activities, hates anyone speaking to him, plays with cars and only cars. He likes to stare at and study cars, lines them up. He flaps his hands and walks on his toes intermittently.He also likes to flap paper and card in front of his face.

He is speech delayed, has 5 words,not sure how delayed that is. He could say Mummy at 8 months but stopped and then no more words till 15 months, his words are only
levels like car and toe truck. He can 't understand very much, just a few everyday phrases like time for bed, dinner time etc. If he wants something he leads be by the hand to what he wants with no eye contact.

He is happy to sit in his cot alone for ages. He likes to be tickled and swung around.

DS1 and 2 on the other hand are waiting on aspergers and high functioning autism diagnoses, they were both sociable and engaged, DS1 had very advanced speech and was difficult and it was hard to hold his attention, I thought he had ADHD but he doesn't. DS2 had speech delay and a speech disorder and still does. At age 3 DS 2 started to smear traces around his room but that thankfully passed, he also did a lot of spinning, himself and objects. DS 1 and 2 both had great eye contact and DS 2 still does.

[JustPondering]

Bloody autocorrect, hope you get the gist of what I was trying to say!

[alwayslateforwork]

Chaz, I know I replied on the other thread re the misdiagnosis and dual diagnosis of gifted kids book - but he could still be gifted AND have asd traits.

There is no law that forbids co-morbidity.

Every child is different. Some are gifted, some have asd. Some are gifted with asd.

Two is tricky.

[ChazDingle]

hi, thanks all again for the comments it really has been useful. think its just a matter of watching and waiting at least till the next half term. I noticed that some of the things picked up he does at preschool that they mentioned to me he used to do at home but doesn't do so much so maybe thats a sign he is growing out of things eg, He monotone hums alot there which he has done since a few weeks old at home but doesn't really do now unless he's tired. Also i was told he doesn't play with other kids at preschool but i've noticed when i've taken him to park he will talk to other kids and play chase with them so thats a positive sign. My gut feeling at the moment after thinking about things since last week is that there probably isn't anything wrong with him and that he'll grow out of these 'signs' but on the other side of the coin i don't want to be in denial! He is only 2.9 years and i think theres been a couple of 'main signs' that have been picked up on and then other things that are signs have also been commmented on when most kids of the same age are around the same level and its not commented on. Eg. At the groups we go to i rarely see 2.9 year old properly playing with each other. Hope this last part makes sense- i know what i mean but no sure if you will!

[Bink]

Chaz, I responded on your other thread, but this is such an interesting one I thought I'd join in here too.

Yes it will ultimately be a wait & see game for you, but from my experience (ds now nearly 14) looking back I wish I had intervened more around the aspects where I think I could have made a difference. So perhaps (in certain areas) you might want to NOT wait & see, if you see what I mean?

As to ds, as a 2-3 yo he was another of the 'now you see it, now you don't' strangely easy toddlers - which I now realise was not-normal passivity: he didn't have the functioning instinct that makes toddlers try to use initiative, over what to wear, what to eat, how to do things by themselves - all sorts of independence-testing, etc. I was very happy to go with ds's apparent go-with-the-flow easiness and did not at all try to get him to develop initiative.

Other children that have turned out to be autistic have other kinds of instinct gaps - lack of copying is quite a common one - which are in some ways easier to pick up on than the rather hard-to-pinpoint "something is wrong with the social instinct" feeling that we all get/got with our babies/toddlers.

So I suggest that you have a careful look at how your ds is in the world and see if you can pick up on 'gaps' in his functioning, like the above. (Another of ds's was lack of pleasure in running about - he is dyspraxic, and again instead of being all complacent about this convenient settled child, I really really should have been finding out what motor skills he did enjoy and actively encouraging those.)

What we did with ds when he was little was play to his strengths - all the fascination with numbers, information, etc. etc. - and I think that did him a disservice - we'd have done far better to work out what he was avoiding, and build him up in those areas. We should have made it normal for him to have playdates three times a week - for instance.

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

Chaz,my thanks for this thread. Reposted on GT as well to get feedback from parents there on your other thread

Very similar position to you and awaiting possible Dx of 2.3 yo DS who doesn't quite fit PDD or ASD or AS but is under investigation for them. 2.5 hour filmed session with educ. Psych. on Monday, we have filled in loads of questionnaires, seen developmental paed and now waiting for results and recommended interventions.

Thing is, DS just doesnt fit the triad of impairments for PDD/ ASD. He can cope with routine changes. But loves routine. Toddlers do though, right?

He does do facial expressions and recognize them in others. He jokes, laughs, is silly for fun. But also does weird fake laugh thing.

Wide, not narrow range of interests, no stimming, good fine and gross motor skills, no sensory issues, eating issues, no health problems...but play is VERY self contained and can be highly focused for long stretches on whatever he is into, and he is socially absolutely not interested in other children and very shy with strangers. If he doesn't want to play a game or look at a toy, he wont.
He is an only child. On play dates he ignores the other DC and parent.

It's all social concerns. No natural smiling up at friendly faces, sharing and showing, no automatic collaborative reciprocal gaze, had to be shown how to point, wave, often chooses not to respond to name, ignores well-meant adlt or child social overtures etc.

But can be happily social with parents and trusted adults on his own terms. Treats play like fascinating work and gets annoyed if interrupted from concentrating. Cannot get enough of books. Wants to learn, learn, learn. Was terrible as a baby, wouldn't sleep, reflux, woke every two hours round the clock,screamed with frustration. Once he could communicate and run about he became so much happier. But he is not like his peers, won't play with his peers or even look at them or play near them, he stands out as the odd one out at playgroup, rhyme time, the park...he is off on one, not interested in anything other than what he is into. Runs off, doesn't look back.

Very very fast to learn anything he is interested in, blanks anything he cant see the point of, astonishingly good memory for routes, stories - will fill in missing words of a story if i pause - without looking at book, after hearing it read only 2-3 times, and can still do so a week later. He can recognize words in a book and read them, can say numbers up to 50 if shown them, rote-counts to ten and back again, counts up to six objects on a plate and can recognize if one or more removed and give new total, knows colours, shapes, various dinosaurs and all the trucks, started to talk in 2 word sentences at 2, now at 2.3 uses tenses, pronouns, plurals, dozens of verbs and adjectives. Yet language is BOTH functional and echolalic - sometimes he seems very ASD, running scripts, other times he is chattering on like a normal very verbal toddler, giving me a commentary on what he is doing, making conversation.

So I dunno. I just do not know. I mean, he's only 2. But all indications are early ASD intervention can have huge benefits. He is meant to start pre school in September and at the moment I think he will HATE it. I need to help him cope. We manage fine with me devoting my waking hours to looking after him but how will he cope with the real world?

Sorry epic post. Thread is fascinating,concerning and uplifting all at once.

[ChazDingle]

thanks for the comments. Out of interest trucksanddinosars how did you get to have your DS assessed did you go to GP or HV? The trouble with DS is that he doesn't really stand out from other kids (well i suppose that is good rather than a problem!) so i'm not sure anyone would take me seriously. it is just little things that you pick up on when you spend more time with him, i was quite suprised the preschool picked things up tbh.

DS is good with numbers, he can count to over 300 and also recognises the numbers written down, he also knows all the upper and lower case letter names and phonic sounds. He can't read but he recognises quite a few words by sight and can spell out some words. His memory for things in just amazing. We never spent alot of time teaching him he just seemed to pick things up and some things somehow he just knew if that makes sense.

But ask him to do something practical like taking off his vest and its another story, "its just too difficult".

He isn't obsessed with routine as such but there are certain little things that he likes to do in a certain and will have a melt down if he can't. Because they are only minor things we've gone along with them for an easy life, its not things that really matter or take up alot of time, things like looking at a label in his clothes before i dress him.

Thats an interesting comment Blink made about playing too much to a childs strengths. I was thinking that the other day becuase DS is so into his numbers and letters we seem to have acquired over time quite a lot of number/ letter toys and all his jigsaws are numbers/ letters based. I think he just need more toys that he just plays with. When they are so into something that is educational i suppose you just get carried away and don't want to dampen their enthusiasm

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

It's all private here (abroad) so we paid.
Re playing to dc weakness not strengths, that's what the psych said. So many parents delighted by early numbers, words etc that just do that all the time and ignore/ don't pick up on lack of social cues or motor skills etc. She said best to encourage weaker areas; they will talk/read/count/name dinosaurs etc without encouragement if they are that way inclined!

[sm566]

My son has just turned 3, we got an official diagnosis in February.

He's almost completely non - verbal, just grabs us or screams when he wants something. He's prone to meltdowns now and again although the biggest barrier to everything is his lack of communication. It's almost as if he has no interest in trying to learn, we're hoping once he finds a reason to communicate he will.

The hardest part for me as his father is I don't feel much like a father at times, more like a carer, I'm absolutely petrified of the future truth be told!

[gatorgolf]

Op here with name change, so here we are nearly 3 years later, i changed ds to another nursery where he got on great, he had a few behaviour issues when he started reception but seemed to have settled well by end of year. Now Senco in year one has brought up asd, they didn't say straight out but I knew the way the chat was going and they weren't aware of ds history. So we're waiting for assessment now. Still not sure which way things will go. He's ok most of the time at home but maybe that's because we are used to him and do things in a way that don't set him off, the issues are at mainly at school. One of the main things is that he can't seem to cope if he doesn't think things arent fair. For example another boy got given the class bear and ds went mad because he said the boy had had two warnings for behaviour that day. He's not had the bloody bear yet which doesn't help plus the fact he has a photographic memory so will remember every little warning others get.

I'm still not sure, part of me thinks that ds is just imature on the social and emotional side and that he'll catch up but other times I'm not so sure. He's well above average academically despite being one of the younger boys in the year.

Something that does concern me and I'm not sure if it should or not is that I think the Senco and teacher believe ds does have asd and I get the impression they are making certain allowances for him, without going into the specifics as it would identify me, and for some of these things I think they should be expecting the same as the other children

[Harmos]

Hi, How is your DS, some 4 years after?

[BGD2012]

Son is high functioning and almost a teen. He never crawled and was slow to walk, his speech was advanced. Slower than his peers to ride a bike, quite rigid in his play and could get obsessive over certain toys. A really poor attention span and he was later diagnosed with attention deficit.

[BGD2012]

Sorry only just realised this thread was started years ago.

[BatleyTownswomensGuild]

Very little spoken language and poor receptive language

Didn't point, not much shared attention

Lots of tantrums and crying

Very much in his own world and obsessive...

He's 6 now - he's come on massively and is a huge amount of fun. Try not to despair. They can make a lot of progress....

[Twotoesmo]

I'm following. Dd (14) currently being assessed.

[BlankTimes]

@Twotoesmo

It's always best to check the dates on a thread you are replying to.

Most of this thread was written in 2013
One update by OP was written in 2016

You would be much better off starting a new thread of your own

[TheYearOfSmallThings]

Harmos I see on another thread that the OP's DS was diagnosed with autism at 6 years old.

Always useful to know the outcome of threads like this.

[Morph2lcfc]

@Harmos

Hi, How is your DS, some 4 years after?

Sorry i only just saw your comment as I changed account. I’m Original poster. Ds was diagnosed age 6. We had an awful time in mainstream school from year one onwards. Ds couldn’t cope at all and was having meltdowns to the point he was being excluded. We eventually got transfer to an autism unit in year 4. He’s just moved to an autism school for secondary, it’s for kids with asd that are academically at mainstream level and is getting on well so far and it suits him. Differences in the social side are definitely more obvious as he got older. Our mainstream years were absolute hell. Life can still be hard at times as we can’t do stuff that other families can be in other ways we are lucky