if your child has autism what were they like when they were 2 to 3 years

[ChazDingle]

won't go into too much detail but DS has been identified as possibly having some signs of autism. I had some very slight concerns before but i'm not too sure and to me he doesn't seem that bad that he would seem that different to children of the same age. There are probably two things that he does that are more unusual and the other things i think aren't unusual for a toddler of his age- such as not yet potty trained, not always responding to name etc. The more unusual things he does is being very good with numbers and humming (although he does this much less now than he used to), oh and he also likes routine.

chubbymomie, yes, lots of periods of feeling sad, and confused, and angry. But also good days, and celebrations when milestones are reached (like when DS finally started calling me 'Mummy' a few months ago). Understanding more about ASD has helped, as has DS slowly changing and starting to talk and interact more.

At 2-3 DS was very active, always moving, his attention flitting from one thing to another. He just did what he wanted, not keen on following adult instructions etc. He only had a handful of words, and his rate of language acquisition was very slow. Things got better when we started with It Takes Two to Talk, but he still has a speech delay (he is almost 5 now). In fact, he is now at the level of a 2 and a half year old, in many ways, not just speech.

He didn't play with other children, and never mentioned any of the the other children at his pre-school, nor any any of the adults there either.

Both DH and I were really concerned, as he just didn't seem to connect with us. We played the same simple peek-a-boo games with him that we had when he was a baby: he just didn't seem to move on from them. It was at about 2 and half that we asked for a referral to SALT, and then to see a paediatrician. With all the waiting for appointments etc, diagnosis happened about a year later.

As for potty training, he sort of did wees himself, on his own terms (he stood in the toilet for a while to wee), but still wears a nappy to poo.

My eldest wasn't talking, just making constant screeching sounds. He would spend his day climbing stuff and jumping off. Just over and over and over again. He wouldn't wear clothes, just spent most of his time in his nappy. He'd empty the drinks fridge and line up the contents on the table, then move them into a line in the garden and just stare at them. He would play with his poo and he was very violent. Headbutting, biting, kicking, etc. He didn't want to interact with us and had no eye contact. No pointing or anything. On the rare occasions he needed us for something he would grab our hands and try to throw them to the item we needed. We were tools and nothing more. I never felt needed, wanted or loved by him. His stims were aggressive - flapping in front of his face and hitting his face, for example. He had terrifying meltdowns. You couldn't reach him at all. He didn't talk until he was 7 (and then only at toddler level for many years. ), wasn't out of nappies until 6. He didn't appear to feel pain.

My youngest was very passive, no aggression at all. He had eye contact and was very giggly and interactive but he later lost his eye contact completely. He loved attention. He could talk but didn't communicate - he was exclusively echolalic for many years. He's 12 now and still is far more echolalic than communicative. He has always stimmed a lot. He has turned out to be the more severely affected of the two! My eldest now talks and is a very calm person (mostly! He can blow though, and when he does - you get hurt!) whereas my youngest is very challenging indeed. He really doesn't give a shit about anything. He's always had massive sensory issues. It can take him 20 minutes to put on a pair of socks! Inside out and perfectly lined seams! Labels always a massive problem. Overreaction to pain - even claiming it hurts when his hair or nails are cut!

They're both lovely, kind, loving people. They are unrecognisable from their toddler selves and not at all who we were told they would grow up to be! When my eldest was a toddler, the experts painted a VERY bleak picture of his future! He's now going to be 14 in a few months and he is likely to get some GCSEs in a couple of years! They're both at mainstream with full time 1:1 and people who only know them now but didn't know them then just don't believe me when I describe how they used to be. I get the video out!

hi all, just wanted to say thanks for all the replies was suprised to see so many!
In a bit of a rush now but i will come back and make some proper comments later.
Alot of the things written could be about DS but then some things not.
I had slight concerns over DS but i thought if i go to the docs or HV they would think i'm mad so not sure if i'm glad or not that someone else has noticed something.

Other children would sing 'head, shoulders, knees and toes', my son would sing 'septum, tregus, calf, femur' :o

DS clearly had 'issues' at that age and I remember the Health Visitor describing him as "manipulative" in his red book. He had advanced speech, but would correct any adult who didn't call things by the correct name eg: a friend once pointed to a picture in a book and said "tractor", DS immediately corrected her as it was a combine harvester!
He was toilet trained in the day just before his 3rd birthday, but it was my choice to leave it until then as his sister had just started school, so it gave me more time to focus on him.
At nursery, he was fine in the small group of 6 he was in, but as the groups joined together at snack time his behaviour became disruptive.
But he never lined things up, had to cope with sudden changes in routine and slept well at night (thank goodness) - but nevertheless the red flags were all there. He was DX with HF ASD at age 6 and statemented with 25 hrs 1:1 shortly afterwards.
Has always been in MS school (clinging on by the skin of his teeth at times)and is about to sit 10 GCSE's and predicted to get good grades (having already passed Maths a year early) .
His behaviour is still a big issue though, as he just doesn't 'get' the effect his actions have on others.

2 to 3 was a lovely age with DS and I too was a smug mum with a happy wells behaved child,my only concern was a little with his speech as he spoke to get his needs met but didn't really initiate conversation just answered when spoken to.
3 and a half he started dropping words, making odd vocal noises and started repetitive door opening and closing/flapping curtains ect,about the same time he also didn't seem to notice other people around him unless it was immediate family.
He's 8 now and still doesn't really talk away from home and has limited learned phrases he uses at home and at school.
From being 2 weeks old he has slept through the night,and looking back that's probably been as he's never enjoyed food or baby milk so didn't wake for any (he was fed lots during the day :) ).
He was never an anxious child and change never bothered him he just went with the flow of things but now he's very rigid and must have any tiny changes explained to him constantly.
I found the age of 7 quite hard with him as he just seemed argumentative and grumpy a lot but now he's 8 he seems to have become a bit more independent and he loves praise so we seem be be turning some kind of corner and he's becoming a pleasure to be around again.

When dd was 2 I was one of those smug parents too!! Dd seemed to be well beyond her peers, she was great company like a little adult. We had long conversations, she would walk for miles as she hated being strapped into a buggy. she was potty trained at 2 1/2. But when I took her to playgroups the differences we all too obvious she did interact with other children but they used to act out shows in the way they were told to by dd! She wasnt interested in them if they wouldnt play by her rules so she used to sit and do puzzles. I just thought she was advanced for her age. As she has got older I have also realised that the signs were there, aways had to go the same way to town and cross the road at the same point or she would meltdown. I went to see the hv who dismissed us and told us she was fine. School have also said shes fine, but there is something in me saying this is not fine. we are going through assesment now and shes 6. Had salt ass and she picked up on things that no one ever has before, shes met my dd twice and what she picked up I was amaized at. So im hoping its enough evidence. Anyway what im trying to say is if you feel things arw not right keep going until some one listens.

I am mostly relaxed because I feel eased to have all the kids and I'm lucky to be in a position where I'm taking a career break to work with DS. I just have bad days like today were I am consumed with worry for him. For example the whole regression thing terrifies me. My wee boy is living affectionate and friendly I don't want him to loose that.

I may be wrong but not all autistic children regress do they?? Please tell me if thats not correct. My dd doent have a dx yet, but she didnt regress. Shes in line with her peers educationaly at school but is a little slower to put her ideas onto paper. We have good days and bad days but have a clear routine now which does help alot. What does get to me is when I listen to mothers in the playground talking bout what thier children can do. My dd is educationaly at the same level but not socialy. She has a party to go to this weekend, has said she wants to go but weather we get there or not remains to be seen. But at least shes had an invite

DS has asd and DD possible aspergers, although not diagnosed. Neither of them had any separation anxiety whatsoever. Just used to go off and play by themselves at toddler groups. I was smug about it at the time!

DS laguage was poor, didn't respond to his name and he watched the same film over and over again

Polter goose, this is what I have found with dd. Its masked alot as her speech is ahead for her age but her understanding isnt as good as it should be for her age. The salt picked this up. Shes very good at going along with things and just following what others are doing at School. Which is why school dont see a problem. Shes is affectionate toward me and has good eye contact with me. It took her 4 years to get this relationship with her dad even though we have always been together living in the same house, she doesnt like people she doesnt know that well, shes even unsure of grandparents sometimes. Even though mil works in a ss she cant understand this.

My dd has quite severe autism. At 2 or 3 the main signs-

no response to name
did not communicate or ask for food
no language
stimmed all day
could not play with any toys
could not sit down for more than about half a minute
no self help skills

I'd forgotten that devilinside, ds never once batted an eyelid if someone picked him up and took him away from me. I remember thinking he didn't love me or wasn't securely attached because I'd see all my friends dcs and nieces and nephews kicking up a proper stink if they had to be left or were passed around for cuddles. Ds2 was shy, quite clingy and preferred not to talk to people he didn't know well, but dd went through the whole screaming the place down every time I went out of sight for a millisecond thing. It was a huge shock to my system. I thought I'd done something horribly wrong, until the HV pointed out that it's a normal developmental stage.

Ds1 is still not at all shy and will talk to anyone - even if they are a complete stranger. He is too trusting, despite knowing all about stranger danger, he can't generalise it to actually mean the people he comes into contact with. In fact it's included in his statement, because it make him very vulnerable. He went for a blood test the other day. Walked in, sat down and started telling the phlebotomist all about Nintendo and that he's getting a 3DS for his birthday. Poor woman looked totally as he didn't even say hello before he launched into it. He would do the same with anyone he meets, on the street, in a cafe, walking along a corridor etc.

Re regression, ds didn't regress in the generally accepted way or at the typical stage, but when he hit junior school it appeared as if he'd had a massive regression. What was really happening was him no longer being able to mask and cope with the demands on him, so he shut down instead. I'm not sure I'd call it a regression, but there are still quite a few things that he's never properly caught up with ever since.

I was talking to dh the other day and we decided that, as Polter said, he has disordered development. Some people will say you should expect a child with Aspergers to be X number of years delayed, but for ds it's much more spiky than that. Academically he is ahead of a lot of his peers and in fact we've just been told he should be way ahead of most of them based on his capability/potential. Verbally and intellectually he is advanced, but his communication skills are poor and hard to assess, as his verbal skills and vocab mask his lack of understanding.

Physically he is now lagging behind his 8 year old brother and I'd probably put him at around 6/7 (he's 11 in 3 week's time). Socially, it very much depends on the situation, but he is basically stalled at the pre-junior school stage, so 7 in some situations, younger in others. Emotionally, we realised recently that he is actually on a par with - or even slightly behind dd, who is just 4. His reactions to situations are very like hers, instant, OTT and reactionary with no time for thinking things through. In fact, they are so similar in terms of emotional development that it often causes fireworks.

DS 11 with Aspergers diagnosis at 5. At the age of 2 and 3 he was like two sides of a coin. If he was playing at home on his own terms and following the daily routine he was happy and delightful to be with. However if we tried to take him out anywhere he would kick, bite, scream and shout and hate any activity such as Mother and Toddlers or playgroup. He would run around like a mad thing in supermarkets and wail loudly. We later found out he has hyperacusis and is terribly affected by fluorescent lights. He would frequently confuse mummy and daddy and refuse to be cuddled by friends or relatives, although he has never had a problem with dh or I doing this. Ivisited the health visitor on several occasions as I believed something was wrong and she poo pooed my worries and in the end told me I was neurotic. When he started school the difference between him and other children became more apparent. At first school thought he had trouble settling but after a few months the SENCO got involved. DS spoke clearly at nine months and never really babbled. We were told by CAHMS that this was a pointer to Aspergers and the health visitor should have flagged it up. Even now he only really wants to go out on his own terms and we have to work hard to sell an event or outing. If he isn't interested he isn't interested. He told me at age 3 that he didn't want to go to playgroup as he had better toys at home and he didn't have to share them, but I made him go because of the social side. If I knew then what I knew now, I wouldn't have bothered!!

I was another smug mum as well with my eldest. Thought he was a solutey fine. It the signs were clearly there but as he was my first born I had no idea then when he was 2 and things were starting to become more obvious with him I gave birth to twins and lost my mum in the same week so then that was used to explain his behaviour for about 2 more years then we moved and his new school immediately raised concerns and he was dx withinb weeks. I remember saying to the consultant that if you are telling me this son is autistic then what the hell is going in with my boy twin - that battle would last a further 4 years to he was also dx and he is much more obvious. Been a long road but now with my elder boy who is 11 and in a special school he is settled, my twin boy now has a host of dx to his name and about to start an independent asd school and I can relax however now concerns girl twin is dyslexic but that now seems like a walk in the park to get sorted after everything we have been through

DS was like a little whirlwind, always playing outside. His speech was delayed but we didn't fuss, so was his older brothers and he was fine. He went play group at 3 and was very challenging, didn't mix, couldn't wait turns. He was under Early Years and SALT who said language disorder. Started school on School Action Plus at 4.3 and everything went pear shaped. Massive anxiety, meltdowns, fears and phobias, didn't speak at school. Stayed part time til summer term. Had him referred about a year ago to Comm Paed and diagnosed last month with ASD but of course we had known for some time by then. Language and communication skills still way behind, dyspraxia too. Going through statement and possibly change of school. Now 5.9 and massive improvements in behaviour/anxiety levels etc. We just go with the rate of development he is at. This thread has cheered me up to hear success stories :-)

re regression. My eldest was clearly autistic from birth. He didn't look at me while feeding, nothing like that. Wasn't interested. I thought he didn't love me, that I was a bad mother,etc. My yougest developed 'normally' and then regressed. (it was my youngest, who was born 15 months after our first, and how different he was that prompted us to find out what was the matter with our eldest! He was diagnosed at 2.5 . Our youngest was diagnosed at 3!)

Re names, neither of ours responded to their names for years! In fact, the 'experts' at one point claimed our youngest didn't understand the concept!

You should hear him yell at me now if I accidentally call him his brother's name

My daughter is 3.5 and no dx yet. I know its ASD. I have known something is up since she was a yr old.

same as HecateWhoopass - No pointing or anything. On the rare occasions he needed us for something he would grab our hands and try to throw them to the item we needed. We were tools and nothing more. I never felt needed, wanted or loved by him.

Like OmiQueenofTypose - At 2-3 DS was very active, always moving, his attention flitting from one thing to another. He just did what he wanted, not keen on following adult instructions etc. Both DH and I were really concerned, as he just didn't seem to connect with us. We played the same simple peek-a-boo games with him that we had when he was a baby: he just didn't seem to move on from them.

chubbymomie - If your child regressed, you might want to look at some bio-medical intervention. Some children (From what I am reading, its mostly the ones who were doing well in their first year) respond well.

woolyandtig - My daughter never regressed.. However I read somewhere that regression isnt just loss of skills. Its also the absence of new skills. Which is what my daugher has/had. She'd learn somehing and would stuggle to learn the next step

Mine also had a lot of ear infections from ~8mths on. She had a global developmental delay since she was 1 year. She didnt start sleeping through the night till after grommets were put in her ears.

She started going to day care at 18 months and the sensory overload there was overwhelming for her. I had to cut back her hours.

She is still not potty trained and has no words. Very delayed on gross and fine motor skills too.

I have to say that when I read "Every child with ASD is different to another child on the spectrum" I used to think its a cliche. Now that I know a little bit more, I am beginning to believe it. I would start early intervention asap.

SUNNYMEG I just wondered you said if u knew then what you know now with regard to play group you wouldn't have made him go. We are searching for playgroups at the moment and I wondered why you say this? :-)

My DD is 3.5, not diagnosed, some discussion going on at the moment as to whether she is hyperlexic, PDD, GDD or a language disorder. She had many of the same characteristics

Perfect baby, very independent, happy to play by herself, very sociable and happy to be with new people.

Walked late, only just potty trained this last couple of months (thank the lord), no speech at all at 2.5, quite a bit now but very echolalic, with reversed pronouns.

She's also wilful, tantrummy, does the moany thing when upset, likes climbing, has perfect pitch, is very fussy about her clothes and bounces and spins a lot.

She can read a fair bit, has a redunkulous memory and not very keen on other children.

She didn't point, she didn't say mummy, she didn't respond to her name, but she has done all of these things since her third birthday.

Her vocabulary of nouns is enormous, but she has very few verbs and makes very few novel sentences.

DS was walking by 12 months and talking sentence at 9 months. At 2 to 3yrs he was happy to go off to nursery with no issue however due to the 1 to 1 at nursery it wasnt until 3 nearly 4 before signs were being flagged.

He was always busy and flighty, contstant questions which the staff found cute and all loved him and his curiousness. He was also chosen and fought over for the new staff members to do their training on as he was verbal and happy. But this did damage as had he been left alone to mix more we may have been made aware of issues sooner. ie. he was totally disinterested in any of the children, could not amuse himself by finding something to do, problem solving was an issue if something had gone wrong. Facial expression was always serious, didnt feel pain ie. fractured leg in 3 places and dislocated elbow but carried on as normal.

chubbymommie2012, DS hated playgroup with every fibre of his being. Even now he uses it as a example for how much he hates something. The fact that he refers to it even 7 years on makes me regret making him go.

I should have added, three was nothing wrong at all with the playgroup. Enthuisiastic staff, nice children, well planned activities. Just not where my son wanted to be!!

This has been so interesting reading your stories.

Would you mind telling me this: did you see signs in your newborn?

Did he prefer looking at light or a fan, did he reject looking at your face? Did he hold himself away from you?

The reason I am interested is because of my interest in autism, but also if there are signs in a newborn, that would be really useful to parents.

I am not a student doing research, I am a grandmother.