if your child has autism what were they like when they were 2 to 3 years

[ChazDingle]

won't go into too much detail but DS has been identified as possibly having some signs of autism. I had some very slight concerns before but i'm not too sure and to me he doesn't seem that bad that he would seem that different to children of the same age. There are probably two things that he does that are more unusual and the other things i think aren't unusual for a toddler of his age- such as not yet potty trained, not always responding to name etc. The more unusual things he does is being very good with numbers and humming (although he does this much less now than he used to), oh and he also likes routine.

HansieMom, DS is my second child, and I honestly didn't notice anything different about him until he was a bit older than eighteen months. He was smiley and seemed socialable and 'chatty', he loved to be held and cuddled. It was only as he didn't seem to move on, in terms of his behaviour/speech/interests that we began to worry. His sister had a speech delay too, so did my DH (apparently) so I wasn't too worried about his late talking.

Actually, DH and I were talking about the turning point for us. It was easy for us to say 'oh, boys are more lively' or 'he doesn't like puzzles' and of course 'well DD wasn't talking until she was two and a half, and she's a little chatter box now'. And then we watched a home video of DD at two and a bit, and she was talking in little sentences, and just communicating - it really hit us that DS wasn't doing any of that. That's when we got the SALT referral. And it wasn't until the SALT pointed out that it wasn't that his lack of speech driving his lack of interaction, but the other way around, that I considered ASD at all.

Looking back now, I see the ASD in his behaviour prior to eighteen months, but it was very difficult to see at the time. It was things like never having tantrums: at the time I just thought that he was a very calm baby, now I see that it was because unlike most toddlers, he just wasn't bothered about communicating (or thought we already understood), so he didn't get frustrated.

Hansie when I look back now I can see signs from birth! (though I didn't know it then). When the Bounty lady came round to take his pic in hospital he cried as soon as I put him down EVERY TIME! He is a very tactile child & seeks tactile stimulus a lot now. He loves deep pressure, cuddles, kisses, rough & tumble. This was something that threw us off the scent in his 2nd year. As a baby he LOVED the vibrating bassinet! As soon as it stopped he woke up! He wouldn't sleep unless he was in my arms (nightmare!) . He stopped breastfeeding at 10 months (I was devastated). All these things prob seemed like nothing unusual at the time. But knowing him now to me they are all indicators.

This is a really interesting thread to me as we are going through dx process for ds1 at the moment. He was also a super-chilled and easy baby. From 2-3 he was still remarkably un-clingy but he hit and bit at nursery a lot. He was very very verbal and was obsessed with super-heros. Am trying to remembe.r what else

Marking the thread (I was another smug mummy with vague concerns which I denied, and DS2 is in this age bracket and am starting to get deja vu )

Hansie - My eldest had no interest in me at all. You know how people talk about newborns and that special bonding during feeding where you gaze into each others eyes?

I had none of that. He was so unwilling to look at me that I used to sit and sob, convinced he hated me and he had decided I was a bad mother.

He hated to be cuddled. He'd go rigid. Yet he wanted to feed from me constantly. As long as I held him loosely and didn't look at him . Any attempt from me to touch or stroke or cuddle or look into his eyes was met with what seemed at the time to be hostility.

I did it anyway. In the end he learned to tolerate it. But he didn't like or want it.

I just wasn't anything of importance to him. Later, he realised that I had practical uses, such as passing him stuff he couldn't reach and as giver of food but he didn't think of me as an actual person for years I was a means to an end. Food, entertainment. My finger was used to see if his food was hot! He would actually grab my finger and put it into his food. Clever bugger really! He liked to play with us, but totally on his terms and for his entertainment and not a two way thing and when he was done, he'd walk away without a backward glance. I always felt that he would be just as happy with anyone as long as they were performing the duties he needed performing.

My youngest was as different again. He loved attention and cuddles and would light up when we picked him up. It was a shock when he regressed.

Now they are 12 and 13 (nearly 14) and my eldest is a cool, calm (mostly!) laid back person who loves us all very much. He doesn't say it unless made to but you can tell that he does. My youngest loves hugs and attention and loves to perform for us, but he requires constant direction and you have to make sure he behaves appropriately and he is very fiery!

Re the baby question I swear to god my son smiled at me when he was 3 weeks old. I was on the phone to my friend at the time and she laughed. A week later he did it again when I was with MIL and she spotted it and didn't think it was wind. He was a lovely baby, cuddly etc. Looking back though, I think the signs may have there early on. If his dinner wasn't ready at 5 on the dot I knew all about it! He always had eye contact us with us though, it was easy to make him laugh etc. He is still like that now, the eye contact goes when the communication is verbal. If he is doing something cheeky he seeks eye contact for a reaction. If you engage him to talk he averts his gaze.

Yeah, mine hate talking to you and looking at you at the same time!

I think it's too much input for them. my eldest is now able to say why he hates eye contact. He says it hurts, it burns, it's fizzy...

Hanse, something that might be of interest, ds2 was very like a lot of the children mentioned here, no tantrums, very 'self-sufficient' lovely as a baby.
But it was startling to see photos of him, he was super photogenic, because he lit up, looked like he was making 'eye contact' was beaming, we were a bit 'who IS this child?'
Looking back on it, it was probably because the camera was so much more interesting to him that human faces were

Ds1 says eye contact makes him feel physically uncomfortable and intimidated and also that he finds it hard to do it in the first place, let alone maintain it for the whole time someone is talking.

He finds it easier with us, as he says he doesn't find it so intimidating, but it really depends on the situation or conversation as to whether he's comfortable enough to do it.

thanks for all the replies, it really has been very useful to me reading them. Some little things mentioned really seem to ring a bell with what DS is like. He does point to things and will recognise someone else pointing so that is something he does have. I'm still not sure one way or the other, i had small doubts and i suppose the fact that someone else has picked up on things has come as abit of a shock, from the way DS is if i mentioned to most people they would thing i was neurotic for thinking such a thing. It was also mentioned that maybe some of the signs he is showing are just normal toddler behavour he will grow out of or he could be a gifted child. Alot of the signs of a gifted child and an autistic child seem to overlap from what i have found on the internet. I suppose it can only be a good thing that someone else has picked up on a potential problem so early as this will perhaps mean that if needed something can be in place when DS starts school in 18 months.

ds2 had no language or vocal sounds & really wasnt communicating or interacting at all.
He had very repetitive and OCD type behaviour, would shuffle up & down the hallway on his bottom, rubbing the walls.
couldnt cope with noise of any sort & would scream when we went in to the shops.
He was also extremely attached to me & screamed if I left the room
In fact he just did alot of screaming
He had no play, but loved sellotape & would suck everything & spit alot.
Actually thinking back it was an awful time.
He also was just starting to walk but wouldnt go through a doorway

should add, ds2 is fully verbal now with good language skills although very quiet & passive. He is at MS primary with full 1 to1 & has amazed us all by his progress. He is due to start SN secondary in September

Ds began to talk at 6 months old. By 13 months he spoke in full sentences. Like he had read a book ( lol- 'how to talk '... Maybe) and just learnt it. No babbling or baby talk. Formal and a bit bbc. He would talk loads about all the things he knew
He is now 15 and very passive and withdrawn . He barely speaks tbh
He stopped wearing nappies at 2 years and 2 months and was dry day and night at this time..
Crap sleeper from the word go . Still is.
He was probably at his most manic for all things wheels at 2-3. Not just a train or a digger... But it's make and model. He loved books. he questioned everything at 4 and would get upset if he couldnt understand the answer (particularly science). he used to run up and down repetively.He was very frightened and anxious about noises/ lights/particular stories at this age. This was the beginning of his anxiety.He had regular meltdowns until about 4/5 Mostly when something was just not right ... Or when he didn't know 'what would happen'. He used to ask that question a lot- " what will happen?"
Between 3-4 he taught himself to read.
He was either joyful happy or having a meltdown.

DD at 2-3yo : No speech, then very limited speech, mostly gestures. No receptive speech. Delayed motor milestones (gross and fine), though complicated by hypermobility syndrome and (a later dx of) dyspraxia.

She had already been dxd with GDD somewhere between 7mo & 13mo.

She had already been dxd with partial hearing loss by 7mo.

No pretend play. At all. (Still none even at 15, when playing with DS3).

Disliked being around peers. It used to make me not take her to my friends houses.

Severe head banging - she used to seek out the hardest thing to bang her head on, usually the metal stairgate or the wall.

Meltdowns that could last 3-5 hrs after a simple thing like being told 'wait your turn' when she wanted a toy another DC was playing with, or anything really.

Hiding under tables when asked to do, well, anything.

No potty training. Just wasn't happening.

Lashing out at people when in what she saw as a stressful situation.

Didn't settle at preschool, was bullied, preschool didn't make enough differentiation for her other, already dxd SN's like the hearing issue & Speech Delay. I ended up having to remove her from preschool after many sessions of me sat in the hallway outside and having to collect her early because she would hide under tables, scream continuously, refuse to let preschool staff touch her, lashing out when other DC's came near, and the bullying that happened (it was shocking how she was bullied by a group of DC's aged between 2.5 and 4yo with no intervention from the staff!)

Sensory seeking behaviours like rubbing carpets, pulling her eyelashes till they came out, constant thumb sucking (the only time her thumb wasn't in was when she was eating or drinking. She still sucks her thumb for around 14 hrs a day at 15!). Flicking her belly button (don't ask, she still does this too!).

She NEVER let anyone cuddle her - even at 3 days old, when she was brought up to the ward from SCBU, she would scream an animal on pain sort of scream every time I picked her up to bf her or cuddle her - to the point where the MW removed her from the ward and put her in the nursery as she was 'upsetting the other babies'. So her difficulties were apparent since birth.

Lots of spinning and hand flapping.

And the meltdowns. Again. They deserve mentioning twice because if the severity.

She still has no dx other than 'autistic traits'.

Will add about the others in a bit.

She didn't respond to her name at all, or point.

DD came out of nappies at 4.5yo when she started school, but she wasn't dry during the day until 7yo, she was clean during the day at 7yo too.

She wasn't clean at night until 8yo, and she stopped bed wetting at 12y7m.

DS1 : VERY early motor development. Rolling over and over at 5 WEEKS old. Crawling at 12 weeks old. Walking at 7mo.

No speech AT ALL until 20mo. When he turned round to me and asked "can I have some juice, please Mummy?" He had never said ONE word before then. HV had actually put in a referral for SALT by that point!

By 2-3yo, his speech was off the chart. He used to talk to the preschool staff and ask them if they knew the meaning of 'intangible', and explain it to them if they didn't know.

Has always only had one friend at a time - friend at preschool was a DC recovering from a brain tumour who was profoundly deaf and didn't talk AT ALL. Same thing has gone on all through school too. Only friend from YR to Y3 was a boy that has Aspergers and ADHD. When he left, DS1 had severe social issues and no friends until he made friends with the boy from preschool again.

Nothing unusual picked up between 2-3yo, except his academic progress - he left preschool having completed the entire EYF curriculum, and half of the Y1 curriculum too.

He was never a good sleeper, he hardly slept. By 2.5yo, I was in tears most mornings having had to be up all night with him and still take DD to school.

He used to refuse to wear clothes and insist on being called Spider-Man, refused to answer to his own name, even at preschool, and even wrote his name on his pictures as Spider-Man!

Corrected adults constantly too - didn't see a difference between adults and children then, and doesn't now at nearly 11.

His issues started becoming more apparent when he started the Juniors, massive social skills deficit became apparent, school having issues too. Now in Y6, I'm being called in weekly or more to discuss his behaviour.

He isn't producing the work he is capable of, and is frustrated that he feels that if the classroom was silent, he would produce far better work. VERY easily distracted.

Between 2-3yo, though, I thought if him as my 'NT one', as the others had many dxd SN's, and he didn't and was so far ahead academically that I didn't notice his social skills issues until he was around 7yo.

I am now seeking a dx of Aspergers, as I feel that is the issue at heart and I want / need a dx before he goes to Secondary in September.

He has issues with certain foods and textures of food too. At 2-3 it was at it's worst. It doesn't help that he won't eat tomatoes in any form. Which counts out LOTS of family meals!

DS2 : Between 2-3yo, he was non verbal, not walking OR crawling. He was dxd with Hypermobility syndrome and GDD.

He was still as floppy as a newborn, but he would sit up and flap his hands constantly.

He didn't say his first word until he was 3.6yo, and though it was 'mum' it was said in a monotone voice, really 'flat' and unusual. It's hard to explain, tbh. It was like a droning noise that went muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum. That didn't pass until he was more verbal at around 4.3yo.

He was, to all intents and purposes, like a newborn. His only communication was through cries.

He slept through the night, 7-7, from just 7wo though.

No interaction between him & his peers though, preschool wasn't right for him until he was 4.3yo.

Not potty trained until 3.3yo - but still not clean day of night fully due to encoparesis. Well, he's 9.3yo now, and has been clean for 4 weeks (touch wood) with the help of a maintenance dose of Movicol.

He would hide behind me in his Mac Major if I spoke to ANYONE.

No eye contact.

VERY noticeable issues, was told he had 'autistic traits' by the SALT when he was 4yo.

No formal dx, am trying though.

He has been referred back to SALT as his speech is still disordered. A recent example "I meeted you 4 times today". He's 9yo!.

DS3 IS actually 2yo. 25mo to be exact. He is being tested for Autism in May, using ADOS. He has already been dxd 'hyperactive with a strong possibility of ADHD'. He has Hypermobility.

Signs currently displayed :

Head shaking. Excessively. To the point where we used to say he was a St. Bernard dog shaking his drool everywhere.

Teeth grinding. Excessively to the point where I have to prise his jaw open and put a chewy tube from the SALT in there to prevent damage to his teeth.

Running hands over stairgate bars, metal fences etc. repeatedly.

Spinning. Obsessively. Himself and toys like car wheels etc.

Severe expressive & receptive speech delay. He actually had a severe regression - at 16mo he was attempting to sing 'ed, solders, nees, does. By 18mo he had lost ALL speech. He hasn't said Mum for 9 months now. He has recently re learnt Daddy though. He currently communicates using a mixture of one of his few words, Makaton, PECS, and gestures.

He didn't pint until he was 24mo.

He didn't 'get' peekaboo until 23mo.

He falls constantly and doesn't feel pain.

He walks 'through' people & things as if they aren't there.

He climbs. Everywhere.

He is destructive when in meltdown - he has completely demolished speakers, a TV unit, a printer, and many more things.

He NEVER sleeps. Even worse than DS1. The HV suggested melatonin this week just gone, so I need to talk to the HP about that. He sleeps for 4hrs in 24, and only in 1hr bursts.

I'm a fucking zombie!

No signs of potty training being imminent - he doesn't even know when he has already 'been', let alone knowing beforehand.

He is not sociable - though his severe allergies DO compromise this as he can't go to sift play or toddler groups.

I have already been told that he needs an SN Nursery placement. And that he needs Portage support at home before he goes to preschool.

He doesn't play with, or even alongside his peers.

He hand flaps lots.

He doesn't make eye contact with anyone except me and his dad.

No pretend play until 23mo - and it's almost 'echolalic play' in as much as it's only EVER things that I have shown him repeatedly.

Lots of other sensory stuff was picked up by the specialist preschool teacher that assessed him, I'm just waiting for her report, but she has already told me her recommendations.

I'm hooping that DS3 getting a formal dx will help the older DC's.

Salondon - I totally relate to being just a tool. For all my DC's except DS1, and he sees me as someone or something that can be manipulated to his way so that he is always in control.

Didn't speak. Or want to. He never through tantrums, although he does now (nearly ten)

Walked through everything. Climbed like a monkey, even people. Actually, he made no distinction between people and furniture.

Oh god the destruction. Never have I known such a non-aggressively destructive child.

When I sat down and tried to play with him, he would get up and walk off.