My baby doesn't know me.

[WillWeBeOk]

I don't know how to deal with this. My 8 month daughter has been slowly slipping away from me. She doesn't answer to her name or my voice or even a whistle or silly noise anymore. She looks past me and right through me. She has no concept of whether I leave he room or come back, apart from hearing the door open. She certainly isn't blind or deaf, I know that because she looks closely at her toys or traffic in the street and can hear me opening the fridge in the next room.

We cosleep in the morning and when she wakes up, on the pillow right next to me, she doesn't notice I'm there. Right now she has been happily playing with the zipper on her sleeping bag for 20 mins never checking in with me, totally withdrawn in her own world. It is not just in the morning. She rarely interacts at all except for sometimes tickling and rough play but even then she looks to the side of me or at my mouth. Zero eye contact and never any smiles just for seeing me. Never imitates me.

I am just so scared. I have posted before, this is only one of the dozen or so worrying signs that she has started showing but it is the hardest to deal with. How do you interact or communicate with a baby who won't acknowledge you? I am waiting on a referral to a paediatrician in the meantime people are saying enjoy your baby and forget your worries but how can I when every second spent with her she ignores me?

She also ignores other people. They think she is interacting with then but if you watch closely it is more like she is using them as a prop for want of any better way of explaining it.

I know some of you have had this with your babies. It is heartbreaking. How do i get through it?

at a nude afternoon!

Hope the appointment helps!

It may be worth looking at Intensive Interaction (if you google you will find information - lots on YouTube too). It's an approach where you try to tune in to the child without forcing them to pay attention. So for example, you describe your DD playing with the zipper - in Intensive Interaction you would join in with her action, try to match your breathing to hers, pick up on any little noises she makes and imitate them etc. If she responds, in any tiny way at all, you mirror back her response. It's a very gentle, non-threatening way of interacting and has worked wonders with my DS. However, I've never seen it done with babies - but it may be worth a shot. Certainly if I'd known about it when DS was very young I'd have done it over and above all other thngs we tried. PM me if you want more info.

This is so hard. Why do I keep hoping it will change? Husband took dd out to the shops for an hour. When they came back he said to her 'look, there's mummy", a blank look was all. It kills me. Other babies light up when they see their mummies, they wiggle, they smile, they reach out. I never thought I would have a daughter who didn't know me.

If I had my time again, knowing what I know about the "plasticity" of the early brain, I would work to teach my baby eye contact, gesture, "conversation". Buy some snazzy light-up or noisy toys, get her attention, then replace them with your face/eyes. Then teach that the toys will only light up/make interesting noises if she looks at your eyes. Then call her name and immediately get in her eye gaze, move into her vision even if she looks sideways. Then do a funny face. Then do big eyes or tongue movements and try and prompt the same. I know it sounds a bit mad, but there are scientific studies that show you can literally open up new brain connections, by using simple reward mechanisms. With my boy, who turned out later to be autistic, other people said they found him distant, but I think I just "attacked" him with cuddles, and got in his face, and cuddled/tickled all the time. Now it may not have been anything I did, he may just have been born affectionate, but he really does form strong bonds with many people around him now. Don't take your cues from her, reshape her brain by getting your eyes in front of her sideways gaze - all worth a try anyway!

Willwebeok - I have sent you a pm.

How is she

Hi OP, I know this thread is very old, how is your LO now?

@Fruitynug I'd try @ ing the OP. Her DD will be about 12 now but the OP might still be around but is unlikely to see the post without an @

@WillWeBeOk how is your little one now? Would love an update x