A message for Jimjams

[lorne]

Hi Jimjams,

Hope you don't mind me asking your advice on my ds who is 4.4.

We had school ativity play last week and my ds was a shepherd. He looked very spaced out and not with it at all. When the play was over they did songs etc and he sang away then but I am concerned about him being like this. I have noticed before one time I was in nursery picking him up, he just looked in a dream. I mentioned it to Nursery teacher and she said she has no concerns about him but that they would monitor it as sometimes they do have to say his name 3 times before they get his attention.

Hope you don't mind me asking your advice but you are very knowledgible with this sort of thing.

I think you are wonderful mam to your boys , they are very lucky to have you.

Thanks very much

Lorne

I know I'm not Jimjams, but thought I might share our ds1's Nativity experience with you. He is 6 and has Aspergers, so we knew it might be difficult. Last year he had a major tantrum 20 mins before the start, and was pale and exhausted for the actual event. This year he was much calmer, and generally has found the whole Christmas thing easier this year. But throughout the play, in the long stretches when he wasn't directly involved, he looked sort of weird and uncomfortable, sitting very still, but with an odd expression and his eyes rolling around a bit. When we asked him later what was wrong he said his back itched, but he'd been told he shouldn't scratch on stage!
So, there may be some entirely innocent reason for your ds's demeanour, and I wouldn't worry too much about it if he doesn't ususally bother you. IME most 4yo's sometimes don't answer first, second, third of fourth time!
By the time our ds1 was 4.4 we had plenty of signs that things weren't altogether 'normal'.
Hope this helps!

Thanks jmb1964 for your reply.

The reason I am concerned was when he started playgroup at 3, well in the first term the play group leader told me he thought he had dyspraxia. I got it checked out but they thought everything was fine. By the second term he seemd to be doing fine at playgroup and they thought the playgroup leader jumped in too soon with her diagnosis. She anyway had no right even saying this to me as she is not qualified to diagnose any of these illness's.

Anyway he then started nursery for 2 days a week last year also and is doing 5 sessions a week now. The teachers there told me they have no concerns although now I have mentioned it they will monitor him. He is getting on fine socially, starting to learn his letters etc although I don't think he will be the brightest but that doesn't bother me at all as long as he is happy etc which at the moment he is.

It has just made me uneasy about seeing him in a little dream world. I don't notice it at home but must admit that is the second time I have noticed it at Nursery.

Thanks again for your reply. Much appreciated.

Lorne

ds1 was in 2 nativity plays this year- one at nurser and one at school, and tbh half the kids looked as if they were in a trance. It must be overwhelming for them- all those people. In fact when I visited a Steiner school earlier int he year the class 1 teacher (5 year olds) said that he didn't agree with young children performing to parents as he felt it was too much for them (not saying I agree with that- but it is a reminder that these things can be very overwhelming)

I suspect that the reason he looks a bit spaced at nursery sometimes is because they're very busy places. A lot of young children have trouble processing more than one sense at any one time. If your son had dyspraxia type symptoms then this may well be a problem for him (dyspraxia has sensory problems at its root iyswim- although lots of people- especially children have mild sensory problems without being dyspraxic). He's probably just tuning out a bit to cope with all the noise etc. If it only happens at nursery I wouldn't worry at all. If it began to happen in other places as well, especially quiet places where you know he's relaxed (no response on calling his name etc) then I would mention it to your GP. I'm sure if its only happening in busy places its nothing to worry abut though.

I'm sure he's fine- nothing in your post rings any alarm bells for me, but if you are worried have a chat with your GP or HV (hopefully you have good ones).

Lorne, thank goodness for people like that playgroup leader who had the guts to say something, even if she was wrong. Far better than people who suspect but are too cowardly to say anything. Agree though that it sounds like you shouldn't worry, I can well imagine being bored if they've gone through it a thousand times and its not that exciting to do, just lovely for parents to watch.

Thank you all for your replies.

My ds is now on holidays until 5th January and then the nursery teacher will monitor it and she said that they would speak to me at the end of January. I still feel uneasy about this but will try and put it to the back of my mind until January.

Thanks again. Will let you know how we get on.

Lorne