sob

[Jimjams]

Ds2 is 2 in January- and stil not talking. Anyway I have been doing my own little language assessment in him - and he is fine. In fact he is bloody amazing, he understands, my, yours, his, me, and on, under etc. He is now streets ahead of ds1. Ds1's language has been stuck at 12-18 months level since he was 12 months! (Which kind of makes sense as he got ill at 11 months and I think that was when he was pushed over iyswim). He understands more set phrases than he used to - but his understanding of raw language hasn't come on at all. He doesn't understand my your etc. He still hasn't really got the ideo of "on" although we've been doing it for months. Pleased though I am for ds2 I feel bloody depressed for ds1.

Not sobbing anymore. Couple of good days. Ds1 went to a birthday party yesterday !! got stuck inside the soft play slide (which was bizarre because could hear him but couldn't see him) but enjoyed himself.

Today ICT people came to see him at school and are loanoing various bits of equipment and software. They were very good- and noticed that he can't move a mouse and look at the screen- rather like he couldn't walk and carrry something at the same time a year ago. So we are going to wwork on that first of all. Talk about mono- channeled!

mums like you should be given a medal when i moan about my dd i will think how hard it must be for you hugs xxxxx

Might have known you'd have found it

Jimjams, Nancy Kaufman???!!! She is coming over here to give some talks in the New Year (can't say I can fathom any evidence of effectiveness from the website though). Here's the info:

Nancy Kaufman is bringing her new techniques to the UK for the first time in April 2004. She will be conducting a lecture tour of the U.K. and Ireland between 19th and 25th April. Her work is ground-breaking in the treatment of non-vocal individuals, and promises to be of immense help to parents, ABA and speech therapy professionals. Cost should be no more than about £75 per person for the one-day workshop.
For further info e-mail [email protected]

Had a sob today which is most unlike me. Was in Tesco doing Christmas shopping - presents and food/drink for a family party on Sunday. ds lasted in the trolley 2 minutes.. too much jumping up and down in it, banging the sides etc.. so I let him out and he just wandered off. This has happened before and he is generally OK just walks round himself and I go and find him periodically. Anyway just trying to concentrate on what to buy when I hear an announcement over the Tannoy "little boy lost etc" so I go and collect him., bung him in the trolley and quickly whisk round getting the rest of the stuff. we go to the cafe after for a hot chocolate. I leave dd in the trolley for a sec to put the tray down at a table. Turn round to see ds grabbing the trolley. I see what is coming and yell out but too late. He swings the trolley round and the front of it crashes into a table with two old folk having their meal!!! Tea splashes all over the place including into the man's lap. The woman gets up and says soemthing like "was that your child who was running rouidn the shop earlier" and other things I can't remember... I apologied and offered more tea etc. I got an assistant and started blabbing to her about ds being autistic but didn't say anything to the couple and just sat down at a table further away and burst into tears.

A few mins later the woman came up and said the assistant had told her about ds and she was really sympathetic which made me cry even more! She said she wished she'd not said anything and hadn't thought. Then the man came along and he was really nice too .. they seemed to know a bit about autism due to the recent TV prog I think. Anyway it all ended OK but I just felt that I really can't cope with shopping with him anymore. I can see the funny side of it now thankfully.

Oh yes and of course ds didn't have a CLUE that he had done anything wrong. Didn't even seem to notice what had happened.

OMG- missed the nancy kaufman bit. Cheers davros!

And hugs Eulalia. Thank goodness for the tv programmes. Slowly it will make life easier! You've very brave taking both of them shopping anyway

Eulalia - You really are brave. I'm glad people were so understanding. It makes such a difference. Lots of sympathy. xxx

Oh, Eulalia, what a rotten end to your shopping trip (fraught enough anyway at this time of year) - but I'm glad the old dears were so kind and understanding. Just think of it as doing your bit to help educate the rest of us

Can I just have a bit of a sob too.

DS1's Christmas nursery party went really badly and we ended up leaving over an hour early (before Father Christmas had been). And he only got two Christmas cards despite having written 16 himself (well, he wrote his name in them) - not of course that he is bothered by that - it's only me that's upset on his behalf.

Am too tired and emotional to post the details - suffice to say it was all the fault of the NT kids - well two of them anyway!

Speak to you all tomorrow,

Dinosaur

(not feeling very jingly but can't be bothered to change my name back atm.)

Hugs to jinglelesssaur and Eulalia - isn't this a difficult time for them all - loss of routines, stressed-out parents, mounds of crappy food etc?
Eulalia - your supermarket story made me sob too - everything just seems so hard, doesn't it, but you've done your bit to eduacte the ignorant masses
Ours ds1 is 6 now, and Christmas stuff at school this year has been a breeze compared with a year ago - mainly because he has his diagnosis (Aspergers) and a classroom assistant, but perhaps also because he's beginning to understand more about being in large groups.. He's got quite a few cards this year (only a couple last year) including some from little girls with hugs and kisses on - makes me go all tearful seeing them - I'm sure the little girls' parents have no idea how much it means to us!
Jingles, it might be easier next year?

I had an awful school "concert" experience a few days ago. Last year and the year before (our only 2 school Xmases so far), my son was excellent and last year kept coming into the audience to kiss me! This year he was distressed, upset, on the verge of a melt down. It was awful. THe staff dealt with it and I never interfere (except in extreme circs) when someone else is in charge. I kept up a brave face, they're mostly severely autistic and at least significantly autistic so I'm not comparing to NT but it was heartbreaking. I had a real kick in the guts after a few months of progress and (over) confidence. The next day he was back to his old, relaxed, happy and interactive self!

Thanks Davros and jmb.

I was upset for similar reasons to you, Davros. DS1 has been making such good progress over the last few months that I think I had set my expections too high. I was confident this year that he would be okay, whereas last year my heart was in my mouth the whole time.

Anyway, hey ho. Upwards and onwards. At least it makes me really appreciate how easy DS2 is - he of course was having a lovely time at the party, but is such an easy-going soul that he didn't mind too much being hauled out so that we could take DS1 home.

As I said in my message last night, none of it was really DS1's "fault". He did brilliantly during the singing, sang away, joined in the actions, etc, and he was fine eating his party lunch. The trouble started during the magician's show, when they were all crowded together on the carpet, and there were so many other parents in front of me that I couldn't get to him. He was fine for about half an hour, but then another boy tried to get him to move off "his" bit of carpet. That is always a real red rag to a bull for DS1, he hates having his space invaded, and I really do not know what this other kid was doing - DS1 had done nothing to provoke him. Next thing, DS1 lost it because the girl next to him had taken his party hat and wouldn't give it back. Poor old DS1 managed to do what we've been working so hard on - he asked her to give it back - but I'm afraid when she wouldn't he just went for her. By this time he was on the verge of a total meltdown so I decided it was best to beat a retreat. AArrrgh!

Oh jingle and davros I do hate all these things! I find plays and things difficult as it's so "in your face". DS1 looks so kind of spaced and stimmy. That's why we were pleased that ds1 didn't do his bit (when he would have been one of about 6 children on stage) and instead joined in at the end when there were 60 children on stage.

We don't do magicians or anything like that at all. He's seen one once and lasted 5 seconds. Actually it was hilarious. It was Halloween and all the children were sitting nicely on the carpet except ds1 and my friend's dd (also autistic- she has more language than ds1 but is still not exactly conversational iykwim). Friend's dd was stealing all the balloons and ds1 was just walking ebhind the magician, blanking him examining the boxes. The magician was competely fazed, he had no idea what was going on- he kept asking them to do sit down and the pair of them totally ignored him.

And as for father xmas. DS1 saw him on his school trip- well he was taken to him, I'm not sure he saw him as he was too busy trying to escape- ot was dark and full of straw bales. I grabbed the present and left a very confused father xmas. Took ds2 yesterday and he burst into tears (it had fake moving animals- which always spooks him!)

One day we will have a semi-normal xmas.

One thing that has finally clicked this year is presents. DS1 does now try to open them. Up until last year he had no concept of what they were and would just blank them.

My DS1 used to be terrified of presents, which was quite difficult to explain to well-meaning visitors...

...but this year he is not fazed at all by them, although he still likes me or DH to open them for him.

I must not lose sight of the progress we have made...i must not lose sight of the progress we have made...

I do think xmas is a difficut time of year jingle. Everthing is so in your face, and people keep on asking if he;s looking forward to xmas (no he doesn't understand anthing about it sod off- lol).

And everything is so different. For some reaosdn this year ds1 has taken a dislike to xmas tree light etc and keeps turning them off. DS2 of course loves them and keesp asking for them on. Aggghhh!

I didn't realise at first the Christmas addition to people's names!

dinosaur (are you feeling more jingly today?) - reading your post made me realise just how well your ds did do in the circumstances. Sitting for half an hour is brilliant and sounds like he was really provoked before he had the meltdown.

jimjams - what a quandry - who do you please in those circumstances - you can't really have tree lights half on - unless you count flashing ones! I try not to take both children shopping but living where we are the bigger shops are quite a drive away and I don't always have time while ds is at nursery, and I often combine trips out with swimming or a walk. I think that was a warning though that i need to revise things and think differently about shopping trips in future.

Thanks Eulalia and Jimjams.

Actually DS1 rarely has problems sitting still if that's what's expected of him in nursery or whatever. He's very rule-based, so if the rule is that you sit still, he sits still.

I think actually it was a bit ambitious having the magician's show on for such a long time, some other kids did get upset from time to time for various reasons.

Eulalia- no quandry in our house, if ds1 decides they're going off they go off! (no choice!) He did allow them on today so ds2 was happy.

The time I feel really sorry for ds2 is when he is hapily sitting watching a video and ds1 decides he needs to use the toilet. For some reason ds1 cannot leave the room whilst the tv is on. He has to turn it off! It is a nightmare. If I drag him out and prevent him turning it off he just screams the house down and won't go to the toilet anyway as he's too busy shouting "turn the tv off" (or da da dee dee du) and hitting himself. If he does turn it off then ds2 cries. I've taken to waiting until videos or programmes finish then turning the thing off then frogmarching him to the loo.

Oh for a spontaneous life!

Oh the video problem - SO familiar! Ds1 won't let ANYTHING happen on the TV if he has to go to the loo, and won't beleive that the video really is properly paused unless we pause it then eject it from the machine, amidst squeals of protest form the rest of them. The worst thing is that (I hope) NT dd2 and ds2 are learning these auti habits too, so how will we ever know with them??

I know what you mean jimjams, nearly all the time ds1 gets what he 'wants' rather than dd... I prefer to avoid his tantrums. dd is learning though even at her young age to work round him. She will check to see if he isn't looking and will take things from him, sometimes from right under his nose if he is absorbed in a video.