How to explain special needs to DS & DD

[NotveryPC]

DS is 3.5, DD is 1.5. Often we go for lunch at a great local cafe run by a charity that provides training for adults with special needs. In addition they often have customers who have special needs. Its a lovely place with nice food and great for kids - e.g. kind staff, toys, don't care if you spill your drink/ shout about Power Rangers v loudly.

However sometimes the customers with SN attract my kids attention - for example today there was a woman who was constantly groaning, staring into space, wearing a helmet to protect her head and needed to be fed by an adult helper.

My DS in particular has started to notice that this behaviour is different to the way that other adults behave.

I don't want to offend anyone and want my kids to be open minded about all people in society - how should I explain it to him?

Your help would be much appreciated.

I tell my son and dd1 who have cerebral palsy that their brains don't work in the same way as everyone elses and that the messages from the brain come down wrong to their legs, they will say that they have a part of their brain that was hurt when they were babies and that they have wobbly legs. would not be offenced if someone else mentioned their brains, because it is their brains that cause the CP

I used to work with children with 'special needs' and what struck me after several weeks (i'd started as a volunteer with noprevious experience btw) was how after a few weeks the children there stopped being ' the little girl with downs' or the 'little boy with autism' but just (pseudonyms here) ' Jack' or ' Rachel' - basically, i had a bit of a light bulb moment where i realised that actually we are ALL different - i explain it to children now as : well there isn't another YOU on this WHOLE planet(And HOW AMAZING is THAT !), because we are ALL different...' Children understand this and it's a great way of doing away with this 'us and them' thing that it's so easy to fall into no matter how well intentioned you are and how much you explain things ...yes, a person who uses a wheelchair has something that another adult may not have (a chair to enhance mobility) but i'd then say ' well it's like Mummy has BROWN hair and Daddy has black hair/ You have BLONDE hair ' (or like chips when i like cake ) or whatever. That way i think that they start to see that we are ALL different - Together. Just my ideas folks !

I can see why people use different. The thing I'm not sure about with the different thing is that I'm not sure it makes it clear to a child why someone may be behaving the way they do. So if ds1 is weeing on the floor, or doing something hideous to ds2 I don't really think think that it covers the pain in the neck it is for ds2 (and ds3 as he gets older). I could kind of imagine ds2 thinking "well I'm going to be different and trash the place as well". By saying that ds1 finds things difficult and then reinforcing to ds2 that he understands I think it helps him understand why he often has to behave as the eldest sibling when he is in fact, 3 years younger. If ds1 was higher functioing then I would probably use a mix.

Having said that using different in passing to describe someone on the street is a good way of being inoffensive.

DS2's latest pronouncement on disability is that "autistic children can't eat jelly", which made me PMSL. I did try to tell him that some would like jelly, but he wasn't having it.

on the jelly jimjams.

ds once commented on a man with crutches walking badly "look Mummy that man is dancing" However he actually (fortunately) makes very few comments about people. Don't know if he just doesn't notice or if odd things just aren't odd to him. Actually he's not that interested in people and is more likely to be looking at exhaust pipes on cars

What I am wondering is when I should explain special needs to ds himself. We talk about autism around him and he never asks questions. I don't know if he's noticed that he's 'different' from other children yet.

Having my own son's condition and being legal guardian to my sister in laws child (Mum has recently suffered severe brain damage and is left in a wheel chair with severe difficulties) I've found the best way of explaining to any child the "disabilities" (and I use the term loosly) of others is that they are SPECIAL! Only a very special child can smile through some of the things that they have to go through and at the end of the day they all do smile and laugh through it. Us adults would suffer depression and be in floods of tears all the time if we had to go through what our kids do!

Not a huge Church goer or anything like that but my Stephen made a comment to me about three years ago and it will stick with me for life - "Mum - I only got this because I'm strong enough to cope with it; people can say what they like only I know how it really feels! Wanna swop places?" My answer - no way; I'd never cope!

Best advice I can offer is that everyone should teach their children that there is no normal - everyone is an individual and hey - when I hear comments in "loud voices" I make the effort to talk to the child about different conditions - maybe its easier when you know from your heart and maybe people with "perfect" kids sometimes don't fully appreciate the heartache that others have.

Don't get me wrong I've made more than my fair share of mistakes - but kids are kids; they're job is to embarrass you and ask the awkward questions - just be truthful to their age and encourage them to get along with ALL!

Preach over - bet you wish I never found this site!