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Original poster

need cheering up

53 replies

sickbucket · 27/11/2003 15:25

As most of u know my dd has cp

We went out shopping amd dd started haveing spasms in her legs in ikea. (the cold weather i think)

When this happens she starts screaming and wriggling about all i can do it just talk calmly and rub her legs (getting her out the pushchair makes her worst seems so g ostiff compleatly)

So here i am as calm as i can sitting on the floor rubbing her legs

When this woman who'd been staring at me came over and said " it's obvious the child wants to get out the pushchair and walk - or will that be to inconvient to spoil your shopping time
after explaining dd has cp - she called me a liar as it obvious when u look at dd there's nothing wrong.

i didn't know what to say i manged to calm dd down and just walked out and came home.

Is this what i can except for society everytime she has a spasm

OP posts:
Blu · 27/11/2003 16:04

Sickbucket, course you should tell DH...it was an important part of your day...and it'll help you. If you don't it might surface in some argument "you don't know what it's like when I'm out in public on my own with her...."...would if it was me, anyway!

codswallop · 27/11/2003 16:04

she must have been a nutter the woman

Angeliz · 27/11/2003 16:04

if you think you can cope without telling him then my view would be "why upset him?"........simply to let him avoid how you felt this morning! If you think it's gonna bug you all night though you best let him know why you're down!...i think

CountessDracula · 27/11/2003 16:05

Good point codmeister

Blu · 27/11/2003 16:06

Is there a particular reason why you feel you might not tell DH?

Original poster
sickbucket · 27/11/2003 16:10

i feel i want to tell - but he finds it harder to except than i do - (he copes in his own way and is brillant with dd)

Also he'll want to know why i didn't tell him on the phone - i didn't think it was something to say over the phone - was i right???

you've all been so nice don't know what i'd have done without mumsnet this after

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 27/11/2003 16:14

sickbucket I think you should tell him. Why should you have to deal on your own?

Blu · 27/11/2003 16:16

I think it is perfectly reasonable not to tell him on the phone, upsetting and difficult for him if he was at work, etc, but if you are still upset by the time he comes home, I would tell him, and explain you just couldn't talk about it when he called as you were still trying to hold it together for your dd, and knew he was at work. You sound lovely, wanting not to upset him, and being sensitive to his sensitivities, but he is your partner, and if you still feel you would like someone, him, to talk with, then you should share it with him.
how do you think he would feel if he knew you had hidden it from him? How would you feel if he did the same? (these are genuine q's, not rhetorical).

ks · 27/11/2003 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jimjams · 27/11/2003 16:20

sickbucket- if it'll cause you more trouble telling him then don't feel you have to. I don't always tell dh everything to do with ds1 because sometimes I haven't got the energy to cope with him being down about it as well. So if he's in a "down about ds1's future" mood then I may not iyswim. I'm sure you know what I'm trying to say.

DH is pretty good though, I usually tell him stuff like that and he just gets pissed off about it which makes me feel better (its just him getting upset I can't cope with iyswim)

Angeliz · 27/11/2003 16:21

having read blu's comments about " how would you feel if he didn't tell you?" i think you probably should! I would not like dp to keep anything from me, however upsetting re my dd. I didn't think of it from that angle!

Original poster
sickbucket · 27/11/2003 16:44

thank you to you all for all this -

i have decided to tell dh everything whe nhe comes homes 2-nite - i think he'll want to know i would if it's happened to him.

dd is non the wiser to whats happened 2-day and is crawling round which means her legs have calmed down - so we will also have a peaceful night - so i think i will open a bottle later.

thanks once again and see some of ya in the bar later ....

OP posts:
SenoraPostrophe · 27/11/2003 16:50

sickbucket - more sympathy from me. What an old cow.

Sounds like the woman was a bit confused over what cp is though. If it were me I'd be tempted to carry around a few leaflets for similar incidents - although i do hope there won't be any more.

also have a glass of wine before telling your dh - I always get really angry all over again when recounting stuff like this!

fio2 · 27/11/2003 17:05

sickbucket sorry you had the misfortune of bumping into this ignorant pig from the planet zog. It never ceases to amaze me how nasty and judgemental some people can be when you have kids. It just hurts more when it is a remark at your special needs child. Glad your dd's legs have calmed down now. I would tell your dh too he would like to know. My dh is angry man though when I tell him anything. And get that bottle ready

maryz · 27/11/2003 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suedonim · 27/11/2003 20:57

Stunning, absolutely stunning, Sb. I don't know how people have the nerve to speak to others like that. We saw a woman with tiny twins today and dd was desperate for me to ask her if it was alright to have a peep. I had to pluck up courage just to ask that, I cannot imagine the brass neck Ikea Old Trout must have.

Re your dh, I know I'd want to share it because it's not as if the memory will be gone tomorow. It's going to be there for a while, sadly.

Btw, twin mum was very happy to let dd see the babies and chat to her about them. I was full of admiration for her. Two nine wk babies, dressed in real clothes, not sleep suits, she was made up, hair done, feeding them while having a cup of tea and reading a copy of Hello. The downside is that dd now wants to be a Big Sister.

doormat · 27/11/2003 21:00

sickbucket- what an ignorant disgusting bitch.
hugs
xxxx

tamum · 27/11/2003 21:23

I am so sorry (and gobsmacked, to be honest) to read about this. It's truly appalling. Some fantastic postings here though, I do hope they've made you feel a bit better (special mention for hmb and CD, if I may )

CnR · 27/11/2003 21:27

How awful sickbucket. What a stupid, ignorant woman. I am appalled at the thought. I hope you are feeling better now.

mrsforgetful · 27/11/2003 22:15

People like that make me so cross- i hope you are feeling better now . I have no experience of cp so just wish you hugs and hope that you feel better tomorrow.

mrsforgetful · 27/11/2003 22:17

actually just thought of something....the next time someone sees my son and says 'he doesn't look autistic' i might say 'do you want a demonstration?' (i say that 'tongue in cheek as i KNOW i won't...i just wish i could) XXXXX

Forestfly · 27/11/2003 22:23

My best friend was in a wheel chair, i grew up with her and she lost the use of her legs when she was seven. Anyway we always went to clubs together and i and she would always start laughing. People would shout at me and say don't sit on her knee you nasty women she doesn't like it, i can tell. Doesn't she need the toilet etc.... To her they would say ARE YOU ALRIGHT LOVE, we used to say piss off we're getting drunk

jasper · 28/11/2003 21:20

That woman is the one with the disability, and it may not be fixable or even manageable.
Poor soul, to have been born so stupid and with such a mean spirit

Eulalia · 29/11/2003 19:51

Agree totally with jasper.

Hope you are feeling happier now sickbucket.

Blu · 01/12/2003 12:51

MrsForgetful: the next time someone says 'he doesn't LOOK autistic' you could say 'that's true, just like you don't LOOK rude / ignorant/ nosey'