Evicted for behaviour of SN son!

[Blu]

Did anyone see the article in the Guardian yesterday, following a woman who has been evicted from her house under an 'ASBO' (Anti-social Behaviour Order) because of the behaviour of her son who has ADHAD (?). Social workers planned alternative housing but it fell through at the last moment, and the son would be coming home from school to find himself homeless. (the woman could stay with her sister, but she wouldn't accept the son in case she was evicted too!).

The woman did seem to have difficulties staying on top of things...but it made me think we live in scary times. She is the first person to be evicted under this new gvt legislation.

BATTERS- It's people like you that make it easier - you actively put yourself out to try to understand! It's not that every tantrum in a shop i see is a child with SEN.... but it always crosses my mind...yesterday i saw a 4 or 5 year old hysterical outside a shop because he wanted to go 'the other way'- now obviously i didn't ask if he was autistic.... but the first thought i had was autism? and the next was how well his mum explained that they had to go the other way and why.... and then his 'instant' willingness to go the way his mum said ....which then made me think he wasn't autistic!!!! (my ds2 takes at least 20mins of 'reasoning' before he would 'agree' to go the 'wrong' way anywhere!!!!) Now the reality is noone in passing will hang around long enough to see my 'parenting skills' !
When i first found mumsnet i realised how diverse the behaviour problems were with SEN kids- yet the one thing they all seem to have in common at some point is LOW SELF ESTEEM.And finaly BATTERS- you hit the nail on the head about 'where can they live'- someone on the thread earlier 'joked' about an Island where 'they' can all go....what about the extended families??? I just feel so annoyed that there is this 'stigma' attatched to tenants.....in that THEY can be 'forced' to leave...yet someone in a private house (like me) is less easily removed? Just seems wrong to me...just because i live here doesn't mean my kids will be any 'better' than a 'council' area child- yet those kids are often brought up in areas where the 'do-gooders' have already 'written them off' way before they have begun their rein of terror....it's obvious to me that ANY child growing up in an environment where he is 'expected' to 'offend' will 'grow into that mould'....

MrsF, I'm really sorry to see how hurt you are; as if you didn't have enough else to deal with. I can quite understand why, but I think the island comment was completely ironic- it was deiberately taking this attitude to a ridiculous extreme, I think, and there's a winky face after it. I would be amazed if anyone on here genuinely thought of that as a solution. Please don't be put off posting here!

I completely agree with Batters and bozza. When my dd started school a few months ago and there was a boy in the class behaving badly every day my very first thought was to wonder if he had special needs, not to think what a brat, which I might help have thought a year ago in my pre-mumsnet days.

Lucy was definitely being ironic about the island, Mrs F.

I can't help thinking - hoping - that the intention behind the eviction legislation was to try to make parents take more responsibility for their kids behaviour, for the kids to realise the possible consequences, and for all of them to stop upsetting their neighbours - not to have to make them homeless.

Hasn't worked, has it (Well, then again, we only hear about the cases where it hasn't worked - maybe there are some where it has.)

TAMUM- ooops ! i've re-read it..... see what you mean!There i go again ...taking things literally () !!!!I just think because i have such low self esteem myself that i've taken these comments too much too heart- but also my stepson is 20 and has AS and ADHD (like my son) and I have seen him excluded at school and in prison due to 'petty theft'... he lived in a 'rough council area' and was seen as the 'class idiot...or clown' and it got to the point that by 14 no teacher gave him a chance- he was prescribed medication at 15 and statemented at 16- Too little-too late... in prison at 18. He's stolen from his family and friends- and us- and now lives in isolation as he feels so bad- yet he still behaves recklessly.

Don't worry, I can see why you were upset. What an awful story about your stepson. You are so obviously such a fantastic mother, your boys couldn't hope to have anyone better. Just try and keep remembering that.
xx

glad you've all sorted thing out ladies

mrsf I WAS so paranoid we are all regular sn posters on here and I was wondering who it was. Maybe the longer you are on the more you get to know the posters 'personality'. I remember one of the first times I posted me and Thomcat had a 'sort of' mini argument about the word 'disabled'. I understand now why she was upset and I wasn't trying to offend her, it's just when you type messages it sometimes looks different to how you think it - if that makes sense!!!!

mrsF, i'm sorry if i upset u. my neice and nephew have CP and are being referred for checks on behaviour. i know its not easy, but i also belive that parentsof ALL kids regardless of special needs should be aware of others. when this girl moved into our block of flats she caused problems straight away, the girl above them has had her 18month old son upset on many aoocasions because of their behavior. her son is being checked for deafness, and when he hands his mum the remote control to turn up their tv as the people downstairs are drwoning out his programmes its a problem.
FWI kids ivited to my kids parties have a range of disabilities ranging from CP, ADHD and deafness. one of my cousins have ADHD and recently moved back to the area.

if my kids bahved badly and we wre served with one of these orders, then in the end we have broken the tenancy agreement and deserved to be moved.

MrsF - I didn't mean to cause offence with my remark about shipping nuisance neighbours off to an island - it was meant to illustrate my point that evicting people for the behaviour of their children is silly because it simply moves the problem to another area. (I also think it's a ridiculous policy for assylum seekers BTW)

What is needed, as Jimjams said, is a better, more robust social services system to help people with problems - preferably early on. Simply blaming and punishing the parents is pointless in most cases, especially as the parents may well be doing everything they can for the child/teenager concerned.

Missdee I hope that the SN kids and their parents in your family get the support they need before any major problems occur. But I have to disagree that you would deserve to be evicted if your kids behaved badly. These things are much more complicated than that.

I think part of the problem with ADHD is that the help- if any- comes far far too late, the saddest thing I found about the article was that the mother was the one who seemed to be losing the most- and for what? For being unable to control her son. Now some of that may have been down to poor parenting skills, but a lot of it will have been due to th ADHD. That family obviouly needed help years ago when he was small. Maybe then he would have grown up with some idea that actions have consequences etc.

Something that annoys me personally is when autism etc are seen as behaviour disorders. They are nor - they are developmental disorders. Given the sensory processing problems many of our children face its no surprise they behave the way they do.

I spotted and ASD boy when I took ds1 to the drs. The normal playroom was shut- and he went ape- just wouldn;t give up trying to get in. His mother tried to distract him but he was having none of it- he was outraged by the room being shut. He then started having a veyr autistic tantrum, baging his head on the wall. His parents had a weary resignation- which I also recognised as they tried to distract him with a thomas puzzle before they had to take him outside. On the way home dh asked if I'd spotted the auti kid.....

That's ok lucy- i'm a bit low at the moment- and i didn't 'read' it properly- i agree what jimjams said about help being needed earlier-this is why i'm pushing for my ds2 to be DX asperger's as i am very worried about him-also agree about the autism not being behavioural- this is why i've found it hard to get a formal assesment agreed for him as up to very recently he was fine at school - and all i heard was...he doesn't have any behaviour probs.....routines and 'black and white' thinking are not behaviours so they are ignored- whereas if a child pokes another with apencil then they are warned? I'm not making much sense- after months of keeping a diary and reporting every incident to my CPN or the paed/teachers etc... to finaly be listened to is actually 'disabling' in itself- i now feel sooo drained and that's why i think this thread affected me - I see much 'deeper' problems with ds2- he seems to be regresssing and i am scared-he's even developed a strange eye movement now which i assume is a TIC or the 'peripheral' vision i've read about- whereas DS1 has NOTHING apart from his 'odd puppetlike running' visible to anyone- I am aware that if this 'tic'gets worse he will 'look' odd and it's just not something i was prepared for- ds1 had his 'odd' ways from so young i new no different- but ds2 has 'deteriorated' since may/june so much that i am worried where he'll be in 6 months

what kind of experience do you mean mrs forgetful - how do we compare our children or their disabilities?

my daughter is partially deaf
my cousin has severe cerble paulsy, my eldest son has special needs as does my youngest son

do i pass yet

are my comments valid yet?

did i have to justify any of this at all .....and why?

if i offended you in my last post - tell me how i will try to explain my views more clearly.

i actually owke up this morning thinking about this.
tbh i dont think about kids abilities or disabilities much. to me they are kids. if i see a kids in shop i dont think 'oh just give him a smack' or 'is he austistic' i think 'well his a kid'. my dd's will have tantrums. i have had to put up with people staring at my dd1 and asking me if she was a burns victim. that hurts. my neice and nephew are just connor and beth, they are not 'different' i dont see them as different, they are good playmates for my daughters.
the situiation we are talking about in reality is this women being evictited for not controlling her son. and not getting the help she needs.
its not about us 'judging' people with SN