Asperger's Syndrome

[HelenEmjay]

My ds is 5 and after many many problems at school we went to see a child behavioral pychologist as advised this morning where after a very long discussion she said she and other people that have asessed our ds over the last few months feel that it is more than likely he will be diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome i dont know much about this other than its a form of autism - how bad is it? - how do i help him? i feel really sad for him, i dont know what im supposed to do from here

Hiya everyone, thankyou all so much for your support - i really REALLY appreciate it! after a night to sleep on all this (well, as much sleep as i can get with a 3 week old!!) we felt a little better and like you have all said with enough info you can deal with it all abit better so we are going to read and find out as much as we can about it all, we have ordered that tony attwood book and so we will study that from front to back!
My mum has just been round and says she thinks its ridiculous! she strongly feels they are all wrong and he is just fine - "he's a perfectly normal little boy" i know she doesnt mean to but i find it so frustrating! her and my step dad just sit there saying its bloody stupid - there's nothing wrong with him! i cant help but feel like all this is going to quickly escalate and we are going to have some really really stressful times coming our way

I had this same problem when my ds was first diagnosed with my step mum. It was obvious that ds wasn't 'normal' but no matter what, she always said how he was just fine, that he'll grow out of it, and even how it's because he's so intelligent he's acting up out of frustration. It was her way of reassuring me that everything was going to be O.K, but like yourself it drove me to despair. Maybe after you've read that book you might want to live it lying around on your mums coffee table

welcome to mumsnet, know what you mean about people saying they will be fine, we still hear this one far to often along with, well einstien didn't talk until he was 150, my three all have asd but grandparents have always insisted they would grow out of it, when my youngest was four and started to talk, they said you see we told you he would be fine.

Exactly macwoozy! thats exactly what my mum says - that he is just so very clever he isnt getting enough stimulation from school or anywhere so he is just frustrated! I can understand her need for denial - god knows id love to believe its not true - but surely if I can accept it then so can she?
onlypumpking - the Dr we saw yesterday compared apergers to einstein - she said they are quiet genius'!! - not knowing much about aspergers yet this makes me feel a little nervous as she said people with aspergers tend to be socialy reclusive and dont mix well with others they are so ahead of their years and so very clever that people dont understand them and they tend to keep themselves to themslves! i cant bear to think my ds will be a social recluse!! i cant bear the thought that he will be bullied because people dont understand him! i think its all so strange.

As with all children I think that a lot of it depends on personality. My ds might be ahead of his years with regards to knowledge of cars etc, but emotionally he is far behind his peers. My ds also certainly doesn't keep himself to himself, he's always in peoples faces, but if you mean on an emotional level, then yes he never reveals how he's feeling, although that could be down to his difficulty in expressing and understanding his emotions. But then he's only 5, so I can't begin to imagine what he'll be like as an adult.I also worry so very much about bullying, and especially more so the older he's becoming.

Im reaaly worried about bullying - especially since kids without problems are bullied all the time - anything that makes a child different, makes them more of a target for bullying, its so worrying, i hate thinking i wont be there at school to help him, it makes me want to be able to go where ever he goes and just protect him - but i cant do that

Hello
My ds (8) was flagged as having Aspergers tendencies last year...although i had had my supsicions long before. I guess he would be described as high functioning (atm!)
It was both a relief and a shock to me when someone finally starting saying it back...does that make sense? Deep down i guess up to that point there was still a bit of guilt that somehow i had done (or not done) something which made him this way....(so relief)...but also shock that 'omg...now i've got to get my head around this too...rather than thinking 'maybe'!'
Lol! i'm still working on that btw!
Re siblings...one of the main reasons which i was pretty much convinced in the end was that i had another baby when he was 5 and a half ...and i was absolutely astounded at the things she was doing that he never did (and at the time i never questioned).He never pointed ...but also he never looked to me to see my reaction to anything...i remember being shocked when my dd did this so early (sounds really silly now ). Also obsessions....(ahem )..trains...tracks....and wierd stuff ...stuff that i just thought was him being clever but was oddly clever (looking back)...and if i saw it again now alarm bells would be ringing!
I would recommend the Tony Attwood book...but i would recommend reading it in little chunks...i found it quite shocking and upsetting at times...especially some of the things which he mentions for the future which i can see little seeds of now.
i hope you feel a little better about it all now??It is a shock at first...and i know what you mean about the world seeming to have changed in an instant...i hope you find the board a support

Thanks troutpout, you have pretty much just written down exactly how i have been feeling!! about the relief and the shock together, i was thinking his behavior was because i was doing something wrong - i was only 20 when i had charlie and me and dp had only been together 6 months when we found out we were expecting him, we stood by each other and we are still together and enjoying all 3 of our monkey's but the first couple of years were hard for us and i got thinking his behavior was a result mine and Danny's youth and inexperince with kids and being a family - i know it sounds abit silly, but im sure you will understand when your child is haing problems you look for any cause/reason! I know it sounds selfish but the Dr saying that his problems are probably caused by Aspergers makes us feel like maybe its not our fault after all! but then, - that means accepting our son has aspergers - and so is going to have a tough time ahead of him, either way we cant win - any of us! I should look on the bright side though, there are many mothers and fathers who's children have brain tumours and are so sick they probably never make their 5th birthday - now that is terrible i cant bear the thought of how horrible that must be, if Charlie was found to have cancer and wouldnt live to be any older than 5 i would take aspergers any day over that!

Hi

My sam has Aspergers, he is 5 and got a dx in April.

There are basic things that all Aspergers have in common, but also their personality affetcs it too. So, My DS does have issues with social ability etc but his most demanding issue is his violence, we put this down to him being naturally short tempered but with the added hurdle of him not understanding WHY he shouldn't and now being in a routine.

Please remember your son won't change now he has a DX and for most Aspergers kids life is bright, many a Uni Professor has an Aspergers personality!

Try this website:

here

Thanks pcpp! i will go and read that site, am needing info on all this at the mo, the more i understand it all the better!

NAS

This is better for actual info; if you e-mail them they'll send you loads of useful booklets and fact sheets (National Autistic Society)

Hi HelenEmjay not read all this thread properly, but just wanted to say that a dx of AS will give you not only an explanation of your ds but also access to support, which sounds like you have struggled without for 5 years.

My dd aged 10 was dx at 7, it was obvious from a small baby she was very sensitive/difficult but wasn't until ds started developing socially etc we realised we had to address all the issues we had been blocking out.

It took my parents over 12 months to understand the extent of dd's difficulties, (we too had all the she's clever/hyper/active mind etc) but now they notice things and comment on inappropriate stuff dd does that I don't even notice after living with it day in day out.

Our children are vulnerable to bullying, dd thinks it is a normal part of school unfortunately,but with a dx and the right support you are in a much better position to tackle it.

Haven't read it all as it's been a long day(!!) My ds is just 5 and diagnosed at 3 with aspergers syndrome. he is in mainsteam school with 7.5 hr statement but they have not really supported him as I'd hoped. I'm a teacher of special needs and also has some training and experience in Aspergers's children so I kind of knew quite a bit but nothing prepared me for the day to day of living with it...

Sometimes I fell so low the only that keeps me going is my love for my two children... life with my ds can be very very tricky..

Love to share ideas...

my son has asbergers and is 7. It really is a challenge with social interaction but he is coping and we are coping. HOme is his safe haven where he can really relax and be himself and we support him each day as he faces sometimes challenging days at school. So far, the kids tend to be supportive of him and mostly kind. In fact, a parent came to me and told me that she just wanted me to know that her daughter was in my son's class and she told her over and over how so very nice my son was, just a little shy but a really nice boy. My son, runs around and around a big tree most recesses at school, thinking he tells me. one day it looked like lightening and a class mate went over and told him to be careful to move away from the tree if the storm started because they didn't want him to get hurt by ligtning if the tree was hit. We also put him around people like that who are kind and into things where we know he can succeed, such as we joined a chess club this year and he loves it. We tried football and that was not good as it was too fast, too loud and he was too dreamy and uncoordinated for it. take it one day at a time and take the success where you find them!

That's good advice, christie. My Sam is the opposite: he goes to a hyper-routined faith school and thrives there, it is at home where we are more un co-prdinated (Dh works shifts, I am studying and he has 2 younger brothers) that he cannot cope so well. He is amazing at some things- running for instance, and we were told he had an exceptional talent for football and Gym, but we couldn't get him to follow them through: he achieves things then gets bored unless it's his few select hobbies: lego, art, hoarding, Dr Who.

Sam is hard work. very. His frustratioon pushes him into regular, unpredictable and severe violence and destruction. But a friend has a child like Sam who is older and he learned to control this as he aged. But Sam is also exceptionally good company, intelligent, loving (in his own way) and very, very funny (albeit rarely intentionally).

Sometimes I read people saying they wouldn't take away threir child's sn because their child would change. I would, absolutely. But if someone could say go back and conceive the month before or after, I wouldn't. A well Sam would be fab; no Sam would be the utter end of the universe.