Feeling down

[fio2]

Just had the post today and dd has got a review with the development paed in a couple of weeks. He hasnt seen her for about a year. I just feel like I have been put on that emotional rollercoaster again. Im scared what hes going to say and to be honest I dont want to go ( I will though) I just feel so frightened about the future. I feel if its bad news I wont be able to cope. I love her so much and I just wish it wasnt happening to her. I keep thinking shes got some kind of rare syndrome or something. Her head still seems on the small side and I dont think it has grown much. I just dont want to go through any more tests or poking or proding. Im sorry I sound incredibly selfish but some days it just seems to pile on top of me. Yesterday I was fine, today Im a mess. Sorry for going on just needed to write it down. Please dont think bad of me

oh we have had something similar to that TC already and she talked and made noises all the time so they had to stop that...

I know dd is brilliant and I love her to bits but it just smacked me in the face with these two kids... dh said lovely things when he got home and I was a little down... dd's milestones are even more special to us as we know how damn hard she has worked to get there.... I just feel like shouting IT'S NOT FAIR!! on her behalf.

Thanks for letting me have a moan and a self pitying moment!!

other kids always do it to me as well eidsvold. Even watching ds2 can be quite painful at times. Dh came downstairs shocked today at how well he plays with trains. And today he bumped his head and was looking at me pointing to it and rubbing. And although it's lovely to see it most definitely is not fair, and I ache for ds1.

And other people's perfect kids of the same age are just too much to take really. Still say you're very brave going to those things. I either come out in tears or wanting to puch the other mothers.....

Jimjams - i think I was lucky that we had to shoot off to the hospital appt rather than staying around to chat... my hv is brilliant and I think the fact that I seemed to know more about vaccination etc - some of the things we were discussing - put the other mothers off wanting to chat to me - iyswim.

Since my 'lovely' mother and baby experiences - I usually do not go out of my way to be friendly - pleasant and cordial sure but not wanting to be their friends - think that also helps!!

This may sound like a strange idea but it is something I have done from time-to-time and that is to go to the appointments WITHOUT the child. I know this will depend on the particular condition/disability and I wouldn't do it for an annual appt but much of the time we go to appts, take our son out of school, spend ages waiting in inappropriate settings and then the Dr just talks to us. I've done it a few times, I've told the truth about why I haven't brought my son and the paed has been OK about it as I know him quite well and another time I just said that my son had a bad night but I didn't want to miss the appt at the last minutes. Consider it as an option anyway.
I'm finding it hard to go to baby clinic or other appts with my 5 mos old (today) baby girl as I feel awful reliving the previous times when they didn't pick anything up until we made total pests of ourselves. I just look at the HVs, midwives, nurses etc and think "you don't know what to look for......" although they're all personally very nice I just don't have any faith in them and think I know much more about disordered development than they do. It also brings back all those awful feelings that Flo2 has articulated.

Thanks tamum, jimjams and fio! We've been away all this week so have only just caught up with this thread. (Also dh wouldn't let me on the internet due to that virus!)

Don't know how long we'll be waiting for the results of this Retts test - they already did one for Angelmans which took two or three months to come back. My Mum (who's very negative at times) thinks that dd has quite a lot of features of Retts, but I'm not so sure. She hasn't regressed as such, she just hasn't got there in the first place (yet...) She does have very occasional 'absence' seizures, also does do a bit of breath holding and hand 'wringing', but not often. She was really bright today, lots of giggling at her sister and seemed to really enjoy herself. Here's hoping. Thinking of you too, Fio, hugs

Oh god caroline your Mum sounds like mine. Hope you had a nice holiday

well the paed appointment was supposed to be today but dh couldnt get the day off work(I cant cope with these things on my own at the moment) so I have had to rearrange for the middle of September. Then we had a message left on the answer phone would I please ring the doc back (arrghh) So I rang dh to ring him, I was in aright panic-why do I always think the worse? Aparently the paed was really impressed with her progress, he has been really happy with all her reports and thinks she is doing really well- I am totally gobsmacked, but happy Also they are doing a study on learning difficulties from some university and dds name has been put forward and he just wanted to warn us(dont know whether I could face that analysis!)

Glad you got some good, positive news Fio2.