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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Disappointing ADHD/SEND support at school

40 replies

Fairywings1 · 13/03/2026 15:08

My son is 8 years old in year 4, and was identified as SEND 2 years ago. For the last 2 years I feel he has had inadequate support. I had a parents teacher consultation, and was told he is where he needs to be for reading, and Maths but he is very behind when it comes to writing, and ‘big writes’ and he struggles to keep up with the pace of the class. I had asked teacher if he could get additional time to complete this work and was told, ‘if I don’t mind him missing his break or geography or history, not sure if he enjoys these lessons?’ Which was very disappointing attitude from SENCo teacher.

I had to push for him to join a small group intervention to help with his hand writing, which he has been attending since January, now I’ve just been told from his class teacher that he is going to be taken out of this group due to him not being where he needs to be and the other children are advancing and he is holding back their progress. I feel he needs this support more than ever and he’s just being kicked out of this group. I’m devastated for him that he just now has to struggle on on his own.

What is the point of identifying him as a SEND pupil if they are not supporting him where he desperately needs this help so he doesn’t fall further behind?

My son is shy and introverted and struggles to ask for help and my heart breaks that he has just been ejected from this group just because as he’s not progressing at the same pace as the other pupils.

The teacher and SENCo are aware I am going through a ADHD referral for him, as it is suspected he has attention deficit disorder, side as he tends to drift into his own world.

How can I get the school to work with me to support him, do I need to put a complaint in the the headteacher as I feel the SENCo teacher is not at all supportive. I’m very frustrated and want him to enjoy school not struggle on his own when he cannot keep up with the pace and workload.

Any advice please

OP posts:
ChasingMoreSleep · 13/03/2026 15:30

Rather than a parent teacher consultation, have you had a separate meeting with the SENCO? Usually the discussions required for SEN support are too in depth for a parent’s evening/parent teacher consultation. If requesting a separate meeting with the SENCO doesn’t work, speak to the HT. I would do this informally first. Then if that doesn’t would, complain. Remind the school they must make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN and they must make reasonable adjustments. Support in school is based on needs, not diagnosis.

If DS struggles with longer pieces of writing and handwriting, has he tried typing and assistive technology? What is he like dictating answers and someone scribing for him?

Has DS had an OT assessment? What about an ed psych assessment?

Other than the handwriting intervention group, what support has the school tried? If the handwriting group isn’t at DS’s level, ask the school what they intend to provide instead.

For the maths, do they offer any precision teaching? Have they tried pre-teaching new vocabulary? Have they tried using manipulatives? You shouldn’t have to, but sometimes making specific suggestions of what could be done rather than ‘just’ request more support in general, prompts the school to do more.

Consider requesting an EHCNA. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Fairywings1 · 13/03/2026 18:51

Thank you so much for your reply, I will definitely follow up with these suggestions which are so helpful. I have a SEND consultation in 2 weeks time so I will follow on from your advice and question them on these points. Im feeling the past two years they’ve almost blamed me for his struggles and made me feel like it is my fault he is struggling, which I feel terrible like a bad mum and almost like I’m being gas lit. I was spoken to so badly to by his past teacher because he was so far behind, he is the youngest in his whole year group, summer baby, but im worried about his confidence as I feel that there is literally no support given to him. When I tried to book the last SEND parent consultation they said there was no teacher assigned to him and this rings true to the lack of support. He went the whole day with no food as his class teacher kept him in to finish his long write over lunch and he had no time to eat, came home at 4.30 after club starving. I feel they are punishing his difficulties rather than trying to help him.
His teacher was helping him type up on pc and scribing which helped in the short term. But long term support seems lacking. I appreciate that support is based on needs rather then diagnosis this is very important, but I feel like when he is diagnosed they will have to help, and stop blaming me and making him feel like he’s not trying. It’s very hard to feel like your child is not made to feel like he is wonderful and important too just because he is not hitting these school attainments. But also he has a right to have this additional support, that they have said he needs. Is it all about money and just financing the school as why did they put him on the SEND register just to then let him down with lack of support?

OP posts:
ChasingMoreSleep · 13/03/2026 19:19

It isn’t your fault.

Sadly, some schools do blame the parents, and let’s be honest, they mean mothers. Unfortunately, for many, a diagnosis is doesn’t change this. A poor school will still be a poor school.

If school need more funding to provide the support, they should have applied for high needs top up funding and requested an EHCNA. Or at least suggested you make the request.

Fairywings1 · 13/03/2026 21:15

Thank you so much this really means more than you know. Also this school is supposedly a very good school, very good ofsted reports, which disappoints me more, as they are letting down my son. But I will bring forward the points you have made at our consultation. Thank you for your help and advice, much appreciated x

OP posts:
ChasingMoreSleep · 13/03/2026 22:55

Sadly, some schools judged to be good or outstanding are poor with SEN. Conversely, some schools judged to be inadequate are excellent for some DC with SEN.

SilverLining77 · 14/03/2026 07:44

'Also this school is supposedly a very good school, very good ofsted reports, which disappoints me more, as they are letting down my son. '

I'd consider whether this particular school puts more weight on achievement and results than support - considering the comments from staff you reported. In which case assessment and potential diagnosis will not change much for your son.

Needlenardlenoo · 14/03/2026 07:55

Bear in mind that just because a school is Ofsted Good/Outstanding doesn't mean it's "good with SEND". In fact the opposite may be the case because the metrics schools are judged on such as attendance and achievement are ones that it is harder for some SEND students to achieve. Keep advocating politely and persistently for your child, follow everything up by email and put in an EHCNA if things don't improve.

Tarkadaaaahling · 14/03/2026 08:42

Fairywings1 · 13/03/2026 18:51

Thank you so much for your reply, I will definitely follow up with these suggestions which are so helpful. I have a SEND consultation in 2 weeks time so I will follow on from your advice and question them on these points. Im feeling the past two years they’ve almost blamed me for his struggles and made me feel like it is my fault he is struggling, which I feel terrible like a bad mum and almost like I’m being gas lit. I was spoken to so badly to by his past teacher because he was so far behind, he is the youngest in his whole year group, summer baby, but im worried about his confidence as I feel that there is literally no support given to him. When I tried to book the last SEND parent consultation they said there was no teacher assigned to him and this rings true to the lack of support. He went the whole day with no food as his class teacher kept him in to finish his long write over lunch and he had no time to eat, came home at 4.30 after club starving. I feel they are punishing his difficulties rather than trying to help him.
His teacher was helping him type up on pc and scribing which helped in the short term. But long term support seems lacking. I appreciate that support is based on needs rather then diagnosis this is very important, but I feel like when he is diagnosed they will have to help, and stop blaming me and making him feel like he’s not trying. It’s very hard to feel like your child is not made to feel like he is wonderful and important too just because he is not hitting these school attainments. But also he has a right to have this additional support, that they have said he needs. Is it all about money and just financing the school as why did they put him on the SEND register just to then let him down with lack of support?

In the kindest way OP if he is struggling with long written pieces the only way to get better at this (and it's really common in boys this age) is to be doing it.
It sounds like you want him helped but want school to magic up a time slot for intervention for him that doesn't exist?
The school day is full - you want him to be given extra time to do his writing but how do you want school to do that if they are doing writing 11 - 12, it's then lunchtime and in the afternoon they are doing geography - are you ok with him missing out on the geography to carry on with the writing?

It sounds like the reason they've taken him out of that particular intervention group is that it wasn't helping him - it was helping the other children, who progressed, but it wasn't making enough difference for him. Have you talked to school about what his issues are with writing, is it a physical control thing of struggling with his hand aching, or is he struggling to come up with ideas? Is there any element of it that's partly that he doesn't like writing so is a bit unwilling to do it /he doesn't try very hard?

Also, what are you doing to help him at home. You have way more time available for extra help than school do in the already packed day, so when he gets in from school or after his tea are you getting him doing some writing?

ChasingMoreSleep · 14/03/2026 11:10

It isn’t completely correct to say the only way to get better at long written pieces is to do it. There are things that can help DC improve longer written work other than just practice at writing longer pieces. For example, assistive tech and narrative work.

Fairywings1 · 15/03/2026 07:13

SilverLining77 · 14/03/2026 07:44

'Also this school is supposedly a very good school, very good ofsted reports, which disappoints me more, as they are letting down my son. '

I'd consider whether this particular school puts more weight on achievement and results than support - considering the comments from staff you reported. In which case assessment and potential diagnosis will not change much for your son.

Yes my DS’s father has suggested this and I feel there could be some truth in this, the emphasis on the high achieving and outstanding ofsted results. Less support for children who aren’t progressing at the speed they would like.

OP posts:
Fairywings1 · 15/03/2026 07:42

Tarkadaaaahling · 14/03/2026 08:42

In the kindest way OP if he is struggling with long written pieces the only way to get better at this (and it's really common in boys this age) is to be doing it.
It sounds like you want him helped but want school to magic up a time slot for intervention for him that doesn't exist?
The school day is full - you want him to be given extra time to do his writing but how do you want school to do that if they are doing writing 11 - 12, it's then lunchtime and in the afternoon they are doing geography - are you ok with him missing out on the geography to carry on with the writing?

It sounds like the reason they've taken him out of that particular intervention group is that it wasn't helping him - it was helping the other children, who progressed, but it wasn't making enough difference for him. Have you talked to school about what his issues are with writing, is it a physical control thing of struggling with his hand aching, or is he struggling to come up with ideas? Is there any element of it that's partly that he doesn't like writing so is a bit unwilling to do it /he doesn't try very hard?

Also, what are you doing to help him at home. You have way more time available for extra help than school do in the already packed day, so when he gets in from school or after his tea are you getting him doing some writing?

Thank you for your response, we practice at home with his spellings, and I get him to write cards, or shopping lists. The teacher has said his writing is very difficult to read and understand, he gets letters muddled up and not the correct use of punctuation and capital letters, also he cannot keep up with the pace of the class. I thought potentially he might be dyslexic as well as ADHD but I would like to think a teacher would've spotted this. Whenever we try to practice at home he is resistant, not because of lack of effort but because I feel he struggles to keep his concentration for any length of time and he feels scrutiny towards his writing so is lacking in self confidence, so I do practice with him but try not to put too much pressure on him. With lots of positive reinforcement, he is very sensitive, and I think he is aware of the fact he isn’t inline with other pupils, and made to feel he isn’t trying hard enough and that’s why he isn’t achieving. As regards to missing geography or history he enjoys these classes so why should he miss out on these things? He is a lovely happy little boy, very empathetic and sensitive I don’t want him to feel like there is something wrong with him just because he struggles with this side. The 1hour writing in class surely could be adapted to his needs without causing disruption to the rest of the class? His teacher in year 3 was excellent, she adapted her teaching with him slightly, encouraging his ideas and assisting him getting them down on the page in a pro active way, she made him write without joined up writing which was holding him back getting his ideas down on paper, she also kept checking in on him to keep his focus and attention. He tends to focus on the neatness as the comments are always we can’t understand what he’s written. He is a SEN child I would like to see some support put in place for him rather then they wash their hands of him as he’s not progressing as the other children are in the intervention group. Otherwise what is the point of him being part of SEND if there is no support given to him ?

OP posts:
Fairywings1 · 15/03/2026 07:51

ChasingMoreSleep · 14/03/2026 11:10

It isn’t completely correct to say the only way to get better at long written pieces is to do it. There are things that can help DC improve longer written work other than just practice at writing longer pieces. For example, assistive tech and narrative work.

Thank you I’m going to look into these techniques and suggest them to the SENCo teacher, as I feel putting pressure on him at home to do big writes is not the way forward, if anything I feel it will push him further at disliking writing and it make it feel like a punishment for him.

OP posts:
Needlenardlenoo · 15/03/2026 07:55

https://www.whittington.nhs.uk/default.asp?c=46344 I thought this resource might help you. I am sorry to say this as a teacher but a lot of teachers have little training in this kind of thing and there is no-one more expert they can call on. You have to do a lot yourself. Although looking at this resource, my DD's school did do some of this and by 12 her writing was decent. Not at 8 though!

Fairywings1 · 15/03/2026 08:17

Needlenardlenoo · 15/03/2026 07:55

https://www.whittington.nhs.uk/default.asp?c=46344 I thought this resource might help you. I am sorry to say this as a teacher but a lot of teachers have little training in this kind of thing and there is no-one more expert they can call on. You have to do a lot yourself. Although looking at this resource, my DD's school did do some of this and by 12 her writing was decent. Not at 8 though!

Thank you this is very useful I will look at these techniques and see if we can use these to help my DS.

OP posts:
Tarkadaaaahling · 15/03/2026 12:40

Fairywings1 · 15/03/2026 07:42

Thank you for your response, we practice at home with his spellings, and I get him to write cards, or shopping lists. The teacher has said his writing is very difficult to read and understand, he gets letters muddled up and not the correct use of punctuation and capital letters, also he cannot keep up with the pace of the class. I thought potentially he might be dyslexic as well as ADHD but I would like to think a teacher would've spotted this. Whenever we try to practice at home he is resistant, not because of lack of effort but because I feel he struggles to keep his concentration for any length of time and he feels scrutiny towards his writing so is lacking in self confidence, so I do practice with him but try not to put too much pressure on him. With lots of positive reinforcement, he is very sensitive, and I think he is aware of the fact he isn’t inline with other pupils, and made to feel he isn’t trying hard enough and that’s why he isn’t achieving. As regards to missing geography or history he enjoys these classes so why should he miss out on these things? He is a lovely happy little boy, very empathetic and sensitive I don’t want him to feel like there is something wrong with him just because he struggles with this side. The 1hour writing in class surely could be adapted to his needs without causing disruption to the rest of the class? His teacher in year 3 was excellent, she adapted her teaching with him slightly, encouraging his ideas and assisting him getting them down on the page in a pro active way, she made him write without joined up writing which was holding him back getting his ideas down on paper, she also kept checking in on him to keep his focus and attention. He tends to focus on the neatness as the comments are always we can’t understand what he’s written. He is a SEN child I would like to see some support put in place for him rather then they wash their hands of him as he’s not progressing as the other children are in the intervention group. Otherwise what is the point of him being part of SEND if there is no support given to him ?

OP how is his reading? For a lot of kids writing doesn't improve until their reading really gets going, reading lots can help with spelling too. Does he read much or only what he has to, for school?

Can you try and come up with some writing ideas that would appeal to him more like writing about a favourite computer game like Minecraft, or a favourite sport if he's into football? Can he try writing a little match report?

I noticed you said when you try at home he's quite resistant - is he perhaps also resistant at school and that's not helping?

ChasingMoreSleep · 15/03/2026 12:48

Have you considered DCD?

Ilka1985 · 15/03/2026 16:47

That is very important evidence that your son didn't make progress in the handwriting group. In order for my son to move on from hsndwriting to typing as his normzl way of working, we and the school had to prove that he nade no progress through small group interventions. He also had an assessment by an OT, 2 years apart, that showed this. I would speak to school how they can facilitate typing or use of dictation (via scribe or technology). You could practice typing at home, and ideally the school should provide 1 or 2 hours/week of typing lessons.

Ilka1985 · 15/03/2026 17:01

Our school was luckily good at giving my son a good introduction to typing from year 1 onwards, in addition to handwriting classes. His typing skills took of to lightening speed via chatting to friends on discord or while playing Roblox. I'm not too keen on Roblox overall, but I'm grateful that his early Roblox addiction (when he was abot 6 to 8) did wonders for his writing and reading progress.

Fairywings1 · 15/03/2026 20:02

ChasingMoreSleep · 15/03/2026 12:48

Have you considered DCD?

Hello I hadn’t heard of this and when I researched it afew traits did actually ring true so yes that could be a possibility, I might contact my gp and ask for an assessment. Thank you for your input.

OP posts:
Fairywings1 · 15/03/2026 20:24

Ilka1985 · 15/03/2026 17:01

Our school was luckily good at giving my son a good introduction to typing from year 1 onwards, in addition to handwriting classes. His typing skills took of to lightening speed via chatting to friends on discord or while playing Roblox. I'm not too keen on Roblox overall, but I'm grateful that his early Roblox addiction (when he was abot 6 to 8) did wonders for his writing and reading progress.

Yes that is good your son’s school combined the additional handwriting practice and the typing. Our school has only done one at a time per term and minimally before stopping both, I don’t feel a chance has been given to either, but both combined together over a longer period could potentially see some progress.

OP posts:
Fairywings1 · 15/03/2026 20:32

Ilka1985 · 15/03/2026 16:47

That is very important evidence that your son didn't make progress in the handwriting group. In order for my son to move on from hsndwriting to typing as his normzl way of working, we and the school had to prove that he nade no progress through small group interventions. He also had an assessment by an OT, 2 years apart, that showed this. I would speak to school how they can facilitate typing or use of dictation (via scribe or technology). You could practice typing at home, and ideally the school should provide 1 or 2 hours/week of typing lessons.

Thank you for your input this is very helpful moving forward with my son as both small group intervention and the typing he did on computer at school, they were never done for a long period, maximum 3 months and also they weren’t practiced along side each other just separately so possibly why he didn’t improve. I will put these possibilities forward to the SENCo teacher and hopefully get something in place for my son, thank you for your advice.

OP posts:
Fairywings1 · 15/03/2026 20:48

Tarkadaaaahling · 15/03/2026 12:40

OP how is his reading? For a lot of kids writing doesn't improve until their reading really gets going, reading lots can help with spelling too. Does he read much or only what he has to, for school?

Can you try and come up with some writing ideas that would appeal to him more like writing about a favourite computer game like Minecraft, or a favourite sport if he's into football? Can he try writing a little match report?

I noticed you said when you try at home he's quite resistant - is he perhaps also resistant at school and that's not helping?

His reading is where it needs to be his teacher has said, he also enjoys reading and being read to. The resistance I feel is due to scrutiny of his writing (which is why I try praising him, even if it’s just for effort or concentration) I do feel there is something more underlying rather then him not practicing enough due to the past 2 years trying from me, maybe not quite the right approach from the school but definitely we need more support for him, or different techniques that work better for his abilities.

OP posts:
Ilka1985 · 15/03/2026 21:05

My son can't write because he has DCD. You could ask for a referral to an OT, either via your school or GP. Your school should refer. The act of writing by hand was so distracting and energy consuming that there was no brain capacity left to think. Also, the teachers couldn't read it. I had learned to decode it, but teacgers just gave him zero marks. I just wanted him to stop having to do any habdwriting as I didn't want him to lose his confidence. Since moving from handwriting to typing, he went, over a couple of years catching up, from 'emerging' to 'exceeding' in English and humanities.

Fairywings1 · 16/03/2026 13:42

Ilka1985 · 15/03/2026 21:05

My son can't write because he has DCD. You could ask for a referral to an OT, either via your school or GP. Your school should refer. The act of writing by hand was so distracting and energy consuming that there was no brain capacity left to think. Also, the teachers couldn't read it. I had learned to decode it, but teacgers just gave him zero marks. I just wanted him to stop having to do any habdwriting as I didn't want him to lose his confidence. Since moving from handwriting to typing, he went, over a couple of years catching up, from 'emerging' to 'exceeding' in English and humanities.

Hello thank you for your message I have looked up DCD as someone else also suggested it could be this. I’ve made an appointment with the gp for him, as this could be a possibility. He also suffers with concentration, is easily distracted, which is DCD trait, thanks for your input, and great to know your son is doing really well with the provisions put in place for him.

OP posts:
ChasingMoreSleep · 16/03/2026 14:35

Without an EHCP including it, 1-2hrs of a touch typing programme is highly unlikely at a state primary.