Unsure what's wrong with my DD

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

Sorry I was a bit unsure where to post this but I need a bit of help trying to work out what's going on with my DD.

She's about to turn 9, and has always struggled with maths. She can recite her times tables, but she just draws a blank with the complex maths questions.

Her handwriting is ok, but I can see she struggles more than the average child with writing.

Her reading is a year above her age and her vocabulary is pretty outstanding for her age. When it comes to science she's in her element and really clever, also she has an incredible knowledge of animals and the earth.

The real issue is putting pen to paper - getting what's in her head onto paper. She almost gets a block and gets anxious about getting it wrong. So she avoids it. It's the same with drawing. She's hyper-critical about herself and if she gets something wrong she'll cross it out, or throw it away and start again.

Her confidence is so low at the moment as her friends are all doing really well and she is struggling.

I've noticed she really struggles with anxiety at the moment especially when it comes to school which is worrying me. She relies quite a lot on fidget toys like slime/bracelets
to make her feel better. This has only really started since she began year 4 in Sept. My DD has always been a bit of a worrier but this has gone to the extreme. She's also struggling socially in big groups, she never had this problem before. If you met her she is the most chatty, friendly one out of the group which is really odd. No one would guess she has this stuff going on.

I'm encouraging and supportive but I have no clue what's going on here.

Her dad had dyslexia and an anxiety disorder - no idea what type as we're not together and I parent on my own. His parents just exacerbated the problem by taking him away from situations which stressed him out. But I'm doing the opposite.

We do a lot of outdoor stuff like walking and she does horse riding which makes her happy.

The school have recently put her on a one plan for maths. I'm just wondering if this might be something else? I don't know if it's hormones, she's fallen behind because of Covid or a SEN related problem? Any ideas.

Many thanks 🙏

We don't think it's ADHD, we think it's Dyslexia. This is what her dad and her grandfather have, so it's inherited and makes sense with her issues.

The school have said that without correct assessment they won't provide additional support. The government gives money for children who have SEN issues, and it looks like they won't action anything without the money in place.

She's on a one plan with basics goals and the TA is helping her but it's nowhere near what I think she probably needs.

I honest don't even know where to start 😬

That's not really quite accurate. The money's nominal - it's not ring-fenced for SEN.

The school have said that without correct assessment they won't provide additional support. The government gives money for children who have SEN issues, and it looks like they won't action anything without the money in place.

This isn’t how it works. A) the school does not get additional money just because they add a child to the SEN register. If the school think they do, they have fundamentally misunderstood how the notional SEN budget works. B) DD has SEN. A diagnosis is not required in order to be considered to have SEN. C) the school must, by law, make their best endeavours to meet a pupil’s SEN whether they have a diagnosis or not. To not do so leaves the school vulnerable to legal action.

You should request a meeting with the SENCO and also request an EHCNA.

I also wouldn’t rule out something else in addition to dyslexia.

What's a EHCNA?
Do you think she might have something else as well?

I did some work with my DD this evening just as a sort of test to see how she coped, it was just adding basic punctuation to sentences. I showed her once and she understood straight away and copied what I showed her. I totally baffled because on paper she is so bright! I'm not even sure if she is dyslexic or if she just struggles in the class size and doesn't like the pressure expected of her. When I do stuff at home with her, she seems fine..!

It's request to the local authority to assess your child for SEN. You may need to do it yourself, as the school doesn't sound tremendously clued up.

Ah ok thanks. Because they have told me I need to get her assessed first before any action can take place.

Is that easy to do? From what I've heard it's all a nightmare and takes ages. I just want to access the fastest route to get help for my DD.

We all want that!

Best thing might be to Google "local offer" plus your local authority name. That will bring up a list of local services and groups and you should be able to find other parents in a similar situation.

If the school is really unhelpful, have you looked at any others?

An EHCNA is the needs assessment you first request as part of the EHCP process. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. You do not need an assessment or diagnosis first. The process is governed by a statutory timescale of 20 weeks if you don’t have to appeal, sadly many do have to appeal. An EHCP is the only way of guaranteeing the support DD needs.

From your posts, I think DD would benefit from more than just a focus on dyslexia. Whether she has dyslexia, some other ND condition, anxiety or multiple conditions, she still requires further assessment and support. Being intelligent doesn’t rule any of them out.

Your DD sounds very like mine at similar ages.

She has dyslexia and ADHD (primarily inattentive). She was diagnosed with the dyslexia by an Ed Psych at 7, and with the ADHD at 14. The ADHD symptoms and behaviours were all there early on, but not causing significant problems until secondary when her anxiety started going through the roof.

Even though DD's dyslexia is quite severe, we've never had much day to day help from schools. She's very bright and has always achieved enough to not be of concern, plus is well behaved (at school) so sailed under the radar.

You will need to become the expert and put things in place a lot of the time - that's been our reality, especially with Covid in the mix during transition.

DD has major issues with perfectionism and fear of making mistakes - the ADHD meds seem to be helping a bit with this.

Main things that helped for us

• DD knowing the diagnoses and having bits of paper that tell her that she 'thinks differently' rather than having something wrong with her or being stupid.
• Getting a laptop and learning to touch type as early as possible. DD writes so much more and likes being able to edit things until she's happy.
• staff being aware of her SEN and not marking her on things like grammar or spelling and general positive reinforcement rather than anything negative.
• finding the things DD is really, really good at and focusing on those so she doesn't damage her self esteem.

The further we get in the education system, the better we are finding it. Post GCSE options are at the right level for her ability but she has the option to present work in more formats than just a written essay. The more tech savvy they are the better as there are so many aids and options now - pens that read for you, video presentations instead of an essay, laptops that read your work back to you etc etc.

I would start with an ed psych referral and ask GP to refer for ADHD (it's about 2 years for initial assessment on NHS so get that started now). 70% of kids with ADHD also have dyslexia or a similar SpLd.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow I teach a young man like that in year 13. He I doing so well! His dad mentioned that this was not the case at all in primary/year 7.

Oh crumbs this sounds just like my daughter. I spoke to the dyslexia association today and they said it sounds more like low level ADHD. Their advice was to not waste money on getting a dyslexia diagnosis but to go to the GP and get on the ADHD wait list for a diagnosis.

But she is exactly the same in terms of perfectionism and getting things wrong, she can handle it.

I think she would benefit from ADHD medication, but I'm unsure if the doctor would will prescribe it without a diagnosis.

I told her last night that we think she might have dyslexia and or ADHD and I could see the relief in her face. She seemed so happy to understand that she's not stupid and that there is a reason for why she feels this way. I this alone will help her anxiety.

She has so many great strengths in other areas. So we're focusing on those like you say 😊

The GP will not prescribe ADHD meds without a diagnosis and medication having already been titrated.

Just wondering if it's perhaps wise to get the ADHD diagnosis privately - will the GP accept this and give my DD medication then?

Waiting 2 years for a diagnosis is ridiculous!

The NHS, LAs and schools can’t refuse to accept a private assessment and any potential diagnosis just because it is private. The validity of any such assessment is less likely to be questioned if the assessment follows the NICE guidelines &/or you use someone who also works in the NHS. However, the GP may not agree to shared care for medication. Even if they do most won’t agree until the medication has been titrated. You should check with your GP before going down this route if affording ongoing private prescriptions would be an issue.

Ok, then I'll just wait and put her on the waiting list.

She doesn't have severe ADHD, so I think with some tweaking at home and at school it should already make a difference. Her attention with things like films, TV etc has always been amazing. But she has never been one to sit and draw or colour in. And home she won't sit and read and write for long periods of time. Her teacher says she is full focus when he talks and absorbs everything he says, but it's putting pen to paper is where she struggles.

We have an iMac currently. It's my daughters birthday soon, I'm wondering if I should get her a more kid friendly laptop of if the iMac is ok? She seems fine on it at the moment!

We used English Type Junior on a normal HP laptop to learn to touch type.

DD switched to using a laptop for everything in school in Y6, and then in Y7 she moved to an iPad with keyboard.

She has Office 365 and Grammarly installed, and finds it far better than a laptop and much lighter to carry around. Also worked out much cheaper.

You can photograph the board, graphs etc and use an epen to annotate.

Was also great when secondary moved to using apps for homework as they email you reminders and there's nothing to lose!

You may find school are reluctant to allow laptops - Primary were not at all happy for us to have one, but Y6 was lockdown so that solved that.

DD's Ed Psych report states things like that she should use a laptop, be sat at the front of the class etc, so while Secondary initially grumbled, I just sent her in on day one with it and that was that!

It's more for home use at the moment and then to move to a laptop for secondary. I'm feeling positive we now have an idea what's going on!

I would definitely speak to your GP about getting on the ADHD pathway though - and if you could go private ask if they'd accept shared care.

The single biggest improvement for DD that has literally been life changing for her has been starting the methylphenidate.

Teachers would not have pegged her as a 'definite ADHD child' - she's never had a detention in her life and has always had the ability to hyperfocus for hours when she's interested, but there was enough there that they were happy to do all the form filling, and there is a massive difference in her marks and happiness since she started on them.

It's almost like she grew up overnight in some ways. You do have to think of ADHD kids basically being 2-3 years behind their chronological age in terms of what they can realistically manage. So huge amounts of scaffolding are needed - do not assume they can pack their own school bag, or remember that they are supposed to be doing anything at a given time.

I still organise everything for DD, have all her email accounts on my Outlook as she'll forget to check them and I WhatsApp her a list of things to remember at least once a day. It's exhausting but less exhausting than picking up the pieces!