Autistic traits at 16 months but did not have autism?

[HopefulMother1]

Hello mothers. My son is displaying a number of autistic traits. He does not point, wave or imitate clapping (well, only once he did), he very occasionally flaps, does not respond to his name often (although he does if he knows I am calling him for something he wants), and his eye contact is not amazing (it is on his terms usually) although it has improved in the last month since I started getting down on the floor and playing with him. Despite all these traits, I am aware that I have been working full-time since he turned 8 months, he hasn't attended nursery, and so has little to no interaction with anyone, nor did I recognise the importance of modelling. I am not expressive in body language myself and so my son has only seen me point, clap and wave in the last month. He also has not said any real words although he will occasionally say "ma ma ma ma" or "da da da da". He does babble although nothing I understand and not in a conversational way (back and forth with me).

On the positive side, he seeks me out and pulls my face to look into his eyes if I haven't for a number of hours, he loves peek-a-boo, and is super fast at picking up any toys he has to learn. He also walked early at 8 months. He plays well with peers his age on the few occasions he has had a chance to (follows them around), and looks strangers in the eyes before usually coming to hide behind my legs if they talk to him.

Has anyone had a similar story and found that their toddler turned out to not be autistic? My son is due to start nursery in a few weeks so I am hoping this helps. Alternatively, has anyone had a similar story and managed to help their toddler develop to be fully functioning. If so, how?

You sounds like me a year ago! I used to say much the same, that my son was very inconsistent. He was also diagnosed with glue ear at 20 months but according to the SALT that won't have caused his delay with gesture use as even deaf children point, clap, wave etc. i would say in the last 4 months my sons understanding has really come on. However he isn't developing language typically, he can label lots, count and name colours but still can't ask me for a drink or something to eat. So again that's a sign of social challenges.

My son was referred to paediatrician at about same age. Didn’t turn to sound of name, played with radiator valves and hoovers, he examined them and took things apart when he could and did this for hours , poor eye contact, didn’t really seem to differentiate me from other people, slow end of development with walking etc.

The health visitor told me later that she had been “ really worried”. I was also. Things improved over time and he caught up.

He isn’t autistic. But, interestingly, his twin sister is. She is what used to be described as aspergers or “high functioning”. We had no concerns about her back then.

I know my DS isn’t autistic. He has no sensory issues, lots of friends, copes at school etc.

However, he does have stereotypically “autistic traits”.
He can speak to adults in a condescending way and correct them. He is very blunt and does not “do emotions” really, it is a real surprise if he shows affection or tells family members he loves them.

He is very intelligent and logical. Still takes things apart ! He memories facts - we had to stop him quoting statistics about the Spanish flu when we first went into lockdown as he was scaring his siblings. They were only 8 and he wasn’t concerned, just telling us bluntly how bad it could get and how many people might die!

He is very very good at maths. Our nickname for him sometimes is “Young Sheldon” 😄He has put the school IT system into lockdown twice and been banned from coding - he wants to be a computer programmer, he taught himself from books, and is working at GCSE level computer science. If he can’t get to a computer then he writes pages and pages of code by hand, it really is his special interest and he can become obsessed and has to be forced to go out with who friends and engage in sports and social activities.

I find it bizarre at times that he was the one we were worried about, whereas his sister masks and appears very social - but she is autistic and he isn’t. Do you have neurodivergent family members?

How interesting @DarkFruitz, and yes, I indeed have neurodivergent family members. That is what makes knowing so difficult. I have many "geniuses" in the family- scholars, publicly recognised....and almost all are oddballs. They all function well as in can socialise (people are fascinated by their intellect or warm to them as they are humorous), and they all absorb info at a rapid, rather extraordinary speed (i.e. photographic memories), but at the same time they are not very diplomatic, "blunt" as you put it, as well as antisocial at times in notable ways, and as a result the family is full of stories about these characters. I very much doubt they were typical as toddlers given they are far from so as adults. It does seem hereditary. Yet, I cannot know for sure with my son. In the last few weeks he has really started copying our words and actions, and seems to have no problem retaining information. I'm trying to work out if he is simply choosing to follow instructions as and when he wants to. I guess time will tell. I'll keep on working on his development, and am looking into a private SALT.

How interesting @DarkFruitz, and yes, I indeed have neurodivergent family members. That is what makes knowing so difficult. I have many "geniuses" in the family- scholars, publicly recognised....and almost all are oddballs. They all function well as in can socialise (people are fascinated by their intellect or warm to them as they are humorous), and they all absorb info at a rapid, rather extraordinary speed (i.e. photographic memories), but at the same time they are not very diplomatic, "blunt" as you put it, as well as antisocial at times in notable ways, and as a result the family is full of stories about these characters. I very much doubt they were typical as toddlers given they are far from so as adults. It does seem hereditary. Yet, I cannot know for sure with my son. In the last few weeks he has really started copying our words and actions, and seems to have no problem retaining information. I'm trying to work out if he is simply choosing to follow instructions as and when he wants to. I guess time will tell. I'll keep on working on his development, and am looking into a private SALT.

Hi @Justbecause19 . My son is 19 months and has now reached the stage you mentioned your son was at. He can label lots, repeats phrase and uses them appropriately, but rarely requests. He follows basic instructions like, "Let's go downstairs," but cannot answer "Do you want this?" He doesn't use the word "yes" and cannot say "I want..." Did your son eventually learn to request? How did you help him do so?

Hi @HopefulMother1 , really good news your some language is coming in so well at 19 months! DS is almost 3 and we are much in the same place, he knows so many words now and short phrases, colours, can count to 15 but still won't ask me for a drink/food. Have a look into Gestalt Language Processing, this is what I believe my DS is doing to acquire language. They believe the vast majority of autistic children learn language in this way. It's basically lots of scripting, echolalia and imitation. It can be hard to spot but it explains why they acquire language in a different way. @bohospeechie on Instagram has some great resources to explain

Thank you for the information @Justbecause19 . In all honesty, our son was not making remarkable progress until we went abroad on holiday. Even my husband noticed the difference (he has been a little dubious about it all from the beginning so this is saying something). My mother said there is a saying about a child returning smarter from abroad but I can't recall the quote verbatim unfortunately. I noticed a while ago someone posted something similar of their son on Mumsnet, but at the time paid it no mind. If only my my husband and I could afford to take frequent holidays! Thanks again x

@HopefulMother1 Hiya, just wondering how your little one is getting on? I remember reading your thread at the time and have been encouraged by the updates, sounds like he's been making great progress? X

Hi @Cluelessmum5 . My oh my what a difference a few months makes! My son can point and label hundreds of things - shapes, colours, fruit and veg, animals and much more. He knows his animal sounds, can count to 30 and recognise the numbers, knows the alphabet in upper case, can point to the right body parts when asked, and is great at requesting things when he wants them. He is stringing together 3 and 4 words, and coming along great! The only things he struggles with still is waving consistently (he'll only do this sometimes when we meet people or when we leave - maybe this is normal?), and his pronunciation needs work (again, normal maybe?). I'm no longer worried as I can see he is developing at such a rate. His receptive language has developed so much in the last few weeks. If I only had a peek into the future when I was in floods of tears worrying about my son some months back. He recently had a hearing test and they did confirm one ear to be blocked and mentioned glue ear. He is yet to have a follow up appointment for this. Having said all this, let me say here that his learning has not been conventional. At one point he used to repeat numerous times much of what I and my husband said, and I began to worry about echolalia and what that might mean. He also couldn't be told to or shown how to do something and do it then and there. He'd almost have to go away and process it. My husband urged me to not show him something with the expectation that he'd copy, but instead to keep repeating for him to simply absorb. I'd listen to him repeating stuff in his cot at night over and over and it would only worsen my fears. Then one day I came across a Pampers article on why kids might repeat things from the day in their cot at night. My husband was right it seems as the Pampers study indicated it was a form of downloading the info for later use. We would read to him everyday and he now absolutely loves books. Slowly he started putting things together for himself. I'd love to say it was a big bang moment, but the truth is it has been many months in the making this end. His teachers say he is one of the brightest they have seen, and he loves playing with the other kids in class (which I am thankful for because if he was anti-social like me that would be another worry!). I hope this update serves you well my friend.

@HopefulMother1 wow thank you so much for coming back to update, am really thrilled for your family. Putting 3 or 4 words together is particularly remarkable! I think 2 words together at 2 years old is the milestone so he's absolutely streets ahead!! I notice you'd said in a previous post about him not babbling 'conversationally' and this is something that has always been a worry of mine with my own child who is now 18 months old and has a few words, though he doesn't really babble and never has much. Certainly none of the back and forth baby babbling I had with my first child! Did yours just go from random babbling to words, can you remember? X

What a lovely update! So glad to hear he is getting on so well and that you’re less worried. A paediatrician who saw my son described him as a “step-developer” that rather than a consistent progress in development we would see nothing for months, and start worrying at how behind his peers he was, and then suddenly, bang, he had caught up and we weren’t worrying anymore. Maybe your son is similar. I have spent his life to date having periods of worry followed by periods of thinking all was well! xx

What I was meaning was that he might get “behind” again, but then catch up, so hopefully you won’t be so concerned if it happens again.

@Cluelessmum5 although it didn't feel like a big bang moment, yes, he absolutely did go from random babbling to words. I think the point at which he really did make that jump was when we went on holiday. It was like something just clicked. Also, I've realised from asking him questions like, "What did you say?" that what I thought was odd babble (it really did not sound conversational), actually meant something in his head. He just realised at some point the importance of intonation. When I really can't understand something said I will get down to his level and ask him to repeat what he said. He'll often then repeat what he said with a hint of frustration that mummy is not smart enough to understand his wonderful chatter, lol.

Thank you @SuperSue77 . I really wouldn't be surprised if my son is a "step-developer". Expect me back here in a few months panicked if that is the case (I'm laughing now but I'm not joking!).

Hi all. I wanted to give an update for all worried parents out there. My son is now 27 months old. He makes and maintains eye contact consistently; is extremely friendly with all including strangers, saying hello, stating his name, smiling and waving; he points as expected; knows complex shapes, colours, numbers up to 50, letters and phonics, animals and planets; his pronunciation and clarity of speech is fantastic; he understands humour, asking me what colour something is then when I answer correctly, giggling whilst saying it is a wrong colour; he enjoys following dance moves on a number of kids shows he has come across. He is doing absolutely everything and more that those in his class are doing. I just thank God that something clicked in him (which I still attribute to the holiday we went on last year). My advice would be to give your child time. Persist with all your teachings, but also understand as my husband rightly said at the time, he may not repeat or respond as expected today, but he is processing the info and it will eventually resonate (at least I pray this is the case for anyone going through that anxious, awful time we did when he was between 16 and 20 months). I'm happy to answer any questions if it helps anyone understand better what steps to take next.

Hi ☺️
Hope you don’t mind reading my anxious post about my 16 months little girl x . I am a FT mum to a wonderful DD of 16 months . The reason why I am seeking advice is that I am slightly worried about her milestones . I will try and make it as clear as possible. She started walking properly at 12 months and she currently has 25 understandable words under her belt . She is very good at imitating and following my point when I say “ look at something “ . She brings toys to me all the time and does pretend play ( feed Dollies , build stacks , pretend cleaning etc ) , she responds to her name ( when not watching the telly ) . She is a very good sleeper and very affectionate. From a social point of view she is a bit shy but runs after other kids when she seems them , she smiles at strangers etc . She is a very good sleeper and napper . Now to the point of this post . She is 16 months but not a good pointer . She points at her body parts , points at dogs , at kites in the sky , but DOESN’T point to request . She reaches with both hands when she wants something or comes towards me . I am aware it might mean ASD but I don’t know what to do about it or how to help her . Both GP and health visitor are not concerned and advised me to wait until 20 months .

others behaviours that worry me are the following : she still puts a lot of things like toys in her mouth and still refuses to feed herself but she is good with finger food .

ps that’s the pointing she did when she saw horses
many many thanks