Help! My Line-manager says I can have today to look after my sick son as a `one -off`

[time4me]

Right now I am feeling really upset as my 18 yr old severely disabled son is ill and I sent a text to my line manager apologising and asking if it would be possible to work from home today,so I can look after him.She replied that I can as a one off
Can I add that I very rarely take time off,maybe one or two days a year at the most.I dont think I am being unreasonable and I know I have the law on my side. Usually I get on with her OK,I dont want to fall out with her or create an atmosphere.
I think when I am feeling better and she is in a good mood I will have a chat with her and say it upset me and that I cannot work and worry about my son being ill or his school closed and I cannot arrange care,and I will take time off without pay if necessary.
She has told me in the past that she feels I should get a Carer and also why my dh can`t do it.He does his share by the way but he works too,only part-time.
My instinct it to adopt a softly softly approach,and point out that the law is on my side!

chocolatekimmy,thanks for that,very much .
I feel so sorry for all the mumsnetters in my position.I think the law needs to be tightened up,and be more specific.I do know what you mean about taking the p**s,and I can see things from the employers point of view.I suppose I am feeling hurt because I have had 1 and half a day in a year for looking after my disabled son when he has been ill and I don`t think that is unreasonable.I really do feel that working mums are a reliable lot and especially mums of disabled children-we have a lot to prove.
The goverment should wake upto this,although I think things are heaps better.

You are not a bit waffly,just a very kind hearted and practical person who has helped a lot-thanks you very much!

It was my understanding - and I dont know how far it extends to adult dependants - that you are entitled to unpaid leave for emergencies. That could cover a breakdown in care arrangements and that would involve a "usual care arrangement" not taking your son because he is unwell. If it is because he has a high temperature/contagious illness/D&V then it should cover for as long as that lasts because your usual arrangements wont cover it for you.

FWIW - I think you have done well to be paid in full for doing only a fraction of work from home when you manager could have made you take it as unpaid.

This is why people often just phone in as being sick themselves - its far less hassle and you still get paid.

That said - one of the best websites I have found for issues regarding employment rights regarding leave for dependants was the Equal Opportunities Commission (EOC) website. It explains things in understandable chunks and has alot of case references which make it easier to understand how it applies to you in your role.

Thank you Veni for your informative response.

Its a shame that the 'geniune' cases are the ones that sometimes/often are made to feel bad about taking time off.

We all know we should put our children and family first but sometimes the job/a manager makes you feel wrong for doing so.

Its a difficult thing to legislate though, its really there for a good reason but like everything is open to abuse and how many employers just put the people taking TOFD in with every other absentee. Absence is often high, people see it as a right and that doesnt' help either

Thanks Choc,I think I am too sensitive too

I think it is worth remembering that many people don't get any paid leave at all to care for sick children - even at the low levels (a day or two a year) that you have. My dh for example has to take either anuual leave or unpaid leave if he needs to look after our kids when they are ill. I can get away with it because my job is very flexible and frankly no-one will usually know if I am working at work or at home! - but I don't think I have any entitlement to paid leave for this purpose. A lot of people I know reserve annual leave for this kind of emergency. Or they lie and say they are ill.
btw agree with Caligula about the ridiculousness of time to make 'arrangements'.

Hi Elliot,thank you,that has given me food for thought.I think I am coming across as rather militant and I know my rights type.
I dont come into that category at all and was brought up with the idea Job comes before family.I think I need to focus more on my line-managers good points as in recent years she has surreptiously asked if such and such is convenient for me due to my son,whereas before she used to get angry if I explained the difficulties I was experiencing.I really do appreciate the kind comments or even the ones from an employer point of view or employee who does not have any rights whatsoever it seems.
I still think if an employer is sympathetic they will be rewarded in bucketloads of loyalty,but as some have pointed out,it is open to abuse.