My Son with possible ASD is being excluded at school -- HELP!

[SandFly80]

My son has been referred for a full assessment. He is four and has just started Reception. He has had a lovely time at Nursery so far and got speech and behaviour therapy to help deal with frustration and social situations. He is not violent, just very quiet and in his own world. We moved house to be near a (seemingly) great independent inclusive school. We shared all his reports and the school said they could support him and his target for the first term was to settle in.
His class teacher will now not have him in unless there is full-time 1:1 support. The school has not been able to arrange full time 1:1 and he is now only allowed in school 9 hours a week. He is just four, has gone through huge change with a house move, new city, new school etc. He loves going to school and he is not a violent child who hurts himself or others. His teacher says he can't come in because he is disruptive and "talks in a high squealing voice at times" and she can't care for and teach the other children while he is there. None of these were issues at his Nursery which he attended full time without any extra support.
To make matters worse my elder child is at the same school. She cries when she sees her brother is not allowed in school/lunch times/PE etc while her friend's siblings are. And my son cries when he drops off his sister and can't understand why he can't be allowed to go to his class.
Please please help us here. My family is going through our worst, most stressful period ever. This is a fee paying independent school that is putting us through this hell. A statement, if he gets one, is atleast 4 months away at best, we;ve been told. Till then we can't look at moving him to an ASD special school.
Any advice on what we can do in the meantime?

My advice for what it's worth

1- Move him from this school, they don't want him and don't intend to support him so focus your energy into helping your son in a school that will rather than fighting with his current school

2- It is perfectly possible to get an EHC plan for your son I strongly disagree that he has to have severe behaviour/developmental problems in order to get one IME.

3- Contact IPSEA for advice

I agree with everyone else - this is not the best school for your child - they are failing him. Contact your local state primary and see what provision they have. I think you'll be very pleasantly surprised.

This current situation is horrible for all of you and you should stop it before it affects your son's confidence, if it hasn't already, as well as your daughter's.

Again would agree with Lougle needs don't have to be as severe as quoted and behaviour doesn't have to be challenging. Dd got her statement at three she has never misbehaved in her life.She got a stupidly high EYFS score (I think just 8 off maximum possible even with a statement) and at 12 she is in the top 10% ability wise in her huge 2000 pupil secondary,she still has a TA supporting her for the majority of the time.
Contact IPSEA or SOSSEN save the £600 effectively being wasted on support in a school that doesn't want him and use it for independent assessments by an ed psych, SALT and OT even better make sure they are able to be expert witnesses use these reports and IPSEA or SOSSEN to secure your EHCP and get ds a school able and willing to support his needs.
Can your son go back to nursery where he was happy and supported?

It is perfectly possible to get an EHC plan

This really is county dependent. In my current county they are only given for placement in specialist settings (RB & SS). MS children are given additional funding over 6K through a matrix system. The entire system would be inaccessible from a Prep.

Some counties may be worse than others but I don't think it's helpful (or factual) to tell a poster she won't get a EHC plan and have that poster go away thinking it's not worth trying.

it might well be possible to get an EHCP, but from the needs OP is describing and the processes that the school have carried out so far, it will probably be at tribunal. I don't see that telling OP to go down that route is in her best interests at this point, when the pragmatic thing to do would be to move him to a school that is willing to work with him and capable of doing so, in which case it will soon become clear whether an EHCP is actually needed and then it will be provided with the school supporting, instead of advising OP to spend 1000s on solicitors taking a LA to court for an EHCP to prop up a school place which, we all agree, is probably toxic. No?

I don't think anyone is saying to go to tribunal! I just think it's a process that exists to support children with SEN and people suggesting that to get a statement, a 4 yo has to be communicating at 12mo level is playing right into the hands of those who would stop parents asserting their right to assessment.

Straight away, I would say that a child who 'swats' other children is a child in need of close supervision. I would not want my child 'swatted' by another child. It isn't appropriate behaviour and an adult is needed to mediate those situations.

High pitched vocal stimming suggests the child isn't coping in the environment. The fact that he can be focused with 1:1 support suggests that he needs adult support to engage with his environment.

I agree that he could do better in a supportive MS school, but it's obvious he will require significant support and if he needs such support in YR R then it's likely he'll need more as work is more formalised because although the structure will help, the amount of sitting and concentrating will increase. Also, with significant S&L delay, accessing learning will be difficult.

My reasoning behind independent reports is that OP will get a far more accurate assessment of her child's needs than she would by relying on the reports from professionals employed by the LEA. If they are expert witness professionals then if it is needed she could use those reports at Tribunal and so it would save assessments twice over which isn't recommended and doubles the expense. However it makes it far easier to argue need if you have the reports when applying.

Thank you for all your contributions. It has really helped us with the situation. So far we have decided to ask for a meeting with the Headmaster, SENCo, and Head of Year. Certain things that were handed over from his Nursery like a visual timetable and a box of toys that are preference have not been implemented by the school. Also his timetable has been played around with quite a bit.
We will lay our concerns on the table and see what they have to say.
I don't go in with much hope. With our son we always maintained that we will only have him in a school that really wants him and with this school it looks like they're only collecting enough arsenal to ask us to leave in a few more weeks. I will not have my child in such an environment. Yes, it is toxic indeed.
One step at a time. We will have this one meeting before making a final decision. A lot of change has come into the children's life lately and we can't move schools again without knowing that we tried our best.

'varies from LEA to LEA but in my experience for school starters (I'm sure others will have had different experiences);

Learning and Cognition- at least 3-4 years 'behind' e.g. a 4yo at 12mo goals.'

Good grief!!! OP - the law does not vary from one LA to the next and to set barriers like this to receiving an EHCP is illegal.

'This really is county dependent. In my current county they are only given for placement in specialist settings (RB & SS). MS children are given additional funding over 6K through a matrix system. The entire system would be inaccessible from a Prep.'

As a blanket policy that is illegal.

And I have seen (admittedly rare) EHCPs with no funding at all attached to them.

Thank you for pointing us in the direction of IPSEA. We have now been made aware that our son's exclusion is illegal. However, it is also the most common type of exclusion SEN children are subjected to and many parents. like us, being unaware of the law and our child's rights, are shamed/bullied into complying.
I am attaching an exclusion support sheet for anyone who might need the information which we have found very useful.

Glad you've found IPSEA OP. They are brilliant.

I cannot paste the actual document on here but this is the link to the Exclusion Support Page: www.ipsea.org.uk/what-you-need-to-know/exclusion-from-school/exclusion-support-sheets
While I hope that no parent ever needs this, it's proven to be very useful