Dyspraxic/ASD teen, all gone wrong half way through his GCSE's and I don't know how to help.

[MrSlant]

I haven't posted in here for a long time. I was in a group of lovely posters whilst we quietly wept with fear before our dc's started secondary school but after the first year he settled in and I felt a fraud hanging out here when he was doing so well. Really, really well actually and I think this is the problem! He has a gift for science, the headmaster described him as a 'high flyer' and he had plans to study some amazing topics at university supported by the school and made GCSE choices to give him the opportunity to follow this dream.

Cut to results day half way through his GCSE's, it isn't really a surprise as the end of year report had already explicitly pointed out how poorly he was doing. He has done OK in science but not brilliantly but he has failed everything else and it doesn't look like he stands a chance of passing maths when it comes to it and he needs it at A level to any of his subjects at uni. Until the end of this term there was no indication that he wasn't doing as well as always, his report sounded like one for a different child but it isn't. It looks like all the SEN staff have gone off long term sick and there is no one keeping an eye on him (he is school action plus). For his first set of GCSE's there wasn't even a laptop for him (and he wouldn't say anything, the exam paper was put in front of him and he just wrote, it would never cross his mind to challenge something like that).

So what to do? I have a very bright boy trapped behind the wall of dyspraxia, he can't get his clever thoughts out onto paper and he just hasn't got the organisational skills for the independence they are expecting of him at this level. Who do I go to, what do I say? Until a few weeks ago I was expecting him to be applying to Uni in a couple of years and at the moment it doesn't look like he will get into 6th form in 12 months. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a well with no ladder. I've failed my beautiful intelligent son and I have to work out how to support him to do as well as he can.

He has a lovely (nerdy, hard working) bunch of friends by the way, there is no bad behaviour, drinking/drugs going on. For someone with dyspraxia he is turning into quite an athlete, anything involving going fast in basically a straight like is his strong point! Don't ask him to catch anything or he will do himself damage.

OP we have a remarkably similar situation with ds2 who's about to go into Y11

He has ASD and dyspraxia and despite my worries beforehand, the transition to secondary seemed to be flawless. He settled in very well, had a group of like-minded geeky friends and seemed to be happy. Y7-9 all went well - he was in the top maths and science sets, is always extremely well-behaved but it all started going downhill in Y10

He's still doing well in the sciences, although problems with the 6 mark questions mean he's looking at As rather than A*s, he's flying in computer science (no surprise there). However any subject requiring extended writing is a disaster zone. He has a laptop which helps to an extent but he suffers from a two-fold problem. The years of avoiding writing tasks whenever possible have left him with a legacy of essentially just being able to answer questions in bullet points, that together with his inflexibility means he's utterly convinced he's answered the question and that no further expansion is required. His English CAs have been awful not helped by him refusing to plan them beforehand.

His school have not been at all proactive and I ended up having to be very firm at his annual review. He's now dropped Spanish and will be using those lesson slots for literacy support (although considering the person providing the support spells 'definitely' as 'defiantly' I'm not holding out much hope ...) and he's having 1-1 maths support after school (despite being level 8 at the end of Y7 he's apparently made no progress at all and refuses to show his workings out)

Tbh I'm not looking forward to the next year. Although he doesn't actively misbehave he's very good at passive resistance and getting him to cooperate when he doesn't want to is tricky (I share your pain with the teeth-brushing and general hygiene issues ...)

OP I agree with Iguana that explicitly blaming the school is likely to get their backs up.

I'd go with "I'm really concerned that DS is struggling ... I'm aware the SENCO support has not been around .... what can we all do to provide proper support" that kind of thing.

Iguana I promise I won't be like that. I am a complete wuss, I will be tail between my legs 'what can we do together to work this out' but in my head I will be all warrior princess his father is a teacher so I can't be mean to them really! I have just felt really cross that until the report came at the end of term no one had told us there was a problem when patently there is one. It was like falling through a hole reading it, he's always had great reports before and it would have given us more time to sort things out for over the holidays. Getting backs up won't help him at all though it has to be a joint effort.

Looking at old papers would be a really good idea, he will have lost marks for handwriting (his hands get sore very quickly and he struggles holding the pen well) and for rushing and for not reading the question properly and not checking his decimals... his actual maths was very good until recently so I am inclined to think it is organisation not just the maths. I think he would benefit greatly from going down a set where they go a bit slower maybe?

maybe we can cling together for support and hints on how to stop their teeth going green? They sound so similar, particularly the 'This is perfect I need to do no more' attitude to the papers. He was convinced he'd done brilliantly and ended up with a D. School have now put him in for the lower tier paper, frustrating beyond belief and I imagine he was supposed to tell me this but didn't. Grrrr!

Obs2015 I'll start planning out the email. Bullet points because as you can see I struggle to write things concisely

He wants to be a chemical engineer or a physicist of some sort noblegiraffe then possibly engineering or computer science, all areas where a high level of maths is required. I think with the right help and support he can do it, he has the right shaped brain for maths he's just got snagged up on something on the way.

Thank you everyone for replying, it's amazing to have such support. Plus the gentle reminder to be nice to the teachers

Oh absolutely be nice, but don't allow yourself to be fobbed off either. The lack of SENCO is the school's problem, not yours.

So what do you want?
Extra time for completing/redoing controlled assessments (possibly INSET days or lunch/after school)
Copies of all scripts ordered from exam board for exams sat in June so you can see what wentwell/didn't.
Going over internal exams.
Resitting any poor modules in January
Reassessment for extra time/rest breaks
A mentor to support with organisation/deadlines/sixth form applications, who will liaise with you
Removal from unnecessary subjects to concentrate on maths/English?

That's ok then

I'm sure they will work hard with you.

Do not allow him to be moved to a lower maths group if it means he may end up entered for foundation.

If possible, hire a maths tutor to boost his maths.

I'm not sure what I want/need! Magic wand to make him less disorganised and able to complete tasks?

I would like a mentor for him who can liaise with him weekly (?) and I can speak to every so often so I know where we are.

I've already had him removed from Welsh literature and I am hoping he can stop the normally compulsory RE because an extra written subject is useless to him at the moment. I think Welsh language is compulsory across Wales not just in his school.

Need to get onto the engineering coursework as a massive priority, lunchtime to cover this I would hope but how do you make a teenage boy actually do this?

Re-test for extra time in exams/remind them of extra time for slow writing from consultant.

I didn't know I could ask for copies of the script from exams. That would be massively useful, it was such a surprise he got a D because his comprehension has always tested very high.

He is already down to resit everything that was poor from the last set of exams apart from the one which was already a re-sit, I'm presuming you only get one go again?

Maths tutor. Speak to school or try and find one myself?

I didn't know what I wanted or needed but it turns out with the right prompting I can work it out! noblegiraffe, you must be an excellent teacher. I can't thank you enough for spending the time to help me.

WOW, when you look online there are maths tutors for £100 an hour. If that guaranteed him understanding maths again I would pay it in a shot! I was good at maths/physics and suddenly got confused when I was in 6th form but I've found it again as an adult and find it so satisfying . I would do anything for him to find that happy place with numbers again.

Yeah... Some of them will be random people with maths A level. Ask at school if they have any recommendations.

Another child failed by the Welsh education system as it faffs about. I am not an expert in that system but I have been looking at the attainment stats in a professional capacity of late and they make me cross. Anyway, moving on, I suggest:

1. Appointment with the HT (in the absence of a SENCO)
2. Assessment with an educational psychologist, if he hasn't been formally assessed already. Ed Psych will be able to make recommendations as to next steps. £400, you can organise and pay for this yourself, it will be the best money you ever spend. School will be legally obliged to follow recommendations from this point (unless they can make a strong case not to, which they won't).
3. Do not let him take any exams early.
4. He probably doesn't need tutoring as such, just someone sitting by him while he completes his homework, helping him become more organised. The goal is to get him working independently. Eventually.

and

1. Going through revision books with him and seeing if he has any gaps in knowledge is always a good plan, if you have the time.

Extrinsic motivation can be helpful for dyspraxic kids in certain circumstances, for example if his attendance and homework submission are 100% perfect you can take him for a grand day out somewhere he chooses, at half term or in the Christmas holidays. He can perfectly well control his school attendance and homework submission if he wants to, at that age.

What NobleGiraffe says about avoiding foundation levels is important. Tell the school you will not tolerate this.

Most home tutors are shit, frankly. It is unregulated and a shocking indictment of the free market in education. I would avoid them.

PS If you must get a home tutor only accept someone with a PGCE otherwise they won't have a hope in hell's chance of teaching a bright kid with SEN properly.

Yes you can request copies of scripts from the exam board, the deadline is 4th October. It does cost though, about £12 per paper. I'd hope the school would pay for this. Tbh, I'd want to see his science papers as well as his English ones, just for comparison.

Re tutoring: I have known some tutors to work miracles, so it is worth considering, especially as your DS is bright, but something has gone wrong. A tutor can actually spend 1-1 time with your DS trying to figure this out, where a teacher doesn't have the time. But definitely go for a qualified teacher, and for one that comes recommended by the school or someone you know. If your DS doesn't get on with them, you can always try someone else.

If he wants to do engineering or comp sci, then you need to throw everything at his maths. If he fails his GCSE (as currently predicted), then he may not be allowed onto level 3 engineering BTECs, or A-level computing. If he wants to do A-level maths, then this is only really realistic with an A at GCSE.

Ask regarding using laptop for writing heavy subjects?

DD used one for English Lang, English lit, History (until she dropped it), and all written CAs.
Didn't use one for maths, science, MFL papers

Helps with a) handwriting but also b) answer structuring as they can go and add bits in or rearrange stuff.

Re maths tutor ask school or enquire from friends - you'd be surprised how many people do actually know one who has used one.
I used one for ds1 (Aspergers) for year 6, pre SATs because he was sobbing And wanted to die. £25 per hour in Surrey. So was shocked to see your £100 in Wales!! Only needed 6 sessions - best £150 ( yes it seems like a lot, but it's not really when you consider other costs!!) I ever spent.
Because she knew about his ASD she was highly effective in boosting his confidence.

He didn't like her. He prefers me going through it with him - I do accounts. Funny that!! I Like maths too - weirdo!! - you can never give him anything better than your time.

Thank you all for your help, I have emailed the school with a list of my demands how I would like things to go and the need for a meeting as soon as possible. Also kept it non-combative but firm and clear I will be doing as much to help as possible too. I will phone tomorrow to make sure someone has had it. They keep things close to their chests though, only allowed the email for the office so can't even CC in the HT.

Obs I am looking forward to spending the time with him! He's a lovely boy just slow to get going, when we have a meal he will sit down and look at it, get up again and wander round the kitchen making himself a glass of iced water (all he likes to drink) by the time he is happy with it everyone else has usually finished. It's like turning a giant ship round sometimes!

thanksflowersthanksflowersthanks

First day of children into the school and his new head of year has called me, meeting early next week. He's already taken action on a lot of points on the list and is going to meet DS1 later today.

So thank you very much intelligent, helpful people of MN, thank you for taking your time to give me the words to say and the courage that I was right to say them. Sleeves rolled up and away we go, fingers crossed I get through the next 9 months in one piece and with a son who doesn't hate me and is tooled up with exam results that reflect his ability.

I give in, first I post that on the wrong thread then when I C&P I forget the emoticons don't come through. I am a bit over excited at the teachers taking me seriously .

That should have read;

Good news. y11 is a long slog when you've a child who needs assistance, but hopefully it will be worth it in the end.

First awesome news, he will take his exams in a separate room and be allowed unlimited breaks to stretch his fingers and body when they cramp up and writing gets hard (laptop for most subjects but not maths/science). I am getting a crush on his new head of year, he has a lovely voice and is so helpful

Brilliant news. I know it's not easy at first to ask for what your child is entitled to, but it does become easier and almost second nature. Think iron fist in a velvet glove.

Wishing you all the best for the new academic year

I just wanted to come one and say thank-you, thank-you, thank-you from the bottom of my heart to all the people who took so much time to post on this thread last year. I listened to every one of you and have worked with school to give him the best chance of success and he has worked a lot harder too. So pat on the back to all of you and a share in the 2A's, 4B's and 2C's my boy just got in his GCSE's. He got a B in maths crucially so can do the A levels he wants (aspirations for uni have been downgraded to a much more achievable level) and he has passed English which is obviously so important. So thank you, for your words and time and experience.