Please talk to me about dd1(3.7) and ASD/Aspergers

[DragonsDoHiccup]

I've talked to her preschool, HV, And now seen the GP and not really got anywhere.

I get the impression they think I am being over anxious and just an incompetent parent. This is not helped by the fact that I do, indeed have a history of mental health problems -EDs, depression, self harm, and more recently, anxiety.

I really think there is "something" and I want her "labelled" before she starts school in September as I think she is going yo really struggle unless they give us an awful lot of leeway with settling in and stuff.

But preschool (which she attends very erratically due to mostly fuck knows reasons - but helped now by goin in later to avoid the playground crush etc) say she is fine. And on the days I can get her willingly there yes she is. But if I've forced her then afterwards she is wired, aggressive, doesn't sleep...

An example - please tell me if this is normal 3yo behaviour. She had a birthday party to go to at the weekend. This is very rare as she doesn't play with other children yet so doesn't really get invites.
She was very happy and excited to go. Got eagerly out of the car and walked happily yo the venue. Then refused point blank to go in the doors, screaming, crying, kicking. So we backed off. Looked through the window, talked about all we could see etc. still wouldn't go in. We spent nearly an hour looking happily through the window for her to kick off any time we went near the door. So I took her home.

Is that normal?

I haven't been able to potty train her. She won't walk anywhere she has to pass people on the pavements. She's obsessed with dinosaurs and space exploration. I can't get her to dress/undress herself. She won't draw or try to write. She has a very limited wardrobe that she will wear and kicks off at the suggestion of dressing up.

What do I do?

The gp may want to wait until school to see what behaviours the reception teacher picks up on. This will help rule put "parenting" problems.

The next party your dd is invited to get there early. Before loads of kids arrive. This will help your dd desensitize to the noise as she should be able to cope better if it builds up around her. Otherwise, as you discovered, the noise becomes like a physical barrier to her.

I think the difference between aspergers and high functioning autism is mainly that aspergers has no speech delay, but can come with some physical difficulties. But I believe the Americans now don't distinguish between them.

She doesn't hand flap or walk on top toes. She used to spin, but that has stopped and now just nail bites. She also makes eye contact although it tends to slide.

She's actually got another party this weekend and I was considering cancelling, but might just try going early instead - good idea thank you! X

Sleep can be difficult. She mostly sleeps through now in my bed, but won't sleep without a battle and only seems to need 10-10.5 hours unless I'll.

I have her on a multi vitamin with omega 3. She gets offered home cooked meals every evening, some variety of sandwich plus fruit for lunch, and healthy snacks. She still breastfeeds as well (although I've been trying to wean her for 18 months now!) so gets a good supplement that way as well.

The school I have down for first choice is a lovely one firm entry with forest school and a gentle atmosphere. I doubt we will get it though as it's further away. Our closest school though is also good but busier and 2 form entry, so that's #2

Italiangreyhound - My ds1 was dx'ed with HFA and ds2 with AS. I was told that the difference was because of language development. Ds1 started to use single words at 3yrs old. Ds2 was 2yrs old, so technically still within a normal range.

It's a bit of a grey area though because ds2 still needed SALT as his words were mainly the names of numbers, colours and shapes. These days his medical records just refer to him as having autism rather than AS.

The forest school sounds lovely, OP, but you might be better off with a school with more experience with children with SEN. The school I work in is very inclusive and we also have a specialist S&L centre, so a high number of children with statements.

I don't think I've read of any situation on here where a parent of a pre-school child is worried how their DC will cope in Reception without thinking, "Oh, yes, we've had that!"

They have dropped the HFA and AS diagnoses now from the US and international manuals, it is all simply autism.

Just a suggestion (from a p1 teacher with 26 years experience-not a parent) but you mentioned sensitivity to noise and I've seen this a lot in little ones with ASD and to me it makes sense. Think how you feel when trying to complete a task that's tricky and someone is talking/asking questions etc. You can't cope with the chatter/intrusion -even though It's maybe not very noisy-but it's just enough to tip you over because it's taking all your effort to do one thing & any noise us "too noisy". I think that's how ASD kids can be -and they may say "it's too noisy" meaning "it's an extra stimulus I can't deal with". I have used ear defenders/headphones quite successfully with some kids. Some are sensitive to the feel of them but a lot quite like the sensation of being "distant"?
I'd also day get as much underway as far as referrals are concerned before school. The system in school is ponderous!! It takes years -and with no exaggeration an enormous paper trail of "show what you've tried and the proof that it didn't work". It's no longer a case for a teacher (or parent) to "know" that there's an issue. You have to show how you know and show that you can't fix it by using "reasonable adjustments and relevant purposeful measures" over a period of time. In most case at least 18 months. Possibly more like 3 years! Sorry for the garbled thoughts! Dodgy kindle, drippy cold and tired eyes!!!

DragonsDoHiccup (great name by the way) how is it going?

turdfairynomore interesting thoughts. My friend's son has some issues and he wears a hoodie, when he came I assume, and it helps to block out over stimulation.

coppertop thanks. I am a bit confused as the autistic spectrum seems to be so broad. School have suggested my dd may be on it but I am really not sure. Part of me wants to get her 'tested' to see but I am nervous about getting her labelled. She has dyslexia and they were reluctant to label her with that until she was 8 but I think I knew she had it from age 6. When I was told it just felt totally right that that was the case. But with autism I am just not sure. there seem to be so many areas where she is not typical' to me. Can I ask where I may find a really comprehensive list of what it means to be on the Autistic spectrum, please? Thanks again. I don't want to hijack this thread so have started one to ask about this at

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_educational_needs/2306866-A-really-comprehensive-list-of-what-it-means-to-be-on-the-Autistic-spectrum

Both choice #1 and 2 schools were very confident about assessing and supporting ASD. Choice 3 were a bit less so -so hopefully although it's a small school they should be able to provide SEN support.

Thanks for asking ItalienGreyhound. Today has been interesting. She suddenly became scared of soft play having never been scared of it before. And it wasn't even busy! I get frustrated as it limits my life, and limits dd2 as well. There are toddler groups we can't go to as they play music throughout which sets her off. She can't really cope with shops in town. Days out at an attraction invariably end in melt down so we don't bother any more... Aargh! And it looks like I will need to buy duplicate pyjamas as well - she's refusing all pairs except her favourite which are in the wash - I should have seen this coming as I knew she was reluctant to wear the other pairs....

I've been meaning to get her a set of ear defenders for ages. Any recommendations?

Thinking of you Dragons.

Don't meant to bang on about this, OP, but any school that wants a full Reception class will tell you they are confident in supporting children with SEN.

Things to find out might be, how many children with SEN do they have in the school? If it's just a handful, it's easier to be confident. Do they have a fully qualified Senco and are their LSAs experienced and trained in supporting children with SEN?