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Sleep

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Original poster

Co-sleeping - your experiences wanted please

46 replies

welshmum · 10/07/2005 13:33

DS sleeps in our bed. He's 7 weeks old and he wakes a couple of times a night for a feed (bf) and then goes back to sleep - doesn't cry at all and is happy as a sandboy cuddled up to me. Problem is I don't really want to do this for much longer as I'm sleeping really badly. Books I read seem to suggest that I need to nip in the bud quickly or sign up to it for the next couple of years But how do I nip it the bud? He feels way too little to just let him cry, I'm all at sea over this one (dd was really independent and went in her own cot in her own room at 5 weeks and was really happy there)
Would be interested in your experiences and any advice as to what might work. Thanks

OP posts:

sasa15 · 10/07/2005 20:43

I moved next door ds when it was 7 weeks...my door open, his door open....slept wonderfully since then....I was disturbing him he was disturbing me.....before....

He never slept with us since then ...only occasionally if heis sick or to play in the morning...come in the big bed....

I would move him as soon as you can...if he hasn't got any problem with digestion, reflux etc.......

shalaa · 10/07/2005 22:24

Hi Welshmum, I co-slept with my DS from when he was born till he was 3 months old, then I put him in a cot which is right next to my side of the bed. He can see me through the gaps in his cot rails and I still feed him 2-3 times in the night with no problem (just lift him out then put him back). This has worked brilliantly for us and DS had no problems moving to his cot. You can read all the books in the world but he's your baby so go with your instincts!!

Chandra · 10/07/2005 22:31

We got a bedside cot from ToysRUs it costed about 120 pounds but as it doubles up as a small day bed he is still using it almost 3 years later so we have amortised the cost .

What made us take the decision not to co sleep was that DS was so mobile since the first week that we found it several times almost at our feet (under the duvet) and once I wake up with him under my legs, I thought I had asfixiated him so we decided to allow him hos own space, though still found him with his legs hanging from the cot every night until we were blessed with the knowledge of Grobags' existence

MarsLady · 10/07/2005 22:33

about 2. The DTs are 17 months now and have just started transferring to their own beds. I've only just stopped bfding them and thought that moving to their own beds would be a natural progression.

Suddenly my bed seems HUGE!

LeahE · 11/07/2005 01:12

If it's any consolation when DS was little I slept really badly if we had him in bed with us but he's now nearly 6 months and I sleep much better in fact better when he's in bed with us than when he's in his cot.

ruty · 11/07/2005 08:53

i did not co sleep until my ds was 5 months old. Up to that point he hated going to bed and every night was a struggle. I also had a lot of nightmares, anxiety dreams about him. Since we've been co sleeping he's`so much happier, and my nightmares have stopped. He's now 10 months. We have a bedside cot, and sometimes he goes in it and then climbs out to be next to me.

dottydaisy · 11/07/2005 08:55

My first son slept with us from day one and I enjoyed it and it didn't seem to bother us at the time. However once I had my DS 2 it was a nightmare as all of us ended up in the same bed! I tried putting DS2 in his cot, crib and moses basket at night but he wasn't having any of it. The nightmare continued until someone suggested that I put my baby in his cot in his own room during the day for a nap. (out of the way of a jealous two year old!) Although he cried for the first few times, i found that i felt less guilty about it than at night time. However after a few naps in his new room he couldn't settle in our bed at night. Now he sleeps for 10,12 and sometimes even 13 hours per night. He does wake up in the night and I can hear him gurgling but he doesn't disturb us and he has learnt how to get his self back to sleep.
I am however still suffering from a wriggly figgety two year old who moans and crys at me in his sleep if I happen to have the CHEEK to turn over!!!!

Original poster

welshmum · 11/07/2005 10:08

Reading all these is really helpful - thanks for passing them on. I think I'm going to try to leave moving him ouut of bed for a little bit longer and then put him in a cot next to me for a while...I think....the first few weeks are hard aren't they - had forgotten/chosen not to remember.

OP posts:

bobbybob · 11/07/2005 10:14

Cross your bridges when you come to them. Babies are funny little buggers and will change all the time - do not worry yourself now with a problem you only might have in the future.

If it helps ds was in with us until 5 months and then successfully transfered to cot when HE wanted more room. Now sleeps 13 hours a night in his cot at age 2 and talks to himself when he wakes up.

Still comes in with us occassionally if he's ill - and I like it.

redheadmum · 11/07/2005 10:26

Welshmum - I seem to be following in yr footsteps! How's the problem with the wind?

I'm co-sleeping also, as due to wind (colic?) my Ds won't settle back in his crib. If I insist on the crib it means no sleep, whereas if I take him into bed for a feed and leave him there I at least get some sleep. So- at the moment co-sleeping it is

However, we're in the same dilemma. I'm not really comfortable with Ds in the bed (we went for half way house of crib in our bedroom with Dd and this is the best option for us and everyone sleeping) I'm worried that we'll have him in with us for ever. Bit unfair too as Dd in her own bedroom from 6 months.

what have you decided?

nooka · 12/07/2005 21:47

I had ds in with me for a while (had a c-section, so getting up was hard) but I slept really badly with him in the bed (I'm not a great sleeper anyway).I think he was in with us for maybe about 6 weeks (might have been less). Then he was in a crib in the same room for a little while (might only have been a few weeks). But I found I couldn't settle (I kept listening to his breathing!) so then he went into another room.

I've never been able to bf in bed (I'm on the small side, and I'd find milk all over the bed afterwards when I tried!). I had a comfortable chair, and a night light, and to be honest getting up was never a huge trauma, as ds always settled fine, so it was a quick get up and most of the time I don't think I really woke up properly.

dd never came into bed except for cuddles. She was in our room for longer as we didn't have anywhere else to put her! Then we moved out onto the sitting room floor for a while before she went in with her brother.

Both have slept fantastically since babyhood, but we have been pretty strict, and I recognise that we are lucky!

Essentially you just have to play it by ear. If you like having them in with you, and it's not causing you any problems then I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you don't then try out doing things differently. If it doesn't work out, you can always change things.

You might want to consider that there is some SIDS evidence that suggests co-sleeping may be a risk factor. This is probably only a factor in a very small amount of cases (I guess especially the very wriggly babies!), but I thought I should mention it as it's been in the news recently.

Lizita · 12/07/2005 22:48

Hi, haven't read all of thread so sorry if I repeat. I wouldn't worry too much about it being for the next 2 years! My dd (now 23 months) slept with me most of the time till about 5 months old, same reason (though i slept better when she was there , took a lot of getting used to, having the bed to myself!). When she was 5-6 months old I used a form of cc to teach her to fall asleep by herself (I felt she was old enough and ready by then, for the crying not to be so heart-breaking), but if I remember rightly, before then, I was able to put her down gently once she was asleep, at least at night anyway (though she woke a few times). Is it possible to put him down without waking him?

chipmonkey · 13/07/2005 02:24

DS1 and ds2 co-slept with us, but ds3 settles in his own cot about midnight and sleeps till 7.30. I bf him to sleep. (Bad idea according to the baby Whisperer! Didn't mind him co-sleeping but he fell out of our bed one night, and though he was OK, have been afraid to have him back in our bed.

Ruthiebaby · 13/07/2005 14:21

Well....when I was a baby I never slept in with my parents I was always put to bed in a cot. However, when I was old enough I would walk through and jump in bed with my mum and dad. Did this until I was about 10. Destroyed my mum & dads sex life !

So, it doesn't always mean that babies who sleep in with their parents will end up sleeping with them all the time !

Cristina7 · 13/07/2005 14:26

DD (4 months) has been sleeping in our bed so I could breastfeed her (she was a very sleepy baby and it was the only way I could "catch" her moments of wakefulness. Now she's in her cot for the first part of the night, she falls asleep and then I put her in and I take her in our bed when I go to bed much later.

Papillon · 13/07/2005 14:29

Our dd sleeps right next to us on a futon the same height as our bed. So she has her own space, bedding but is close by. We went from a moses basket on wheels (6 months) to the futon.

ElliesMomma · 13/07/2005 21:09

Our DD sleeps with us aswell..... it mainly because of our situation when she was born. We were living at my mums and there was 8 of us in a 3 bedroomed house because we couldn't find a council house of our own....... anyway once Ellie was too big for her moses basket there wasn't enough room for a cot so she slept on a pillow at the top of our bed (behind my pillow) and she still does even though we now have a house of our own because she sleeps better during the night, allthough she will sleep in her cot during the day. It does mean that my feet hang off the end of the bed but i don't mind as we all sleep better. Ellie is now 15 months and we are going to put her in her own toddler bed when she turns two.

Calmriver · 13/07/2005 21:22

Dd 11 months just wants to be close when she sleeps, you can see it. I breastfed for 10 months, so the bed was the easiest thing to do.
She is just getting biig, and lies sideways(kicking me off)
She also seems to be quite hot at the mo obviously with summer.

I can't let her scream to get her into the cot routine! I have tried and I end up in tears!??

Calmriver · 13/07/2005 21:23

Talking about destroying sex lives-try 4 times in this year

Pob71 · 13/07/2005 23:05

Have co slept with ds2 since he was born and is now 6 months. I love this mainly because I am far to lazy to get up to feed him at night. It is just so easy to get him to latch on and go back to sleep, mostly he will settle for a single side at night but if not he kicks me back into action and over we go! I have no plans to stop although I can see it wearing thin with dh eventually. He naps in his cot and goes to sleep there for the first part of the night and put himself to sleep by sucking his thumb. My must haves for comfort are a pillow at my back, a mesh guard rail on my side of the bed and a hippychick cotton bed protector for milk leakage and posseting (its the comfiest thing of its kind that I have found - very cottony). Also our bed is a super-kingsize Ikea jobbie. Oh and I use a light cover or blankets if its colder not the duvet (do miss the duvet especially in the winter). Will have to play it by ear now he is getting more mobile.
I think more people would get more rest if they co slept too!

Original poster

welshmum · 14/07/2005 10:21

Thanks again for all your experiences.
Ds is deigning to go in his basket for the first part of the night at least now and my sleep is so much better - even if it is only 3 hours currently. I'm being very gentle with the aim of shifting him into his basket as much as I can but can't let him cry just yet. I do like co-sleeping at the moment but it's not a long term situation for me - just because I need a better sleep to function.
He's such a little charmer with his cheeky grins at 4am!

OP posts:

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