co-sleeping with toddler, am I doing something very stupid?

[mummylonglegs]

Dd 2 1/2 has, up until about 2 months ago, always slept alone in her cot. Then she had a really nasty cough which went on and on and also potty training and starting 2 mornings a week with a childminder. So I got in the habit of sleeping with her on a mattress in her room. Previously she wasn't a child we could co-sleep with even if we'd wanted to because she didn't seem to like it (likes her own space). Now what happens is that for naps she sleeps alone in her cot very well and goes off at bedtime alone well too. But about 3am she calls for me to sleep with her and I haven't resisted. The reasons are that I actually quite treasure sleeping with her because I've never been able to do it before and because I am an extremely fond and protective kind of mum who sleeps with the baby monitor pressed to my ear virtually when she's on her own in her room (she's 2 floors away from where we sleep so we can't do without a monitor) so being right next to her I sleep better, she sleeps better and longer in the morning than she's done in AGES.

BUT am I making some kind of rod for my back that I'll regret at some point in the future? I always thought that co-sleeping was other people's pleasure / problem, it's all new to me.

That sounds fascinating, your writing. What sort of places have you been published?

Oh yes, I totally feel for you with your dd2 situation. B/f IS lovely. I always loved it, especially the sleepy bedtime and morning feeds. I guess I feel the same as you with my half co-sleeping situation with dd. So long as it's pleasurable for us all and we all get sleep I can't deny myself the joy of snuggling up with dd. Without sounding too soppy, just this morning I was awake before her and just lay watching her sleep so peacefully, not a line on her little brow and it felt an incredible privelege to be able to see that. You're right, they're little like this for such a short time. I'm aware that when dd starts pre-school etc. my role will change. But for now she's still 'mine' in that particular mother / baby kind of way. And if I didn't lap up every moment of it while I can I'd regret it for the rest of my life!

I'll be interested to hear what you programme suggests and how you get on.

DS has always been too much of a wriggler to co-sleep with us. It just never worked for any of us - except maybe ds! But, on the mornings that he wakes earlier than usual (6 am instead of 8) I bring him in bed to get some extra sleep and it is all nice and cuddly and wonderful. I love those mornings like a special surprise and will be very sorry to see them go. I'm assuming as a teenager he will be reluctant to keep it up

Ooh, you never know Jabberwocky!

Fingers crossed. I wonder if he'll still like watching Big Comfy Couch?

Or in my dd's case, still be in love with Noddy?

mll and jabberwocky

mll, it's so hard letting go of the baby phase isn't it? I think that's what I need to do though, accept that dd2 isn't a new born any more and treat her like the older baby she is. I will still be bf but only by day. She's finding things a bit tricky atm because she so wants to be a toddler but isn't, it's hard for us too as advice for babies doesn't really apply but neither does advice for toddlers, which is why I decided to get professional advice! I don't think it's soppy at all to say about looking at your dd asleep, I feel just the same about both of ours. Our eldest now cuddles a soft toy every night and she looks so sweet and contented, sometimes just the sight of her reduces me to tears! I think every child is a miracle and being a parent a great honour.

Thank you for your interest in my writing . I've been published in a journal of prayer and spirituality called Wholeness, now sadly defunct. I haven't really written anything for publication for a while but have just got back to it. At the moment I'm writing on faith sharing at home for under-fives, with ideas for parents and little ones to explore together - I really believe that what happens at home is far more important than going to church on a Sunday.

Interesting stuff you're thinking of writing on, im! I don't suppose you're intending on practising any of it near SE London? I'd love to give dd a more 'spiritual' upbringing than she's likely to get in our inner city environment. I'm Jewish (by blood) but went to Catholic school as my father converted to Catholicism sometime in his 50's (he married my mum late, when he was 55 or so). My mum later converted to Catholicism too but not until after my father had died which I always found a bit strange seeing as she'd taken us to church all our childhoods. There were pros and cons to Catholic education but aspects of worship I really miss.

I think small children also find it hard to let go of the baby stage. Sometimes dd's so adamantly a 'little girl' and determined. Others she says to me 'I want to be a baby, mum' and insists I wrap her up in a towel (kind of swaddle her) and wander around with her head in the crook of my elbow. Dd also cuddles up with a favourite toy under her arm and it's SO cute. When I nip in to check on her before I go to bed I stand and watch her all snuggled up and think it's the most beautiful thing.

I remember the 13 month mark being rather frustrating for dd too. Actually I think it was 11 months with her, it seemed an important transition time. I hope your professional help helps!

mll, interesting idea that children also find it hard to let go of being babies. Our dd1 adores being a 'big girl', totally umprompted by us - in fact when we had dd2 we were ready for some regression, but instead she decided to be 'grown up'. Still has her dummy though...

When my dd1 gets wrapped up in a towel she insists she is 'being like baby Jesus'!

Very interested to read about your parents and the fact you went to a Catholic school. If you'd like to CAT me I'd be happy to e-mail you the handouts I write for our local church - they're what I've based the stuff I've sent to the publisher on.

Thanks im, I'll CAT you.

How's the sleeping going now?