Up since 3am, opened my new sleep book in desperation and now v upset...

[Scifinerd]

I am having horrendous sleep, or lack of, with DS who is 6 months. I bought a book which I think was recommended on MN and amazon and I opened up for some help and reassurance at 5am after being up since 3 to read the following: (BTW it was specially highlighted in bold on the page to make it stand out:

"WARNING: If your child does not learn to sleep well, he may become an incurable adult insomniac, chronically disabled from sleepiness and dependent on sleeping pills."

Further on it said in ref to colic, (my baby has bad reflux), "it is not biological factors that contribute to enduring sleep problems beyond nine weeks of age, it is parenting practices.

So now on top of feeling crap from no sleep I get to feel guilty about its everlasting effects on my children and get to blame my own parenting skills for it too. I am so angry and upset, I bought this book to help me not make me feel absolutely shit. And what really gets me is that the author has bolded and underlined these phrases knowing sleep deprived parents will skim read to begin with.

The book cost me £9.99, money I can ill afford, and now I am too stressed to read further in case it upsets me more.

I am pretty lacking in confidence as it is and I really really don't need this. Why oh why did I not stick to Elizabeth Pantley?

don't be upset scifinerd

I don't know the book, but if you are going to sell a book about sleep I'm sure a bit of scaremongering will help sales!

It is so hard to focus on a sleep routine and being strict about it when you are absolutely exhausted and very down about it. I hope someone comes along who can help you.

I'm sure a book which is v heavily recommended must have some good advice. I hope you get some help and some sleep soon.

I was trying to bold and underline some of this to mimic the book but obviously just managed to decorate my post with asterisks and lines.

Also there were more examples in the book that upset me but didn't want my post to go on too long.

And also I would say the thing about biological factors must be wrong. It must be wrong. What about constipation, and changing feeding patterns and so on. I am DEFINITELY no expert and I DO know the value of routine but that seems completely OTT to me.

And he MAY become an insomniac? well so MAY anyone. And he may not.

Don't be discouraged.

Humbug probably, according to my mum I never slept until I was about 3, but as an adult I have always loved my 8 hours. Shame my 9 month old doesn't understand that

DH wanted to burn my copy of the Baby Whisperer because I got so upset reading it. Factual books rather than philosophy based one better IMO (eg What to Expect the First Year) but won't cover sleep in detail.

DS's sleep not perfect but getting better, sounds a cliche but the more fresh air and exercise he gets in a day, the better his naps and night time sleep is.

What utter crap. Send it back and post a zero star review. I'm cross on your behalf.

I have to say I get very annoyed with all these books & their 'dos and dont's'. Don't pay too much attention, each child is completely different & there is no one size fits all! I find lots of the parenting books (especially the ones on sleep) really patronizing, they often imply that if you don't do this 'one thing' (whatever it is) that they suggest your baby will end having all sorts of problems as an adult. As I said, don't pay attention, parenting & how children develop is so much more complex & varied than these books imply...

Did the book arrive fewer than 7 days ago? If so you can send it back under the Distance Selling Regulations and get your money back no questions asked (assuming you haven't torn it in pieces by now ).

Then spend the £9.99 on a nice bottle of wine!

Utter shit

Dr Richard Ferber's 'How to solve your child's sleep problems'i is brilliant and helped my 3. I do believe you have to 'do' something, they wont just magically sleep all night on their own.

That book sounds crap...the Baby Whisperer book had some great advice on how to teach your baby/child to sleep ont heir own, and she describes how waking within 40 mins is natural, and that's when they need to learn to drop off, then they sleep longer...
Worked a treat for me, once I realised what was happening...also the "habit" breast feed at 10pm...managed to stop this in 4 nights using her suggestions and then DD slept right through!

which book is it? or am i blind and it is already mentioned.

6 month old babies do not generally sleep undisturbed. If they do,their emotional nad physical needs are being ignored.

Complete rubbish, me, my broher and my sister were all terrible sleepers and never slept through til we were over 3/ 4 years old yet we are all great sleepers now. My ds was a great sleeper as a young baby but has become an early riser as he's gotten older, still sleeps through though but who knows what will happen as he gets older.

what bollox, utter utter bollox.
chuck the bloody thing in the bin, dont even put it on ebay as it will only serve to torture some other poor bugger when they buy it.

Mine didnt sleep til he was 4 (not helping you i realise, butt heres a punchline i promnise) and he isnt a chronicc insomniac, he is fien now ta, and he had colic, the most earsplitting screams from 5pm till midnight every night till he was 17 weeks..........i most certainly did not cause it by my shite parenting.....jeez...

my darling, let me recommend that you get the Dawn French book "dear fatty" tis funny, tis witty and a dead good read, have a little butchers at that at 3am instead, it will make you laff til you wee on your couch.

As you well know, I didn't sleep until I was 3 and I am very intelligent, exceptionally beautiful, madly funny and your best friend -although I am now taking pills to help me sleep

Hahahahahaha Moondog "..their emotional aand physical needs are being ignored." if they sleep undisturbed before 6 months! Where did you get that from?? Utter hippy drivel.

All 3 of my DSs slept through by 6 months and they are perfectly well adjusted, being both emotionally and physically very well cared for. In fact I was more able to care for them fully having had a full night's sleep!

sounds like a load of old pants...send it back - recommend the ferber one but I think that says a lot of things in it aren't really ready to put in place til they're a bit older.

massive sympathy re sleep deprivation -no wonder they use it as torture!

I agree with you re Elizabeth Pantley - although of course she doesn't have any quick fix solutions. I find her tremendously reassuring, she says stuff like not to worry if you have an inconsistent week or whatever, it isn't the end of the world and won't mean that your child will never sleep.

She has had 4 of her own children (one at least quite "wakeful" so understands that some nights the parents are too knackered to be "firm" and just want to get some sleep.

Yes, send this new book back.

marlasinger well I must be worse than you as my 4 year old has kept me up with a cough too, and worse we let her in our bed.

We all do our best I think, and different approaches for different dcs.

fwiw I followed the same approach with both my dds. dd1 was a beautiful 12 hours a night girl, dd2 is a little more lively shall we say.

It does sound like pants! DS was a great sleeper as a baby - from very early on. How our friends hated us as we perkily leapt about on 9 hours' sleep with our perfect baby. THEN from about 18 months he became a terrible sleeper - and although he has some good nights, still at 3.5 he has some terrible ones where we are up all night. Did we change our parenting, did something make that happen? No. All children are different and go through different stages. Your baby will also change. Books may contain some useful tips but please don't take judgmental, unhelpful stuff like that to heart. You've had no sleep and it will all seem so much more emotional - put it to one side, or ask a friend to read it and pass on tips that might help you.

Utter shite IMHO.

Ds1 and ds2 didn't sleep through until a year and they are now very good sleepers, we are currently wrestling with ds3's sleep which is rubbish. We'll get there eventually, I certainly do not think he will be an incurable adult insomniac!

Is there scientific proof of what it states anywhere in the book? I very much doubt it....

I was an utterly shite sleeper until I was 3. As an adult I can go to sleep anywhere, any time with no trouble whatsoever.

The Elizabeth Pantley book is fab and really empowers you to choose solutions that suit you and your philosophys.

sounds like lack of sleep is getting to you marlasinger! My children are also disturbed by illness, as am I, and I wouldn't expect them to sleep through in that situation. I am not saying children SHOULD sleep through at 6 months, just that mine did.
I was trying to defend al those parents whose children DO sleep, we are not depriving them of any emotional and physical needs as suggested earlier.

What a load of pants.....he is 6 months old for heavens sake and he hasnt read that book!!!

Give yourself a break!