Is it actually possible to settle my 2 week old in his cot? Going spare!

[hopefully]

DS is 2 weeks old today, and has yet to settle in his moses basket/cot. if he falls asleep on me, aand is left for a while before being moved to his cot, he'll sleep for perhaps an hour in the basket.

i'm not desperately concerned by the length of the sleeps (usually 2 hours from start of feed to start of feed, with one stretch of 3-4 hours in each 24 hour period), but i am basically not sleeping, as i am essenttially feeding him to sleep.

i'm not prepared to co-sleep, as i am a v heavy sleeper when i do sleep, and this doesn't solve the daytime naps issue (sling also not a favoured option, as i think he'll then be even more horrified at leaving me at night).

we've tried settling him in his moses today, going to him every time he cries for more than a minute, and he has yet to be quiet for more than 5 mins together, and hasn't dropped off yet (except when allowed to feed, when i'm fighting to keep him awake).

i know many will think me horrifically cruel, feel free to post as well, all opinions welcome! I can take it!

If anyone's got any tips we can try, I'd be eternally grateful, as DS is getting ever more over tired, and I am swiftly losing the plot at night...

I'm going to dip in and dip out as I know I will get totally flamed.

For my first child, I cuddled, rocked, let him suck, etc. for three months and by the end I was a jibbering wreck. I then put him on a routine which involved him crying a LOT. On day 2 or 3 he slept through the night. It took a couple of weeks before he really got the hang of daytime naps but a few days in and we saw an improvement.

With my second, I was determined that I wouldn't fall into the same traps so at about week 2 (when I knew she was putting on weight really well, she was 9lb 12 oz at birth and also well overdue) I started getting tough. (Yes, I know what others are going to say - I'm not even going to read the responses.)

I decided that 5 minutes was an acceptable amount of time for a little baby to cry and if she cried for less than that and then paused, I wouldn't intervene.

I fed her, cuddled her for a couple of minutes, let her 'play' for about 45 minutes and when she yawned a couple of times, I put her in her basket and lay on the bed to listen. I got a piece of paper (I am a geek by heart) and wrote down when she cried and when she stopped and then when she started again.

It felt like she was crying for HOURS but in actual fact the total time was about 20 minutes, she never cried for longer than about 3 minutes and then paused. After about 10 minutes of stop/starts (which felt like a lifetime), she started to have bigger gaps.

On some days, it took maybe 30 minutes. On others, it took 30 seconds.

She is now 2 months old and sometimes she still cries herself to sleep - usually when she is overtired or overstimulated.

It is still hard sometimes but I feel more in control and much, much more able to cope than with my first. I'm surprised I didn't get post-natal depression, I was so unhappy with my first in those first months.

Anway, whatever you go with, try, try, try not to feel guilty about it. Mumsnet can be a great source of information and help but it also has a nasty habit of making you feel really shit if you are not careful!

Thanks for the support everyone, I really appreciate all the ideas, and the lack of flaming...

We've decided to continue with current situation until Teddy's in a slightly more predictable routine of naps and has been weighed once more to make sure he's continuing to gain, and then we'll really tackle the issue of where he sleeps.

Springer I really appreciate you being honest and telling me what you did - good to know that it can work, and you can end up with a child that isn't traumatised!

gingerninja lol at chopping off your arm - I feel much the same about my finger after hours of him sucking it...

I agree with Springerspaniel... just do what YOU want to do and don't feel guilty. My gut instinct is that yes, you are 'making a rod for your own back' (for want of a better phrase), but it is your baby and if that is what you want to do then do it. I have twins so never really had the time to cuddle them to sleep - although I did do it after night feeds with DS for a while because he wouldn't settle on his own, but after a session with the osteopath he didn't need me to do it any more.

My twins are left to cry all the time, as I am sure all twins/triplets are, cos I only have obe pair of hands. Do all twins grow up traumatised? No. I don't believe that leaving a baby to cry for 20 mins damages them long-term. Many many mothers have done it (usually after months of cuddling their baby to sleep)

Your baby should be able to get herself to sleep without your help, and if you feel that she can't, then I'd take her to an osteopath.

Just re-read the OP and seen your DS is only two weeks old (and a he not a her!). That is very young to start worrying about this. If you are still cuddling him to sleep at 12 weeks old then I would do something then

For the time being just keep trying to put him down on his own and if he won't go down give him a cuddle. He will probably get it on his own eventually. Just make sure you are cuddling him for HIM not for you. Sorry for all the posts!

One thing that seemed to help our DS was to swaddle him and also pack rolled up towels round him in the Moses basket to get the feeling that he was nice and snug still and being held.
But the first two weeks are pretty grim, just a fact of life - get through them however you can! I always find having a moan to my midwife/health visitor is reassuring - she doesn't come up with magic solutions, but it really helps to get things off my chest...

thanks everyone! i've managed to look at things a lot more positively following all your reassurance. we're still trying to put him down to settle himself, which he does maybe one sleep in 6, but if he doesn't we rock him or whatever - if we're still doing it in a few weeks, we'll readdress things.

i am even managing not to be grossed out by the damn finger sucking 0- how have i managed to give birth to the world's suckiest, non dummy asccepting baby...

Really pleased you're feeling more positive, hopefully. I sympathise with the sucky-baby thing, it's bloody hard work. But it really will ease up over time, and you'll forget all about the boobfests.

hopefully

(hijack, Davina were you IARCFB? if so hope you're well and getting more sleep than when we last spoke.)

I agree with milkmoustache My dd is 3 weeks old and she goes off on her own in the cot with rolled towels either side of her and her blanket wrapped around her but with her arms free. She also sleeps better with a radio playing very low and the light on very dim. In time we will ween her off the light and music but for now she is sleeping. Just try as many different things as you can It took us a good 2 weeks to discover what worked withour DD

Hear hear, Herecomesthescience bint!

(hijack #2 - gingerninja, yes, I was IARCFB, we're slowly getting there thanks. A good night is 3 wakings, we've had a few nights when he's gone right through to 3am ish, and he's almost self-settling as of this week. I am very, very happy with this! And I hope you are very well - how is your bump coming along? )

Sorry hopefully

This is a horrible thread. Both the OP and Springerspaniel have made me feel sick to the stomach that anyone could treat their tiny babies this way.

I really cannot articulate how disgusted I feel!

dropped in on this thread hoping for useful advice as i also have a non-settling small baby, now 3 weeks.

best wishes to the op, and I have no idea how herecomethescientist and soapbox have managed, but if they can cope with no more than 10 min stretches of sleep for over 2 weeks, they can relax in the knowledge that they are superhuman beings and better than me. 'it's hard to be tired' - no shit. there's a reason why sleep dep is used as a torture method. if you're hallucinating from lack of sleep and hysterical and can't think straight to keep you baby safe, letting the baby cry in a safe space has to be better.

in the meantime I'm trying to cuddle my squirmy one to sleep and all, but there's been the odd time when it's either he cries in one room an d i get 2 hours sleep, or we both cry for hours. i fail to see how the latter helps either of us.

{changes baby again, goes back to cuddling, sigh}

Do you have a partner who can help with cuddling duty ? DH was fab at cuddling which did give me a bit of sleep armed with earplugs and a flight mask to get an hour here and there.

Also a sling such as a hugabub is great for during the day as it means you can get to the toilet and other such things without the ordeal of trying to balance the baby in one arm.

The first few weeks are tough, the two hourly feeds is just how it is but it is exactly what babies are supposed to do and they do gradually space things out and get to the stage where they are happier to be put down.

Just popped back. Soapbox, I think you are truly pathetic.

Soapbox expressed herself in a distasteful way, but the fact remains that there is nothing at all wrong with feeding or cuddling a tiny baby to sleep. They change so much and so quickly - they will be different people in a couple of weeks. Lie down with them, sleep when they sleep. It's only a tiny phase even though it feels as if it's going on forever but it doesn't. People put a lot of stress on themselves by trying to impose routines on what are basically random little animals. They settle into their own routine once they realize that they aren't still part of you.

hi hopefully just wanted to say don't listen to comments like those from soapbox - people magically forget what having a newborn is like - especially sleep deprivation once they are past the baby stage. You have been given a lot of other good advice on here. Congratulations btw and hope you get some sleep soon xxx

PS Soapbox - if you haven't got any constructive advice don't make ignorant comments

Hi Hopefully

Haven't read the whole thread but wanted to say things do get better (sometimes they get worse again but then they get better).

I have an 8 week old now and I've found that the Baby Whisperer books really helped. You may already have read these, but just in case. You might find the no cry sleep solution helps too.

What will help the most though is getting to know your baby and this takes time. They change every day so just as you think you know what you are doing they change again but it for me it has got easier to understand my DS's needs and mostly an enjoyable challenge (although I find myself tearing my hair out at least once a week). As someone else said, the bit you are in at the moment is a bit of blur and you are both learning about your new life. It isn't easy. Get as much support as you can and congratulate yourself on completing 2 weeks of Motherhood.

Good luck

oh, and others have said, swaddling and dummies saved us. Can take some time to get it right but definitely worth it.

agree absolutely with herecomesthesciencebint... ds2 is 8 months and only just starting to learn to settle himself now...

Haven't been able to read whole thread but read most of it and wanted to add 2 things.

regarding him escaping from the swaddle: do it tightly!! more tightly than you would think...it's not cruel, it's fine and it works.

And regarding letting him get into the habit of sleeping on you and feeding to sleep: i know you can't imagine him breaking this habit and maybe you will have to help him break it, but there's nothing at 2 weeks that can't be undone later. I'm a very rigid, routine sort of girl and tried to get dd settling herself into a cot as soon as I could, but even if you feed/cuddle him to sleep for 6 months (and it won't be this hard for 6 months, because he will sleep for longer soon), you can still totally get him into better habits then: it will only take a few days of sleep training, if that's the way you want to go.

For now, I know you need sleep, just take one day at a time get sleep when you can and don't worry about later habits.

Good luck.