Is there another way?

[Jennyusedtobepink]

OK, so I've lost count of the amount of threads I've started regarding this problem, but the situation is getting worse and worse.

I'll try to summarise, dd is 16mo.

1. Dd has never ever slept through the night.
2. Dd started getting into our bed at 4mo.
3. At 13mo, I successfully managed to get her into her own bed at least in the evening.
4. She stays there usually between 2-3 hours and then gets in with us.
5. Some nights it can take me 3 hours to get her to sleep.
6. The main problem (IMO) is that she wants to come back downstairs.
7. She gets so upset that the only way I can calm her down is to take her back downstairs (this doesn't happen every night, sometimes she goes down fine).
8. I am sick of going to bed at 9pm.
9. I have barely any relationship left with dh.

10. Now she is waking in the middle of the night, screaming. 11. I'd say it was teeth, but once we turn the light on, she's fine. 12. I've never tried CC with any success. 13. I've even resorted to giving her milk in the middle of the night to make her drowsy and more likely to go back to sleep. 14. Last night she was awake between 12am and 2.45am. 15. My patience is wearing thin.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!

I feel completely drained and really sad about it for some reason. I suppose I feel a bit like a martyr as I've tried so hard to meet her needs and be there for her, but seemingly it's failed.

Awwww Jenny, you have done your best and no doubt will continue to do so whichever way you decide to go forward. You are her whole world and she's just pushing all your buttons because that's how they learn... Sometimes you need to be what appears to be cruel to be kind... and other clichés

Ha ha, I keep hoping it'll be one of those experiences where I say, 'I wish I'd done it months ago.'

fingers crossed for you

We had same problems with dd2 esp when ds1 arrived when she was only 15 mo. What worked in the end was going in when she cried, keeping lights off and repeating calmly "it's time for bed." CC is rubbish at this age. We have done it with all 3 when they're tiny and crying because they are tired. We tried it once with dd2 recently - after 10mins she puked. We felt terrible. Never again.

Isn't keeping going in like this just CC anyway? Or am I misunderstanding you?

You're right I guess it is a kind of cc except that we don't let her cry very long before we're in there telling her it's bedtime.

DD went through a bad stage at around that age (she had never slept through the night but at that age she became a nightmare to get to bed at all).

I followed our usual bedtime pattern but spent a few nights going back in again and again until she finally settled. She wasn't really crying though, more shouting and when I went in she would stop instantly and say "oh hello" so I knew she was ok really.

If she had really been crying and upset I probably would have picked her up and cuddled her for a while until she calmed down (but that only happened once for us and the next day she had a new tooth and I felt awful for not having realised!).

I wouldn't have let her leave the room again, nor would I have turned the main light on. DD has a light from ikea that is like a mobile with little stars hanging down and I would turn that on (very dim) and leave it on for her if she wanted. She also had a cd that she listened to and that often helped her settle.

Sleeping through the night was another story though and it took until she was 2 before I stopped giving her milk in the night-that is when I felt she was ready to do it (had previously tried at 14 months but with no success) and the first night she woke, said milk, I said no, she asked a couple more times but then went to sleep. She woke for a few nights after that but always just accepted it when I said no milk. Now aged 2.3 she sleeps through the night-every night.

I think the main thing is what you feel comfortable with and what you think will work for you. I have had to do things completely differently for ds-with him I have done a form of cc I suppose, putting him in his cot, leaving the room, letting him cry for a few minutes then going back in and he would then settle with my hand on his back (sometimes I had to go in and out several times before he settled.). DS was only 8 months when I did this though and I did it because he had always been rocked to sleep but was no longer settling this way and literally wasn't sleeping at all. I tried other methods such as PUPD, patting him, lying next to him etc but they didn't work and from trying those I got an instinct that he would settle if I left him then went back in to him and it worked. I don't think it would have done with dd and certainly not at that age.

If you do decide upon CC then don't feel you have to follow it to the letter, you can adapt it to suit you. eg with ds I didn't feel comfortable increasing the times between going to him and didn't leave him for set periods of time. In fact most of the time I only left him for 20/30 seconds before going back in and that was enough, it just made him realise that going to sleep with me there next to him was better than being left alone I suppose.

How is your dd's speech/comprehension? At 16 months I would have certainly said dd was able to follow simple requests etc and so I felt she was able to understand if I said No it is bedtime, time to go to sleep-that made it easier on me as I didn't feel like she didn't understand and was confused. Maybe introduce the idea during the day eg "Tonight when you go to bed will you be a good girl and stay there and go to sleep for mummy". She probably doesn't understand the concept of rewards yet but you could try offering an incentive!

Thanks for that claireybee - very informative. I tried that the other night, talking to her about how lovely her room was, how I'd been so excited about having her and had loved doing up her room, etc etc. It did seem to work, but on the nights when she is just hysterical nothing seems to work at all. As I say, I got her to sleep no problem at all last night, but she only stayed there for 2 hours and then was awake for 3 hours in the night.