Calling all sleepless co-sleepers......

[chicca]

DS (Now 7.5 months) has been in bed with us since he was born with the odd couple of hours here and there in moses basket and then cot. He clearly loves being in bed with us and although he wakes all through the night (every 2 hours at least) a quick bf will get him back off again ( I know it's mostly for comfort).
I am really knackered but still able to function (not sure how).
Is anyone else co-sleeping and happy about it?
Most people are looking for ways to get baby OUT of the bed but is anyone still doing it and happy with the situation?
I'm sure at some point (when cot is actually put up!) we will have to go through CC or whatever. But despite tiredness, bad backs, dodgy hips etc.DH and I are ok with the status quo.

chicca if you are happy to carry on co-sleeping and feeding quite frequently during the night, I would just go for it.

I slept with and breastfed DS2 for much longer, because he hwas in plaster casts from toes to hips and he was really uncomfortable and had trouble sleeping. But as soon as he was out of plaster casts (when he was one) he started sleeping better and I was able to stop then.

Just a quick reaction to the "have we started something we can't change?" remark: Everything changes quickly and frequently when they're so little as yours. And even if you do end up sleeping with your boy and/or breastfeeding longer term, it WILL end, either when he is ready or when you are. Don't change it just because you think you are making a rod for your own back, because the rod doesn't exist until you are fed up with it, and that's the right time to change it. You might actually enjoy it in the meantime! You don't want to make problems that aren't there. And try to find Deborah Jackson's book I mentioned earlier, because it totally convinced me how unnatural it is for babies to be on their own. If they were supposed to be independent at 9 months (incl. falling asleep on their own) evolution would have made the human baby race a whole lot less helpless!

We let both our girls sleep with us and they are still there at age 2 & 4 - BUT, I know lots of parents who boasted their kids were in their own beds much earlier and they are still having to get up several times a night or the child ends up in their bed anyway - and for us it was the only way we could get any sleep in the early days - I think on balance we were better parents having had more sleep - and I am confident we will get them in their own beds pretty soon now so do what is easiest for you.

i agree with mum of treasures. when we feed our kids mushed up purees we feel confident they'll progress onto solids, we put them in nappies and plan to toilet train them. this rod for your own back scaremongering is silly, they may put up a fight but children learn new ways and adapt. children should be a joyful addition to life, if theres a way you want to live that doesn't harm the child then in the words of nike 'just do it' and who cares what anyone else thinks, human nature is we're never all going to agree anyway and what a boring world it would be if we did! ...seems to me that this sleep battle is always going to be fought at one time anyway! either early on with little babies mid night wakings and early morning calls or later when trying to teach a co-sleeper to sleep in their own bed, children do not seem to go quietly to solo sleeping whenever it is you initiate it(obviously i'm generalising and there are exceptions to this!) i have chosen to sleep with my ds at least until i stop bf him, at 10mths into this parenting thing i 'm becoming confident enough to just state that without worrying about others opinions, actually i am proud of my parenting, i do my best! i'm not bothered if a mother choses to put her child in a cot, each to their own way...with pride

Things can change from child to child, too, or also in parents' attitude. Co-slept with ds - first child - because of bf, which was reluctantly accepted by husband as it is easier and mums get more sleep all in all. Had to move little one out by 6/7 months and was a lot more tired for 6 weeks until I learned to phase out feeds that he did not strictly need anymore. It was also early to move him as he was not happy alone in his cot. Second baby -dd- is now 3 months and husband thinks as we now know how quickly they grow up and away from us, we may keep her with us longer and allow the big one in for cuddles too, when he wants them.

Well I have now ordered the Elizabeth Pantley book (hope you are Amazon commission Carolina).

Not quite sure why but I had a temporary blip on the whole co-sleeping thing but am now back on course thanks to all your help. DS is a happy, sunny, boy and I put a lot of that down to the obvious security he feels. Imagine if we did CC on him? It would reverse all the good work that has been done.
I think my my problem is that I am stuck out here in rural Spain with only two mummy mates - both of which have sleeping through girls in cots. Nobody is trying to pressure us to kick DS out of the bed (except perhaps older family members- but sod'em) so as you all have said - what's the problem? I guess the constant waking and dodgy back are par for the course.
I would love to here suggestions for barracading DS in bed once he can crawl about though. I usually bf him to sleep in the bed and leave him there during the evening until we go to bed ourselves. At the moment, pillows are doing the job, but not for much longer I suspect.
Any top tips?

p.s BF will continue in thiS household until fUrther notice1

har har, i wish! EP's book actually has a lot of recommendations about safe co-sleeping (am not on commission from her either...).

i think the most accident-proof solution is for the mattress to be on the floor and the rest of the room to be made safe for crawling in.

personally, i don't leave ds in bed alone cos i am paranoid and can't relax if i'm not there to see he isn't falling out! i am going to try EP's tips for cot-sleeping so we can put him there in the evening and then bring him into our bed when we go to bed.

I must say I am shocked that no one stops to mention the obvious downfalls of co-sleeping. Obviously, not all of you are doing this from birth, but for those that are...er...cotdeath??? How can you possibly regulate temperature in your bed? How can you realistically use adult-sized covers? How do you stop from rolling over and crushing your child? I think you are mad. Also, who wants to be woken up every two hours??? What is wrong with baby in cot at 7pm, baby out of cot at 7am?? You seem to be clinging to some idealistic dream harping back to a primordial cuulture where the whole village snuggled up round the fire under the stars.

Weird.

tokenbloke- i don't think that you should be so judgemental of anyone on here who chooses to co-sleep. we're here to support each other not to berate each other for our parenting choices and certainly i don't think that being insulting is in the spirit of mumsnet.

I co- sleep with my dd and she sleeps in her own sleeping bag. I keep the adult covers away from her. Instinct stops me from rolling on her- when she was younger I always used to sleep facing her. The advice given is not to co-sleep if you smoke, drink, take drugs or are over tired and I'm sure that no one on here co-sleeps if they do any of those.

"or are overtired" lollollollol
How many parents of

btw. Not meaning to offend anyone, so apologies if I did. Was simply expressing shock and amazement.

TB, apparently the risks of cotdeath (as in unexplained death) are actually lower if you co-sleep - apparently mum's breathing keeps the baby breathing. i totally agree that it isn't risk-free and you have to do all you can to minimise the risks, but then cot-sleeping isn't risk-free either.

btw, could i swap mine for one of your 7-7 models please?

There must be a lot of us who are weird then. Idealistic dream? Hmm... no it's just a different way of doing things. I actually took dd into my bed becasue it was so cold in our house that she was freezing in her own bed and that was with a hat and gloves on. She was born in April and there was quite a cold spell then and we have no central heating. It's true that you instinctively tune into your baby and why not you've been close for 9 months? I've never come close to rolling onto the baby. I did put a chair and a bolster on the side of the bed in case baby rolled out. I actually had ds who was 2.9 when dd was born on one side of me and dd on the other for a few weeks till he went back to his own bed.

Anyway don't knock it till you've tried it.

I'm not even going to go there with Tokenbloke. Tokentroll more like.

I think I actually agree with tokenbloke (he's not very subtle though is he )

I was advised against co-sleeping by the nhs. I don't know much about this & cot-death, but I do think it can't help sleeping through. If I had ds in with us we'd never get any sleep at all!!!

Is that the same NHS whose MRSA superbug killed the 36-hour old baby the other day?

aunt sally, this US site has some more info about the statistical risks (based on US data) if you or anyone else is interested.

i don't know what the NHS's official view is (if there is one), but at least one NHS midwife recommended it to me as a way of getting more rest cos (if you are bf) you don't have to get out of bed to feed your baby.

tokenbloke perhaps its different for a man, women are said to instinctively tune in with their babies, thats why we tend to wake 1st whenj they cary and a man can even sleep right through, i slept with ds on one side and dp on the other usually so he was at no risk of rolling on him. nhs advised against it on my ward, ds wouldn't sleep at all first few nights after birth so i had him in my arms in bed while i catched few caught moments of sleep, couldn't breastfeed him, wouldn't larch on thats where i discovered feeding lying down, initially i couldn't leave house much as would only feed lying down!...bit difficult in public! tips for barracading in now he's 10mths, yes either lift him into cot, i do have one a travel one used mainly for occassional day containment! or use beanbags! or big pile of cushions wrapped in duvet. ds always noisy on waking so i hear him anyway. make sure barracade all 3 sides, could turn in sleep and roll other way!

I don't call it co-sleeping (sounds a bit militant to me, iyswim, like it defines you as a person) but I do sleep with my baby! After sleeping in her carrycot downstairs with us, we go to bed around 10pm and she stays in her carry cot until she wakes (around 2am last night) and after that feed I keep her in bed with me while dh flees to the spare room (he finds night wakings harder than I do and he gives me an hour or so's uninterrupted sleep in the morning while he gets breakfast for ds). I actually said to dh this morning that I really like cuddling her at night because withI think I put her down (in her pram, on her playmat, in her chair) much more than I did with ds, because I am much busier with two kids, so I can make up for it at night. Also she sleeps so much better than ds did so she will sleep very peacefully in my arms for three or four hours at a stretch. And it's sweet to see her tiny sleeping face in the morning. She's only six weeks and I'm not particularly tired at all (amazing!!) and I never ever feel as if I might roll on her. I do intend to transfer her to a cot when she is a bit bigger, and, I hope, sleeping through.

Oh, I'm sure that it is different for women. Us fathers know nothing (and I don't even say that with sarcasm)

On the subject of us blokes, can I assume that many mothers are kicking him out to the spare room / sofa? OK for the odd night, but surely a little disruptive for 3 years!!

Also, what happens as the child gets older. Our daugther is nearly 2. She wriggles around her bed loads as it it. She has problably slept in with me / dw maybe 7 times - when ill and refusing to sleep. You get hardly any sleep, then at 6am are waken by shouts of "daddy! milk!" whilst yanking at your ear.
In her own bed, she would wake up see nothing of interest and doze off again until a more sociable time.

Re NHS advice - did some research: Official NHS line is to not co-sleep at all (the don't do it if you smoke / drink etc. is out-of-date advice) I think is is after 2 newborn babies died after their co-sleeping mums rolled over onto them in a Leeds NHS hospital.

Finally, on the subject of trolls...
Is that the Lord of the Rings style grey lumbering warty type, or the little cute plastic with pink fluffy hair type, I wonder?

Tokenbloke: there is nothing weird about sleeping with your child. Both me and my husband really enjoy the physical closeness it provides. We have never once rolled on our children and their temperature is fine under the duvet. Both my girls have slept better with us next to them and better than all my friends/relations who insist on their kids being in a cot on their own.
There is absolutely no problem and we never had to let them 'cry themselves to sleep' which you will never convince me isn't harmful to your baby's trust in you.
It is the Western world's idea of putting a tiny baby in a room on its own that is weird and unusual in the grand scheme of things actually.
Methinks you are thinking of your own needs not the child's.

i think its ok to cosleep but only for a certain length of time.....
I had ds and dd in bed with us for 1st couple of weeks (the rolling on them is bull shit)
I carried them for 9mth without squashing them!!
For me and dp i just think after the hard bit of bf is done they should be in their own bed i think they sleep better and i know i certainly do...
they both sleep in my room for the 1st six mths

What about all this co-sleeping until they are much older? That was really what I originally meant by weird. If you have a 2yr old and newborn twins do you end up with 5 in a bed???!!!

My daughter has never had to cry herself to sleep. She has slept in her cot from birth (no moses basket) first in our room, then in her own. Her cot & bedroom was (and is) a familiar comforting place to be. She slept through from about 7 weeks (with me doing a dreamfeed at midnight) and once she dropped that has slept from 7 - 7 99% of nights since. Putting her to sleep has never been any more difficult than sticking to a bath,milk,story pre-bed routine then laying her down, kissing her goodnight and turning the light off.