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1st baby - coping without sleep? Any advice or books?

31 replies

FlirtyThirty · 17/09/2008 13:06

I am expecting my first child and beginning to think about thye impact of little/broken sleep on me and my husband. We are both notoriously bad without sleep, so it will be a major adjustment for us (doubtless along with a amillion other things!). I KNOW that we will cope somehow, but I'm interested to know how others coped. I am probably in the 'cuddle baby when it cries' rather than 1940s 'baby needs routine' camp, but at the same time, I would be relatively keen to employ some basic routine tactics if ti will help long term.

Can anyone recommend any good books? Figure if I don't read them before baby's here, then I never will...

Thanks!

OP posts:
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annoyingdevil · 19/09/2008 13:49

I liked the Baby Whisperer too. Didn't help much when they were newborns but DS was sleeping 11pm-7am by 8 weeks and DD by 4 months. I have to say that DS regressed quite a few times though.

The baby 'personality types' were spot on as well.

pamelat · 19/09/2008 18:46

I have a book called "Your baby week by well" by Simon Cave and Dr Caroline Fertleman

Now I know that you cant get a handbook for babies (not the type I have anyway!) but this book was excellent for me. It even covers things like how many poos 'to expect' etc etc.

Its a week by week guide until your child is 6 months old. Found a lot of reassurance in it.

MrsMattie · 19/09/2008 18:58

Forget about books.

The likelihood is your baby won't sleep that well at night for the first few weeks/months and you will be knackered. No point fighting that or making yourself feel bad by overloading yourself with information / opinions.

There are a few things you can do to make things easier on yourself:

Have the baby sleeping in your bedroom in the early days and install some very dim lighting so that when you wake up to dfeed you can do so with minimal disruption and hopefully get your baby back to sleep fairly quickly and easily.

Sleep when your baby sleeps during the day. I wish I had done this, rather than keep on top of housework / go to the park/to baby groups, have visitors etc. All that can wait. Sleep is priority!

Accept all offers of help from friends and family. If they offer to come over and watch your baby for a few hours while you sleep, say 'Yes. Thanks.'

Share night feeds with your DH/DP. Even if you're BF-ing, once your supply is established you can express.

Limit the expectations you have of what you'll be doing / feel up to once your baby is here - for at least a few months. You will probably be too tired to do much more then feed, sleep, hang out at home, make low key outings to the shops etc.

Come to MN regularly to moan with all the other exhausted mums!

tell yourself religiously - this phase will NOT last forever.

MrsMattie · 19/09/2008 18:59

Forget about books.

The likelihood is your baby won't sleep that well at night for the first few weeks/months and you will be knackered. No point fighting that or making yourself feel bad by overloading yourself with information / opinions.

There are a few things you can do to make things easier on yourself:

Have the baby sleeping in your bedroom in the early days and install some very dim lighting so that when you wake up to dfeed you can do so with minimal disruption and hopefully get your baby back to sleep fairly quickly and easily.

Sleep when your baby sleeps during the day. I wish I had done this, rather than keep on top of housework / go to the park/to baby groups, have visitors etc. All that can wait. Sleep is priority!

Accept all offers of help from friends and family. If they offer to come over and watch your baby for a few hours while you sleep, say 'Yes. Thanks.'

Share night feeds with your DH/DP. Even if you're BF-ing, once your supply is established you can express.

Limit the expectations you have of what you'll be doing / feel up to once your baby is here - for at least a few months. You will probably be too tired to do much more then feed, sleep, hang out at home, make low key outings to the shops etc.

Come to MN regularly to moan with all the other exhausted mums!

tell yourself religiously - this phase will NOT last forever.

whoisdoingthedishes · 19/09/2008 21:40

The Social Baby and The Science of Parenting (or "What every parent should know"). They are not an instruction manual, they won't tell you how to change a nappy or dictate you a sleep routine, but will help you to understand your DC a little bit more.

LadyBee · 20/09/2008 23:00

I also recommend Your Baby Week by Week. The thing about it is that is that it just gives you fairly accurate expectations, rather than ones that make you feel inadequate (as more prescriptive books can do).

As for how to cope, I think just acknowledging that you're likely to be a bit stupid from lack of sleep goes a long way. Just make allowances for yourself and your DH, emotionally and intellectually. Don't make any huge decisions, go easy on each other, try not to take things to heart etc.

Plus try to get your sleep allowance through the day - work out what the minimum is you need to function, say 6 hours, with a 3 hour block and then snatch it from wherever you can.

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