Controlled Crying, PU/PD or Gradual Withdrawal? Your experiences needed please

[forevared]

Going to move ds2 into his own room tonight and plan on starting sleep training. Many friends recommended Richard Ferber's Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems but now I'm reading it, his progressive waiting method is surely just another name for controlled crying?!

Not sure if I've got the stomach for this as I'm already a bit over emotional what with severe sleep deprivation. DH wants to do this method as he thinks it's the most effective and quick but has agreed to compromise if I can find an alternative by tonight. (That makes him sound harsh - he's not. He's just tired too and is falling asleep at work so wants it sorted yesterday, typical man)

Anyway, I've looked at PU/PD and think that might be a good compromise and have also heard about gradual withdrawal but know nothing about it. Any advice from you lovely mumsnetters out there would be greatly appreciated.

Which method did you use? How long did it take to work? Blah blah blah...
I'm prepared to try anything, even the CC if I think it's not going to go on forever or damage my relationship with ds. Please help.

Try Elizabeth Pantley's books.

When he first started crying I went in every 3 minutes, then as it went on every 5 minutes then every 10. Never left it longer than that, thought I'd find it harder than it was but he ended up sounding cross rather than heartbreakingly sad which is much easier to deal with!

I find that if DS goes to sleep cross or cryine, he wakes up in a foul mood.

Blimey, forevared, that sounds very very encouraging!

You are right, though, it probably is wise to assume that tonight and tomorrow night will be harder
simply because having had such a lot of sleep last night he will have much more energy to express his annoyance!

Stick to your guns, loving and firm,
you are doing really well - good luck!!

The pantley book is lovely but it didn't work for me. I think I tried everything before letting him cry a bit. I always promised myself I wouldn't let him cry but in the end I was getting ill with the lack of sleep and also getting very depressed. I got through it by knowing that I wouldn't leave it longer than half an hour in total with checks in between. He never lasted that long but if he had I would have given him the breast after thirty mins. I can't believe how much better life is now I know I can get some sleep!!

Also I didn't find that DS woke up grumpy - he is happier too. He used to wake up and cry because he was tired from being up half the night. He would be a total grump all day. Now he is just grumpy in the last hour of the day which is much more manageable.

Thanks for your support, it means a lot.

Last night was a little worse, although not terrible. Woke about 3 times and the first time cried for only 10 minutes (with checks in between) then settled but didn't fall asleep for an hour. I could hear him chewing on his muslin and he sounded quite content.
After that he managed to settle himself to sleep very quickly on waking up.

I haven't found him to be grumpy either, but he is a little subdued, I guess he's more tired as he's actually awake longer in the night now he has to settle himself. He still gets more sleep than me though! So, sorry if this doesn't read well, I'm all over the shop this morning.

Anyway, he's going off much easier for his daytime naps than yesterday so we're definitely getting there. We're going to give this 2 weeks to work but it looks like it will take nowhere near that. (Don't want to jinx myself so furiously touching wood here).

I don't know what you call our technique but we put her down and leave even if she is crying/screaming hysterically. Wait 10 mins then pick her up and as soon as she calms down we put her back in her cot. We don't speak. Then she starts crying again and we go back after 11 mins and repeat until she goes to sleep. Haven't reached 12 mins yet. What do people think of this? Is it ok if she is screaming really badly?

It seems to be a mixture of controlled crying and Pick up Put down. PU/PD is where you pick lo up when crying, calm them down then the moment they stop crying you put them down. Controlled crying is where you leave them for longer and longer periods each time, going back to reassure them every few minutes. You're not expected to stay with them until they stop crying and it's ok to leave them even if hysterical. With CC you don't pick them up, just reassure them in their cot.

i have to say, while I can walk away while he's crying I'd have to stay longer if he was hysterical, at least till he's calmed down a bit. That's just me though. It all depends on what you can put yourself through.

Someone previously mentioned about cross crying as opposed to sad/frightened crying and I think she had a good point. If lo is crying hysterically but sounds angry then you can probably afford to walk away but if lo sounds frightened or sad then it's probably better to stay with them and reassure them till they're calmer.

With CC, you start off going in after 3 minutes of crying, stay 2 or 3 minutes, talk to them, reassure them and leave. If the crying continues go back after 5 minutes and repeat. Then go back after 10 minutes and keep going back every 10 minutes till asleep. If baby stops crying but then starts again, go back to the start - 3 mins, 5 mins, 10 mins.

Liz79 - no, I really wouldn't. Honestly. Babies can get into real trouble if they are hysterical or screaming.
I would not recommend it, especially not for more than say 2 minutes...people have told stories on here of leaving a screaming bay for a few minutes, all goes quiet, they check on her to find she has vomited from being so distressed, and has choked...all sorts of things.

Never leave a hysterical child.

Unless of course you are feeling like you might injure them, in which case do leave the room for a few minutes till you are calm enough to go in and pick them up.

Definitely not a good idea on a regular basis though

They do generally stop crying if you allow them to be near you. Don't be afraid of the noise, it will stop eventually..

It depends what you mean by hysterical. My dd gets hysterical if she is overtired and can't get to sleep (although now we are dummy free and she has found her fingers, all is much better). She hates to be held when she is like that and it makes her worse. She kicks and scratches. She is much better if she is left in her cot for a few mins. I hated doing this but soon realised that holding her and staying with her for too long made her worse. I would stay leave for 5 mins, check on her for a min or so etc etc until she fell asleep which did not take long.
If you are confident that your baby is not hungry, windy, dirty, newborn or sick then I don't see what the problem is providing you are checking regularly (and can handle the crying).

Gah. Babies are so b;lardy complicated

Hiya, just a little update for those of you following this thread and who have given some great support to a very stressed mum.

Now on day 4 and for the first night since he was born 6 months ago, he slept through the night! I admit we've been very lucky and haven't had to listen to a crying baby for lengthy periods so that has made it bearable and easy to do. I commend all you mums and dads out there who have been through torture with CC.

So this is really to say thanks to those of you who gave advice and support. It really wouldn't have been so successful without your tips (meant genuinely). Also wanted to post a success story for those mums and dads who were considering CC. I know it's not for everyone, and it's vital to take baby's needs and temperament into account. It's also not something I would necessarily have considered if not getting depressed. However, ds2 seems happy, he's still the same chilled out baby, and dh and I are a lot less miserable. I'm glad we went with CC and didn't use PU/PD. A lot of my research seems to show parents giving up on it as baby just gets used to this instead and still can't settle themself. Not universal I know, but for this family we made the right decision.

Good luck to all you parents out there with dodgy sleepers.

Glad you have got it sorted. Don't be upset if you get a couple of bad nights now. I think that can happen and then it goes fine again.
DD slept 2 night is a row and has now started teething so is miserable and has been up since 5am...

Good luck with the teething pudding25.

I've heard it can go a bit wobbly about now, so prepared for it. Thanks.