How did you stop co-sleeping, and night feeding?

[alittleteapot]

We have happily co-slept with dd for her first year - it's been wonderful but, along with her inability to fall asleep without breast, it feels time to move things on. She still wakes frequently and I wonder if she's partly woken by us.

I'm wondering whether to go the very slowly slowly approach of trying to night-wean in the family bed or whether to go the whole hog and move her into her room. I'm not sure the former is possible as I'm bound to feed her in my sleep (and her to help herself) as is our habit. Feel sad about idea of moving her out of our room but think that might be more about her than me.

Hoping to try for no.2 v soon and want her to be more independent in plenty of time.

Would love to hear the experiences of others.

Thanks

Yes, agree with everything you say but think my dd is a bit more hardcore - waking every hour in the evenings and every two through the night is quite a lot of waking to negotiate her out of!

hi alittleteapot, sorry I ran before - ds waking!

everything else is no change. just enjoying some extra sleep atm!

Hello alittleteapot

I have just moved dd into her own room permanently at 27 months. She was still co-sleeping with me and dh and waking for occasional feeds at night - up until approx. 6 weeks ago but I have ceased all bf with her now.

I am 6 months pregnant and although I had tandem fed dd and her big brother for a short time (ds was 20m when dd was born)- I thought it was time for me and dd to stop.It hasn't been too bad, she only asks for bf once a week now and is not overly concerned to be offered milk instead. She still wakes during the night but settles quickly with a hug and reassuring words.

I have spent a few uncomfortable nights on dd's bed getting her acclimatised and mainly use a sort of gradual withdrawl technique. So now I basically sit on her bed and ignore her till she goes to sleep - she is used to this now and I aim to be able to leave the room while she is still awake in the next week or so.

It is weird as I miss dd in bed with us despite enjoying the space - but as I am huge and preggers I am not particularly comfortable at night anyway so by the time I will be in a state to feel the benefit there will be a new small person to take her place! hey ho

Hmmm, yep, different personality to our dd then!

Hopefully some other mums will pop on with other ideas that could be useful to help you Good luck and hope it sorts itself out sooner rather than later for you.

I used the technique in the article NSM linked to, and a bit of the no-cry-sleep-solution, and a bit of Baby Whisperer all cobbled together.

Until almost 4 weeks ago, DD2 was sleeping in a bedside cot as a sidecar, waking 7-8 times a night, after spending until 11pm feeding on me downstairs (she was nearly 11 months old).

Night 1: Fed her whenever she woke, then from 5am onwards, refused to feed, but gave her big cuddles, and hugs with reassurance. Told her she was a big girl now, and I knew she could do it. Took 1 hour to settle, but more ranty than crying. Never left her or ignored her.

Night 2: Same as night 1, but took 45 minutes to settle.

Night 3: Same as night 2, but stopped feeding from 3am. Took 30 minutes to settle.

Night 4: as night 3.

Night 5: No feeds after midnight.

Then no feeds after she fell asleep in my arms about 9pm.

Two weeks ago today, I stopped breastfeeding all together. She has slept upstairs from 19.00 until 06.00, with only one or two brief wakings.

One week ago, I decided to put her in her cot with the side up, and she now sleeps through the night!

We still have a way to go, as she needs someone with her to go to sleep at the moment, but she is gradually getting more attached to her 'lovey' (A Dumbo holding a little blanket, all in a soft furry material), and we hope to move her into her own bedroom in the next month or two, and move towards her being able to wind down on her own in her room, and self settle.

Oh, just to say - Jasmine was totally hard-core - she wouldn't go to sleep at all without a breastfeed, and she wouldn't go to sleep for more than 30 minutes in her cot, even with a breastfeed.

Wow, lou that is really inspiring and reassuring. Thank you so much for posting.

Thanks everyone else too.

Getting everyone onto mattresses rather than beds can help the transition.

Then I'd say, put child to sleep on single mattress next to adult bed and get yourself to bed within an hour of them dropping off. Bring 'em into bed with you at night if needed, or lean over to breastfeed/cuddle them on their mattress if needed.

If you go to bed close to when they do, then either you get just enough sleep by the time they wake in the morning, or else you wake before them and have an hour or two to yourself. I think it's really important to prioritise your own sleep by sleeping as much as possible when the child does

good point, if i'm tired now i can't imagine how i'll feel once i start training...

Hi again - I've just started a new thread with some questions about the Jay Gordon method but thought I'd post here too:

1. Why does he allow you to feed to sleep at bedtime but not thereafter? Isn't this confusing for the baby - wouldn't it be better to consistently not feed to sleep?

1. Same really re his seven hour rule. Again, isn't it confusing that sometimes the baby is allowed to feed to sleep and sometimes not?

1. Finally, our neighbour will be away for three weeks in early September. I can't start overnight stuff before then as it will disturb her to much. But I feel the time is right, so, could it work to do the 7 - 11pm bit of the night and to carry on as now for the rest of the night till Sept?

TIA

lou031205 can I also ask you a bit more about your method? Why did you decide to start early in the morning and work backwards? Do you think it made it easier or harder? Thanks again

Another one who used the Dr Jay Gordon method here. We explained to ds (14 mo at the time) that he was no longer going to feed between 11 and 6. He didn't cry, but nor did he sleep the first night. We just sat and cuddled him all night long. From the second night on, it was no problem.

We never went the whole hog of not cuddling him at night though. Now he has a double bed in his own room, and when he wakes at night I go over and co-sleep with him for the rest of the night. Sometimes he sleeps well by himself, sometimes he doesn't. He never asks to be fed at night, but does when he wakes in the morning (sometimes he wakes up and hands me the alarm clock, so I can check whether it's time to feed yet, lol)

Thanks ib, good to know it worked for you. Don't know if you saw my latest questions but I can't do anything overnight till Sept when the downstairs neighbour will be away (otherwise she'll be disturbed too much I think), so I was thinking of starting now 7 - 11pm (she currently wakes at least hourly between those times and has to be fed back to sleep.) Do you think that could work and then tackle the rest of the night in September?

I don't see why not - the key for us with ds has been to always explain what we are doing. He seems to accept whatever we want, but gets very upset if we try to change things without explanation.

Hmm, dd has just learnt to feel quite strongly about things even when explained! I don't think it will be easy tbh.

Sorry to keep asking more questions but did your ds feed alot between bedtime and 11? i.e. or did he go down at 7 and then have a last feed at 11 or what? My dp is worried that if I do the 7-11pm now it'll be confusing and inconsistent. He thinks we should do the whole night at once in Sept. For us it's the 7-11/12 that's the worst in terms of her frequent wakings (a hangover from cluster feeds as a tiny baby I think) - the rest of the night she'll go two or three hours, occasionally more.

He used to wake up constantly in the evening, but he started going longer by himself once he was in his own room.

Thanks