Should I apologise to our neighbours for our nighttime screaming baby?

[peggotty]

He's nearly 6 months and has had a few weeks now of waking very frequently. I think he's teething but who knows... but he screams extremely loudly. Sometimes I wait for 5 or 10 mins before I go to him in case he settles himself (hasn't happened yet ) but usually I go in as soon as I hear him on the monitor. I'm aware that our neighbours bedroom is directly through the wall from ds' room and the woman has already commented that she sometimes hears him. Last night was a complete nightmare, him screaming even when he's been fed, rocked etc. At one point I went on strike and let my dh try to deal with him, which involved half an hour of crying and calpol spattering the walls. DH pointed out that the neighbours must hear a lot of this (I didn't tell him that she's already mentioned it!). Would it be silly to just say sorry about the racket when I next see the neighbours and assure them that we're doing all we can ...?

yes I would
good manners and hopefully they will say "don't worry about it"

It would be nice to mention it in passing, as you say.

Depends if neighbours have any kids. If they have kids, they ought to understand. However, if they are like my brother (no kids, not really understanding the situation) then they might be going beserk! He had a crying baby in the flat beneath him and he was really really angry as he thought the parents weren't looking after the baby, just leaving it to cry and wake him up. Me and my mum told him sometimes you just can't stop the baby crying whatever you try!

Would be very polite to mention it, but hopefully they will understand!

i wouldn't. what can you actually do if they are less than gracious about it? i would let sleeping dogs (or crying babies ) be.

AAh they do have a little boy, but he's adopted, they've had him since he was 9 months old and has apparently slept all night since they've had him His bedroom is directly through the wall from ours and we've never heard a peep! They seem reasonable enough sorts though...

maybe put a note through? then harder for them to say "well actually we are really hacked off about it"

F&Z that's a good idea! We don't actually see a lot of them out and about so it would be easier to do that...

tis opening pandora's box, i tell you

In what way bossykate?

It is tricky, but afaik you cannot be reported to environmental health like you could be if you were playing music at the same level.

Our dd2 is a lot louder than dd1 ever was. Our neighbours do mention it but always in a very lighthearted and understanding way, almost as if they want to reassure us it isn't a problem. They are very hands on gps and obviously remember what it was like. The woman even said to me once that both of theirs had colic, again in a very sympathetic kind tone.

Also we have been lucky that the babies have always slept in a room that isn't right "next to" neighbour's bedroom.

If they are not bothered by the screaming, they will be surprised and touched by an apology. If they are bothered, they will be surprised and disarmed. You have nothing to lose.

It wouldn't be silly to say something.

My sister used to hear neighbours baby crying, and the mother crying and begging the baby to go to sleep, but because the mother never said anything, my sister never felt she could bring it up, but really wanted to offer this poor mum some sypmathy.

Agree it would be nice to say something and can't hurt - also agree with doing it by note. I might do it with a little gift, too - box of chocs or something.

The only Pandora's box I can imagine is that it will give them a natural opening to discuss the issues with you - say, give you advice (which would be fine, if perhaps a bit wearing if unhelpful - however could even be helpful?), or, at very worst (can't think of anything more & it's not that bad), ask you whether you can't see your way to shifting the bedrooms round. So I'd be ready to be engaged in conversation where you wouldn't perhaps have been before.

Anyway, I'd think you were a lovely neighbour for doing it.

I would deffinitely mention it in passing or do as f&z said and post a quick note. I appologised to our neighbour the other week as ds was up 2 or three times in the night howling (separation anxiety I think coupled with teething). She was absolutely fine with it, but saying that, her daughter has just had a baby and I regularly hear him squaking on the nights she has him so it all evens out! If they are understanding then they will be OK with it, if they are not then there's not much you can do but who cares what they think if they are that unsympathetic!

well you could make a passing comment but i wouldnt apologise as such as its natural for babies to cry and its nothing to feel bad about

just say he doesnt settle well at night as yet i really hope his not disturbing you too much lets hope for all our sakes he'll learn to sleep through soon or something like that

but dont feel the need to apologise as such as its not as if playing loud music or its in your control babies do this and im pretty sure they are understanding

there ds was obviously bit older and able to settle himself when they got him and you ds is still 3 months off and whos saying at 9 mths he wont also be sleeping through the night.

we lived in paper thin flat and i did say oh i hope ds isnt disturbing you too much but didnt apologise as its normal behaviour and completely natural and out of my control he started to sleep through from around 8 mths until 2 but we have since moved so not disturbing people now

"The only Pandora's box I can imagine is that it will give them a natural opening to discuss the issues with you - say, give you advice (which would be fine, if perhaps a bit wearing if unhelpful - however could even be helpful?), or, at very worst (can't think of anything more & it's not that bad), ask you whether you can't see your way to shifting the bedrooms round."

er, yes, that's exactly what i meant. i'd find either of those scenarios utterly toe curlingly awful. i wouldn't want advice and i would be highly unlikely to be able to shift the living/sleeping space around so why even open the door on discussing that as a possibility? also, i don't think that's worst case scenario - if they are really bothered by it, you could be opening yourself up to a total diatribe from them. why risk it when there's presumably nothing else you can do to keep the baby any quieter.

what i would do though is be very understanding of any noise coming from their side.

i speak as someone who has had neighbours come round to complain about baby noise and asked us the shift the bedrooms. i would never stick my head over that parapet in a gazillion years. no point.

...to shift the bedrooms.

I would apologise, in passing, for the sake of maintaining good neighbourly relations.

I did so when ds2 was a few weeks old, and my neighbour (who had heard crying) said not to worry, because he knew how hard the first few weeks are (he has grown up children), but seemed touched by the gesture. He then said that when had heard the crying he began worrying that his tv might be disturbing us (have never heard it).

but how would it maintain good neighbourly relations?

if your neighbours are understanding, they won't need an apology - they will be compassionate. if they're not understanding, what accommodation can you possibly make?

Well, I left a note for them and the guy came round a little while ago and was absolutely fine about it, said they completely understood and it was really nice of me to send the note. They did hear him ! Bossykate, I think it does 'maintain good neighbourly relations' because even though I suspected they would be fine about it, it shows that we are aware that it might not be fun for them to be awoked at some godawful hour by a screaming baby that isn't theirs . But I see that you've had a bad experience with this type of scenario so can't blame you for the way you think. Anyway I think I did the right thing

awoken