4 week old - when does it start getting easier?

[Gangle]

I love DS to bits but am finding being a mum much harder than I thought mainly due to the lack of sleep. DS wakes every 2-3 hours at night to feed which seems to be about right - the problem is that as he gets older he is increasingly difficult to settle once he has fed and one several ocassions has cried all night so that we (and the neighbours) have only got about an hour's sleep. Is this normal behavaviour and are there any solutions for getting him to settle or do we just have to ride it out?

Mine is just coming up to 4 weeks, we have real problems with sleep too. After a nighttime feed he looks sleepy, I'll put him down almost asleep, but 10 minutes later he'll be wide awake and inevitably, despite trying to soothe him, he'll start crying. Same happens during the day - I'll feed him, play a bit, he'll start yawnung and looking dopey, so I'll put him down, and half the time he will wake up again after 5 minutes. Have tried swaddling, still get the same problem. Inlaws reckon we've spoilt him by holding him too much, I'm not convinced, but getting rather desperate now to get some kind of sleep pattern established, neither he nor I are very happy when he can't sleep.

FHTM, you could be describing my DD! She is 3 weeks old and can sleep for hours IF she is on me or DP! She is in a Pavlik harness tho so dont know if this makes a difference. I have been co-sleeping with her in order to get more sleep. I have days when i feel like the walking dead but am optimistic things will improve.

how can you spoil a 3 week old baby? by HOLDING him? how silly.

My DD sometimes gets a bit cranky from being held too much, so then I put her down and she calms down straight away and starts kicking her legs and staring at stuff. But I would never not hold her in case of spoiling her. I guess it's worth remembering that (for some babies at least) there can be such a thing as wanting to be let alone and too much fussing can make them cranky.

First couple of months are hell iirc. Feels like eternity when you're in the middle of it, but it's really not that long in the grand scheme of things (not that that helps!) as others have said, it does get better.

it does get better, but i would caution against thinking that it'll all be better by 12wks or whenever...i had all these milestones in my head because people had said oh it'll all be better by eg 12wks, then along came 12 weeks and it wasn;t better...somehow that made it worse! my dd is 19wks and still up every 3hrs in the night - but it's all much quicker now, no crying etc.

Hi gangle- it does get better, it does, but it's difficult to put a time frame on it. Your body will adjust to having less sleep- I don't know how but you do get used to it and manage to survive, I promise. Of course you want to enjoy it, but do feel free to moan too- you're not superhuman and we all need a good old whinge sometimes. What you're having to do is HARD work. Look after yourself as much as you can and make sure you're eating well.

My DS WAS windy after BFing and I found gripe water and/or infacol a complete godsend. I used infacol before every feed morning and night and he slept better- but still, I have to say, woke regularly because my milk was/ is so delicious and nutritious he just can't be without it for too long.

Also, for nappy rash how are you cleaning his bum? My DS had a sore bum until I stopped using wipes and started just using cotton wool and water when it cleared up INSTANTLY. I obviously gave it a good clean at bathtime!

HTH!

It gets so much easier my 20 week ds goes down at 7ish wakes at 4ish has a wee munch and back to sleep until 7ish, fantastic!! Was very like yours in the beginning but I think you actually do get used to no sleep and when he does start sleeping longer you will still be awake poking at him wondering if he is ok
Your ds maybe doesn't need lots of winding, does he during the day? Also have you looked at what you are eating/drinking to see if maybe something not agreeing with him?
On the dummy front neither of mine would take one but lots of my friends kids have and has been a godsend for them, doesn't interfere with bf and also reduces risk of cot death....buy one!!
Keep going you will get there

Gangle, I would agree with the co-sleeping thing, especially if you are breastfeeding. If you are concerned about safety read this. The guidelines have changed a lot and most hospitals now are introducing policies to allow mums to co-sleep even on maternity wards.

Once you've got over your natural nerves you can master feeding lying down and look forward to blissful nights with minimal disturbance!

All of this advice is brilliant. One other thing I will throw in. My son cried a lot when he was born. I took him to a cranial osteopath and to the homeopath. They basically both said that he had had quite a traumatic time at the birth and was in a state of shock and needed treating for that. I was slightly sceptical but have to say it worked. I agree with other mums put barrier cream on (kamilosan thick white one in a tub is good and natural) and don't change them unless they have done a poo! Also don't worry about winding. It does get easier good luck x

When I was expecting DS1 my BIL said "the first 6 weeks are just a matter of survival." I remember thinking well that's not so bad, I can cope with anything for 6 weeks. Yeah right!

He was right. For the 1st 6 weeks you just need to do what you need to do to get through it imo. That means a cleaner if you can, ready meals, disposable nappies, everything you swore you wouldn't do.

I also developed a strategy for saying, right we've had a good hour, or morning, rather than thinking hell that was a rotten day iyswim. The first day I got some ironing done, while on my own with DS, was like getting a great result in a test at school. I was desperate to tell someone how clever I was

By 10 weeks things were so much easier and when DS1 was 9 months old, I started a degree by distance learning, as I had so much free time in the evenings Finished just before he was 4 and I'd had another DS and was working part-time by then, so it really does get a lot easier.

hi gangle, my ds was like that- he was just hungry and bf until he fell asleep again with bliss. it did slowly get better as 6 months he went into his own room and slept better but it wouldn;t have worked before then- he was just too little. He was in a moses basket next to the bed and i just lifted him in and out changing ikwym, but it does wake them up! i have trained myself (!) to sleep instantly he is sleeping. penelope leach book, your child from 0 to 5, i found very helpful. good luck!

I know it sounds a bit odd, but if your baby is sleeping during the day and not at night - it might be because it is too quiet at night. I had a similar problem and started off by leaving the radio on at night which helped and then tried playing recordings of various household noises (you can download these from quite a few sites) My DD seems to find running water and the noise of a dryer the most reassuring sounds and it has helped a lot in settling her down (no more walking round and round) and seems to have helped keeping her asleep for longer.

There seems to be a general message that it does eventually get better, but speaking as a mum of a 6 month old who let me get around 2 hours sleep last night, I am starting to wonder when! We had 2 blissful weeks of sleep when he was nearly 4 months old and since then he has gone back to waking up anything from once to 5 times a night. Sometimes it is just the need for dummy other times he wants a feed. He is getting over a cold and is dribbling for England, there always seems to be a reason for the waking.
Am I doing something wrong?

Pamelap - have you got a dummy clip? By 6 months mine could find their own dummy and put it in.

General question - my best friend has just had a baby and wants to know if a dummy will interfere with breast feeding. I bottle fed so can't help her. What are your experiences?? Did anyone breastfeed and use a dummy?

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i too have a 4 week old but this is no. 2.
I am doing quite a few things different this time round.....

I'm not using sleepsuits - too many pesky poppers. DS is in nightgowns that i got in mothercare (john lewis have them too) when he wakes it means all i have to do is have a quick peek in the side of the nappy - i have a maglight torch next to the cot for this purpose!

I'm only doing a nappy change at night if i see poo.

i'm feeding lying down in bed and not winding unless ds is agitated after a feed. I'm pretty much co sleeping too as i'm waiting a bit before putting ds back in his cot as he doesn't settle quickly if put straight back in - most times i fall a sleep.

this time round i'm using a bedside cot which i bought second hand for £80. that way i don't have to worry about him falling off the side of the bed.

I'm getting a lot more sleep doing these things than i did first time round..

hope you get a good night tonight....

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Following on from the hoover post, I find that the noise of a hairdryer is pretty good at soothing my 5 week old ds (whose sleep patterns sound very similar to those of Gangle's baby). It doesn't always put him to sleep but it works quite well at stopping him crying - and if you have to be up all night with a sleepless baby it's much better if there's no crying involved.

I even used to wheel my bubba next to tumble dryer and put a 30 min load on to get her off to sleep (in the wet months, before I hear a green outcry)

try anything, and call on offers of favour to help so you can catch up on sleep...

Sniffyhock - My DS is now 14 weeks, is partially bf and has been using a dummy since he was 4 weeks. Some professionals recommend not to introduce a dummy until at least a month old if bf as can cause 'nipple confusion' and interfere with bf. I'm not sure about the research on this but it makes sense to ensure that bf is established before intoducing anything else for them to suck on! DS took a little while to accept a dummy but is now happy with it. It also reduces the risk of cot death too.

Thanks CJMommy - Her DS is only a week old and she's already given him one (Her MIL and DH suggested it and, of course, it was like magic!) She seems to be doing really well but I'm worried she's not feeding totally on demand but trying to introduce 3 hr feeds. I did the same and, in hindsight, think that's why I failed at bfeeding.

I am sorry if someone has mentioned this before but have you tried swaddling? It helped our ds settle.

Also and this is a bit late but Harvey Karp's Baby Bliss book with it's 5 Sss was very helpful. The problem is once you are tired it's difficult to get a grip on the situation.

I introduced a dream formula feed at about 5 months and wish I had done it sooner. Just give your ds the bottle to chew on for a few days so he gets used to it, then if dp does the dream feed at say 10.30 so you might / should get 4-5 hours sleep after a few days.

It worked for us anyway.

Can your dp take your ds for an hour 7-8am before he goes to work so you can have an hour then? That made me feel SO much better.

Oh poor you with my first dd at four weeks I thought I was going to die from lack of sleep, burst into tears on GP, thought no one had ever had such a horor of a baby and I must have been doing something very wrong.
It is just a phase they go through, after six weeks it does get a little better and by 10 weeks my totally bf dd was sleeping 11-7am. Sadly dd2 has not quite been as perfect but she still was doing long stretches at night from around six weeks, they work out themselves the difference between night and day and start to settle after night feeds just like that when the lights go out. It will be all right, but it's hell when you're in the middle of it - but remember most of us go on to have more dcs so we do get over it! Good luck

how is it going now gangle? Ds2 is now 4 months. I bfeed and co-sleep. I found he didnt need winding after feeding and falls asleep on the breast. I tend not to disturb him too much after, is easier now as doesnt poo during each feed (only once a week atm!) and where we co-sleep is easy to feed at night. He rarely crys but i might just be lucky. He is waking again every 2-3 hours again but is going through a growth spurt. He has gone 8-10 hours at times so there is hope