Tips for managing sleep deprivation

[BastetBaby]

8 month baby has been waking every hour every night for just over a month.

I've read everything about baby sleep and sleep training so I'm not really looking for advice about getting baby to sleep. (I don't really want to sleep train, and I don't think it would work for my baby anyway - she'd just climb out of the cot - seriously - my plan is to talk to health visitor to rule out medical reasons for bad sleep then work on daytime naps then go from there...)

What I actually need is tips for managing sleep deprivation myself! I'm getting maybe 3-4 hours a night in 30-60 minute stretches. My baby also seems to time her wake-ups just as I'm about to drift off so it literally feels like I am being tortured.

When baby wakes I feed her back to sleep or give her finger to suck or hold her hand in the cot which sometimes (rarely) works. My partner tries settling her, but even when he manages to get her back to sleep she wakes again ten minutes later demanding a feed, so it's kind of better for everyone if I just feed her.

Tried co-sleeping and that's worse as I just cannot get comfortable so end up lying awake.

I'm starting to get confused in the daytime and I get headaches and nausea as well which I think is just from lack of sleep.

Is there anything I can do to get more sleep myself? Are there tricks for falling asleep really quickly after settling baby? Or ways to making napping in the day easier? Or remedies for the headaches so I'm not popping paracetamol all the time?

Can someone have her in the day so you can have a really long nap. Naps are not the same as night time sleep though. Go to bed as early as you can. Get daylight in the morning, for you and baby, to set your circadian rhythm. I've very much been there so much sympathy. Always say yes to cake.

I struggled with co-sleeping at first as I couldn't get comfortable. I started watching TV on my phone with one ear bud in and I think the distraction helped me fall asleep easier. If I lay quietly and tried to sleep I would just be mentally calculating how many hours of sleep I might manage.
Also fresh air really helps when you feel tired. I get outside or open a window when I'm really struggling.
My DD was a terrible sleeper until age 3, it started from birth though. Hopefully it's just a blip for you!

My DD also used to wake just as I was drifting off, I was convinced we must have had some kind of psychic connection . We've now progressed to her often needing her bum wiped when I'm in the middle of my dinner

The only way I coped, for many, many years was to go to bed when my child went to sleep for the night. I would be completely ready for bed before I put them down then fall asleep as they did. They sleep most deeply during the first part of the night so you got longer stretches of uninterrupted sleep plus they then coincides with your own deeper bits of sleep making it more restorative.

People will go on about couple time being crucial and that time being precious for getting things done or feeling like your are a separate being from your baby, but frankly if you are that sleep deprived your relationship will be strained from that anyway so sleep will probably help more, plus is you sleep you will be far more able to get stuff done during the day even if you’ve a baby about.

😂lovely!

Stop bf at nighttime - night weaning is fine at this age, they do not need to have night feeds once they’re on 3 good meals but daytime milk.

then take it in turns for whole nights or split the nights into shifts with your DP. Get the really good earplugs and head to bed for your night or your shift. Good sleep is so important for your health

This is good advice. I do try to do this and being ready for bed myself before putting baby to bed definitely helps.

I do desperately miss time with my husband though! 😢

Not a long term solution. How will she cope when back at work? Naps and cake won’t be possible or fuel productivity.

OP you need to sleep train.

I slept on weekend mornings for as long as possible, went to bed as early as possible while DH had the baby, in the mornings DH would take the baby from 5am and I’d sleep until he left for work.
i did acupuncture for a different issue around this time and it actually helped with quality of sleep and how long it took me to fall asleep. Magnesium also helps with headaches and sleep quality.
It gets better OP; one minute you’re wondering how you’ll get through the day and the next you’re realising that you’re getting full nights sleep most nights

I don't know how I'd handle the crying though... I had postnatal depression - mostly recovering now but I fall to pieces when baby cries...

I'm keeping it as a last resort...

@AgainandagainandagainSS I agree, I ended up ill from sleep deprivation and am very pro sleep training. but the op specified no sleep advice and seems to have a plan, so it's the best short term coping advice I could think of. Having been there myself I wanted to give some support.

There doesn’t have to be crying though? She’ll have your DP to comfort and offer water. Honestly in 3 nights any intake will be fully transferred to the day.

Tell yourself that babies cry - that is how they communicate because they don’t have words yet and that she is in the hands of her living dad. And that you can’t be a good mum to her if you crash your car (assuming you drive) because you are unsafe behind the wheel, getting fired for being unproductive or snarling at her dad because you can’t think straight.
A few nights of crying to avoid all of those situations? Worth it. And as a PP says, get earphones. They have really good sound cancellation ones out there.

AgainandagainandagainSS is right, you need to drop the night feeds and ask your husband to take the baby for a few nights. The baby will carry on waking if you carry on feeding.

You are looking for a plaster here when you really need to fix the cause for long term gain.

Is there any specific reason you can’t get comfortable whilst co-sleeping? Is it worry that you will roll on her, pain, inability to lie in the safe sleep position, lack of room? Feeding as I slept helped my sanity too! If you could co-sleep you’d probably find you are dropping off to sleep as your baby feeds. And in the mornings when they are ravenous you can still doze. At some point, and I can’t remember when, they can find the breast alone and latch themselves without crying so you can sleep through the whole thing!

Red Bull and flapjack got me through the best part of 4 years of DD's lack of attention to sleep.

I'd honestly try cosleeping again.

I don't think stopping BF at night time is realistic for most 8 month olds tbh especially with teething and everything setting you back (such a good natural pain reliever) so I would really say cosleeping is the answer.

Ways I coped with sleep deprivation:

• going to bed when baby went to bed
• having an afternoon where possible (I find napping very hard)
• trying to get 90 minutes uninterrupted so I had one proper sleep cycle
• getting out of the house in the morning, staying in made me feel worse and getting fresh air really helped
• using CBeebies as childcare in the morning when I was exhausted
• preparing cut up from and veg to eat during the day I didn’t just eat biscuits
• drinking lots of water
• reminding my partner how tired I was and that was why I was angry / emotional
• reminding myself that it wouldn’t last forever
• listening to audio books to distract myself

When we had a phase of waking every 45 minutes all night (😭) I also made sure I was completely ready for bed so I could sleep the same time as baby, it’s hard to lose your evenings but definitely helped to bank up a bit more sleep and I found that drinking plenty of water seemed to help. I also used to lie down every nap time, I wasn’t always able to sleep but just arising or resting felt like I was doing something to help.
Hope it improves for you soon! I went round and round in circles thinking I had to fix something and it was something I had done wrong but one day it just stopped.

You've reached your last resort.
It's ridiculous that you're feeding your baby to sleep eight times a night. The baby doesn't need all those feeds.

Sleep training works really quickly. My baby slept through on the third night.

My son woke constantly for about a month when he was 8 months. It was developmental, it stopped by itself. Never sleep trainee, didn't night wean until 2yo when he was sleeping through anyway
Agree go to bed when baby does and knows it's only a season xx

I wouldn't expect an 8 month old not to be feed at night but you need to stop room service. You really need to stop feeding her every time she wakes up. Let husband or nana take a few nights. She will settle.
I didn't sleep train our 3 and things come and go in the first years but you can work on this.

Thanks everyone for your advice/tips.

I've tried a few and they've definitely helped. I'm going to sleep as soon as baby does, I have a thermos of herbal tea for the night waking, and I've started watching TV during her wakes which keeps me relaxed and helps me fall asleep again after baby does. I also try to nap in the day and get outside. I'm getting sort of used to only sleeping in hour stretches.

Baby's sleep is still awful!

I've tried not feeding her every time but I have to hold her and give her a finger to suck instead so dunno if that's much better? Tried getting my husband to settle her instead but she just cries for me and wakes up more fully and then takes longer to settle. Tried giving her water. She just looked at me like: "what the hell is this?"

Tried a bit more co-sleeping as well. I can't sleep in the co-sleeping position recommended by the lullaby trust as I just get horrific pins and needles in both arms! But I've found a position that's more comfortable for me and I can still keep baby safe so that's helping. Baby still wakes up every hour even next to me though!

We are still reluctant to sleep train because right now it would mean a lot of crying and we just don't want to put baby through that. She's also really trying to stand/walk at the moment but isn't stable yet so if we leave her in the cot when she's upset she falls and ends up hurting herself. For this reason we want to wait until she's a bit older before sleep training.