How do you put a baby down awake?

[VacantlyPretty]

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Hi VP, I've always struggled with this, I'm not a fan of letting babies cry, however one day my washing machine flooded just as ds was due a nap (normally I'd lie down on my bed with him until he falls asleep and then creep out of the room) so I just had to put him in his cot while I cleared up the mess. Of course he yelled, but I was cursing and making loads of noise, and I had the radio on so I couldn't hear him, and by the time I'd cleaned up he was asleep. From that day onwards he's always been able to do it. Some days are better than others, but he can do it 60% of the time.

If you hate the sound of your baby crying, as I do, then go somewhere where you can't hear him, perhaps with a monitor with the sound turned down (just watch the lights to see if he's still crying) It is really hard, but it's really worth it. DS can now get himself off to sleep again if he wakes up in the night.

BTW is there anything wrong with him being wakeful if his mobile is on? DS loves lying in his cot watching his mobile (it's one of those musical ones) and usually he's off to sleep pretty soon just from watching it.

I appreciate that if he is moved, he becomes more alert. This is a common problem. But it will get better/tone down, as he becomes more used to the technique. It makes it a little bit trickier than say other children who don't become more alert whilst being moved, but it is just another small step/obstacle in the big race, as it were.

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Give it a go. You have nothing to lose. It is doesn't work/ not fo you, you have lost nothing, no one will be upset.
Go on VP, TRY IT

I had my washing machine crisis when ds was about 4 months old. He's currently 7 months old. I do know what you mean about leaving them to cry, it nearly killed me. Made me feel physically sick. There is a big line I won't cross, I really won't let him get distressed, but whimpering and the kind of angry "oi! I'm over here!" yelling is ok with me. But it did take me an absolute age to get to that stage.

I could never get him to have a nap during the day until I started lying down with him in my room, curtains shut and classic fm on the radio. I put him in his sleeping bag and just lie alongside him. If I'm knackered I'll quite often have a sleep with him, but if not, as soon as he's asleep i creep out of the room. That doesn't help for the night times, but is that worth a try? DS used to barely manage 15 mins during the day, but now he does a full 2 hours and I usually have to wake him up from that nap.

I hope things improve soon, I have spent many a night hobbling crouched over carrying a sleepy baby to his cot having rocked him to sleep, only to have his eyes pop open the second I put him in his cot and have to start the whole process over again grrr!

Lots of babies do a tiny bit of whining, whinging when put down. But crying ? No, I don't do 'controlled crying'. No need. This technique, that I am suggesting, does not invlove crying AT ALL.

we had one winnie the pooh lullably light show
It attached to the side of the cot.. played music and displayed pictures on the ceing

ds loved it..it had a movement/sound sensor so when he fell asleep it switched off

one word of warning if you use one of the these. Switch it off when you got bed otherwise when little one will rolls over in their sleep you wil be woken with a rousing chorus of winnie the pooh winnie the pooh

I agree with Oblomov - if you leave it too late then they really struggle to get to sleep on their own. With mine the signs were really subtle - but once they got to the yawning and rubbing eyes stage it was too late.

The 2 hour rule of thumb usually worked well - they were tired at the latest within two hours of waking up - if I pushed them past that then they just coudn't fall asleep easily.

It took me a long time to realise this with DS1 - sometimes he would be awake for 10 hours or more, and would only settle to rocking in the pram with something like status quo blaring out (no idea how I figured out that combination ) and I was going completely mental. Once I twigged the signs it all slotted into place. And with DS 2/3 (twins) it was fine so long as I didn't get them overtired - and if I did boy did I regret it.

frasersmummy, I've got one of those, they're brilliant esp at calming down a worked up baby. DS just lies there watching the lights, it really chills him out.

just read this thread and agree with oblomov yes, the signs are the thing to watch for - you have to time it just right

DD used to cry a bit and then go to sleep right at the beginning, and i didn't feel too bad leaving her for a while. now she's bigger (4 months) this just doesn;t work and inevitably ends in a screaming frenzy

but as i now know her signs, i put her down and leave. it doesn;t always work and if she doesn;t go down, i get her back up and try and distract her to wear her out a bit more - then wait for sleepy sings again and try again

it usually works within 2-3 attempts, and often at the first go. sometimes, if she's clearly knackered, i also jiggle her about a bit on my knee to kind of lull her, but put her down in her cot awake but sleepy - this also works

i can tell she's getting tired when she stops smiling and reaching for thing. eye rubbing and ear pulling follow shortly after - then yawning and crying, and by then it's too late

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You poor thing! I know what you mean, ds has a whole barrage of musical lighty things attached to the side of his cot and I try each one with varying degrees of success! One that works most times for me is something called sleepy sheep. It's mega cheesy, I bought it in the hormonal fug of late pregnancy. It plays four different sounds, mothers heartbeat, whale song, rainfall and wave sounds. The one that really gets him off to sleep is wave sounds. I think because it's rhythmic and not dissimilar to white noise. It sounds a lot like someone shhhhhing, and it usually works for him. I bought it at trotters, but I've found one here if you're interested.

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Oh VP, you poor love.
You must understand that reading the signs, is tricky. And not an exact science. And we all miss them , and then end up with a very overtired baby. That is normal too.
But we get better at it.
Trust me. And then we go and have a f**king stinker of a night, that leaves us at out wits end. And we wonder if it is all worth it.
Sound familiar anyone.
Please don't worry. One step at a time.
Maybe he does need a toy to help him sleep/calm down. Maybe your ds doesn't need one at all. Maybe try one from one of the toy/baby lending library of toys - know what I mean, rather than waste more money.
But you have our sympathy. It is not easy and you will sometimes miss the signs, but persevere.

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Try a muslin square. All three of mine have loved them.

DS1 had a dummy attached, he loved the dummy more than the muslin. He also had a blue blanket which he cherished until he was about 2.

DS2 also had a dummy attached, when he was about 2 I realised that he actually loved the muslin more than the dummy - he would suck on it and tickle his face with it. DS2 has a John Lewis Jelly Bear, he adores "baby" - he is 3.5, he now only has baby at bedtime.

DD just has the muslin square (she won't take a dummy), and she loves it, she holds it, sucks it and brushes it against her face.

Worth a try?

Personally I'd avoid any type of toy that would offer stimulation at bedtime - I most certainly would never use the mobile at bedtime when trying to "teach" a child to self-soothe (I hate that phrase it's so "meet the Fockers").

Hi VP,
I had the same problem with DD2, DD1 had a good routine from 12 weeks old so it came as a shock when DD2 needed to Bfeed to sleep. It came to a head after christmas when I hadn't had a proper nights sleep for months and I couldn't cope with it. My DH took over one night and put DD2 down after bath and a feed - she screamed for 40 mins but fell asleep and slept for 12 hours without a single squeak (she was 4 months old at the time). The next night she cried for 5 mins and then slept for 12 hours, the 3rd night she cried for 1 min and slept for 12 hours. She now knows when she is put in her sleeping bag in her cot after bath and a feed that its time to sleep - in fact she gets annoyed if I hang around too long saying goodnight. The important thing to remember that is after the feed you need to wake baby up so she knows shes fallen asleep in her cot not during a feed.

DD2 is a great sleeper now if she wakes in the night (she is teething at the moment) all we need to do is give her a quick cuddle and put her straight down and she falls asleep again.

Hope this helps.

Oh poor vacantlypretty, you just sound absolutely exhausted but what blovmov has just said i would second.. and i would add hold on to your instincts not to let your little ds cry, you are so aware of how he is feeling and i would really try and go with that and not override the feeling that you don't want to leave him howling. it does get better, they do get used to going to bed in the evening sleeping ( most of the time, in my experience of my two.) your dp sounds very supportive - is there any way you could afford to get a nightnanny for one night. i blew the bank and got one when i was really tired with ds2 - lovely very experienced maternity nurse turned up and i got a good night's sleep and she definitely did not let him cry. i think the company i used was called night nannies and it was about 90 quid for the night ... i know, i know, for me it felt a huge amount. but it was worth weight in gold for me to have one night off and not worrying.i guess it's the price of 5 mobiles...eeek. i quite understand not wanting to pour any more cash into someting that will make no difference. good luck and hope you get some sleep tonight and well done for breast feeding i wish i could have comforted mine for longer with b feeding!!! lucy

it's hard when it is too late - getting a good night routine sorted is the key thing. i watch for signs during the day, but in the evening, bath and bed time are 7pm - no matter what. it's the only real routine we have - everythign else is so unpredictable. but it's nice to know that from about 7.30 the rest of the night is our own

it took several weeks of crying every night, right at the beginning, sometimes for a long time, sometimes less, and now she settles every night at bedtime with no trouble at all. i would say bed time is the one time leaving them to cry might be ok if everyting is checked - food, heat, nappy etc. certainly i found me coming and going, pick up put down etc just woke her up more

during the day it's different - getting her to settle for naps is a bit hit and miss as i said. if i catch her tiredness too late and she won't settle i get her up again, try and get her tired again (as by then crying and grizzling has woken her up) and then spot the signs early. it can take a few attempts

as oblomov says, the occasional crappy day or night is inevitable - bound to happen

I know you've had lots of tips already but here's my twopenneth.

You can't expect them just to do it as they are used to doing it another way. You can either go for a gradual approach of removing them from the breast/stopping rocking before they are fully asleep and calming them through stroking/soft words, or you could try pickup-putdown where you pick them up if they cry, but try and calm them in their cot. Routine is key, so they know it's time for sleep- draw the curtains, nappy change, sleeping bag, cuddle etc. Gradually this should get easier.

I used the gradual method to wean DS off his dummy. When i tried to put him down without it, he would be hysterical. On the rare occasions I've given him a feed before a nap he's got used to this very quickly and would then demand one, so I think it was confusing for him, so sticking to a routine is vital.

to be honest I think all the mobiles etc are actually making it worse - because they are further stimulating an already overtired baby. Imagine if you were tired and something sparkly was dangling just out of reach !

I think the key is to keep the sleeping environment low key - a place to sleep not a place to play. Keep the light low, and keep it quiet. And get them there calmly before they are too tied.

If you can figure out how to do that then it won't be a battle and you won't dread it and then you won't put it off for a few minutes more.

With mine - if it got too late I ended up with very screamy babies - I would have to cuddle them to calm them down, then put them back in the cot and try again - sometimes sitting there rubbing their head or tummy gently (or back if they had got to that stage) and whispering
"shush time for sleep" every time they started making any noise.

I never left DS to cry, but he used to get soooo overtired. In the end I put him in his cot with the hairdyer on. Not ideal but it worked a treat, and then he gradually got the idea that cot=sleep. he was only about 4-5 months at the time but it made life so much more bearable, before he just couldn't go to sleep by himself.

Might try to get a white noise machine for this next one.