Sleep training a 10 month old

[Mamaissy]

Hello everyone. I have a 10 month old little boy with down syndrome who is a real mamas boy.
Up until now I have breastfed him to sleep every night. But I recently came to realise this was the reason he was getting gas pains all night and I literally haven't slept in nearly a year. So now I have been trying to get him down without breastfeeding to sleep. Feeding to sleep no longer an option.

It's so hard! I put him down and I wouldn't say he cries. But he grumbles, moans, whines and shouts unless I go back in there. I've tried just waiting it out but it sometimes goes on for so long that I can't bare it.

I know he isn't in any discomfort, he's just missing me. What should I do ???

Have you tried a dummy? The mam ones are good

That's how my 8 month old falls asleep. I feed her before bed, burp her etc and then put her into her bedside crib in a sleep bag with her dummy. That's how she falls.asleep

You could also try like a Ferber method (can google). If there isn’t crying and he’s just moaning/annoyed wait 5 mins outside his room, then go in, pat him and say it’s sleep time (don’t get him out of cot) leave, wait another 5 mins, repeat. Then you can increase the time intervals. Eventually, he will fall asleep. And I know it feels like
so long and it can take hours, actual hours but that won’t be for more than a few nights. The beginning is always tough. You don’t have to leave him to cry if you don’t want to, if he cries you can go in and comfort him, but as you say not with milk. Could pick him up at that point for a cuddle and rock. Once that works, you can phase out the rocking. This method takes longer than the times intervals but could be described as a ‘gentler’ approach. If you have the finances, a sleep consultant might be a good shout. They can guide you through it and offer support and troubleshooting so you don’t feel you’re doing it alone. But there is also loads of free resources on Instagram (if you’re on it) from loads of sleep accounts
hushlittledarlings is good
justchillmama is also good.
hang in there, pick a method and stay consistent with it for at least a few days.
I’ve been there with rubbish sleep (both kids). Used a sleep consultant first time which although tough at first ‘fixed’ my DCs sleep in days and with my second I felt I had another knowledge and confidence to sort it out myself and it worked and was easier.

Because of his low muscle tone in his mouth his tongue sticks out and he cannot take a dummy.

Thanks so much. Perhaps I'll give this a go. Tonight I went back in there, sang to him and gave him a cuddle. He actually sleeps with me in the bed because otherwise he wakes up and is real sad that he's alone. He's a very sensitive boy. We've slept in the same bed since he was a newborn and his dad sleeps in his nursery. But maybe I need to be more strict and try getting him to sleep in the cot.
He's my first and because of the down syndrome I can't help being overly motherly towards him 🙈🙈😬

OP, you are not being OVERLY motherly towards a 10 month old with Downs Syndrome. That's ridiculous. It's natural and normal to comfort your baby when he cries. Please don't fight your instincts which are telling you to be a comforting mother to your little baby.

And cosleeping is fine. I do it with my 11 month old and we are very happy. No, you do not need to be strict with an 11 month old!

@Mamaissy he doesn’t have to go in his own bed if that’s not what works for you as a family. You could do his bedtime routine (bath, milk, story) lay him in your bed and sing to him and cuddle him and wait for him to fall asleep. Then leave. He might wake up between his bedtime and yours looking for you but just do the check ins (no milk)
and once it’s established milk is gone he may sleep longer stretches and especially from 10pm when you’re in bed with him just you being with him might make him sleep through. Or maybe you go to bed with him at his bedtime 7.30/8? Dull for you perhaps but at least some more sleep for you and it won’t be forever. Don’t worry about being strict or the cot, it’s not for everyone and if you enjoy co-sleeping and it’s safe then stick with that. For now, just work on not giving the milk if that’s what you want to do, and offer comfort in other ways/giving him that time to learn he can fall asleep alone. Good luck with it! Report back and I’ll keep an eye on the thread! Always happy to chat it through or just listen. Being a mum and sleep is so tough

Co-sleep - either in your bed or with a co-sleeping cot.
10 months old is very small. Feed, cuddle, singing, rocking to sleep all fine.
Fgs don't try sleep training.

@Shleepymummy Thanks so much. This give me positive encouragement 🥰

@Cheesecakelunch Can I ask why you don't recommend sleep training? Out of curiosity?

How is he doing with solids?

I found my DD, now 14 months, started sleeping through only when we absolutely filled her up with solids. She has her usual porridge, lunch and dinner and then an hour before bed has another (small) bowl of porridge and a bottle.

She conks right out 😁

I cosleep too. Tonight I put her in bed, waited for her to fall asleep, then popped the monitor on and went and had an hour to myself before my bedtime.

Do whatever works for you but if you want him to sleep better and longer without milks, push the solids x

Because it sounds bloody cruel and you will probably expend your energy doing this when you could just relax and try the other (much more natural) ways of getting them to sleep and to rest yourself.

Also because it's true when they say the hours are long but the years are short. This won't last forever and we've all done things in early motherhood which we look back on and think why on earth did I do that.

Sleep training is cruel and I think we will look back on it like we look back at corporal punishment. It's leaving a baby to cry alone, uncomforted, going against all our - and their - natural instincts, and raising their cortisol in the process. It's an awful thing. Please don't sleep train your vulnerable little baby. If you can't imagine turning around and ignoring your 5 year old while they cry for you, don't do it to a baby. People dehumanise babies IMO and that's why they think Ferber and the like is OK.

I would just cosleep and do what gets you the most sleep without having to leave him to cry.

UPDATE

Thanks everyone for your advice. It all really helped.
Little one didn't need sleep training at all. As was said - they're only small once. And as we co-sleep he is just very used to me there

Every night I have now been whisper singing and rocking him to sleep. It actually turns out been a lot quicker than hearing him shout for a long time. We usually get 2 song 2 and he's sleeping.

I also increased his milk dose. One night he had 10oz! (And a feed and hourish before that) and he's 7kg at 11 months now. Its definitely helped him to calm and be dreamy like when he was Breastfeeding. But I keep him awake for frequent pauses to burp him while feeding and after

Since all this, he also now occasionally goes down, still awake and in our room without me there. Not even a loud shout or a moan.

I'm also feeling a lot less stress and less guilty for not being able to breastfeed him to sleep